The third season of Real Housewives of Atlanta continues to joyfully move forward with yet another hilarious episode. Not much really happened, but these women crack me up so much, I almost don’t even care. Even Kandi is funny — and apparently quite the sexual lady too. This week we learned that she has a raunchy vidcast called “Kandi Coated Nights” where she takes the time to chat about sex, sex toys, and relationships. Naturally it was a given that Kim Zolciak would be a guest on her show, but here’s a shocker: Kim seemed rather uncomfortable sharing the intimate details of her love life. Maybe that’s because she’s usually too konked out on white wine and Virginia Slims to remember what goes on under the covers with Big Poppa.

Amusingly enough, when the topic came around to cheating, Kim revealed that she didn’t consider herself a cheater. I suppose technically she’s right — Big Poppa is more of the cheater — but her inability to admit the inherent shadiness of her situation was a bit laughable. Then again, I’m not sure we turn to Kim Zolciak for provocative insights into relationships… or anything else for that matter (excluding the value menu at Wendy’s, which I’m sure she’s well acquainted with).

Sadly, we didn’t get much of Kim this episode. Instead, we got a lot of Phaedra, who decided to celebrate her pregnancy by commissioning a “classy” photo shoot to memorialize this special time in her life. And what better way to do so than by posing with a bunch of pickles? I think I vaguely know what she was going for — perhaps a humorous take on the hunger cravings pregnant women like her endure on a daily basis. However, whatever whimsy she was aiming for got lost in the highly suggestive pickle-sucking imagery. And let me tell you, things didn’t get better for Apollo when he got into the action. Here’s a general rule of thumb: if you’re trying to downplay gay rumors, try not to pose with a phallic object in your mouth.

Luckily for Apollo, should anyone doubt his heterosexuality, he can always point to his baby and remind everyone that “Hey, I made that!” Or did he?? Phaedra later revealed to the women that she wasn’t really sure how far along she was and that she was thinking of doing a C-section early on account of all her discomfort. The women all nodded politely, but leave it to Nene to scream “SHUT UP!!!” at Phaedra during an interview. Kind of the highlight of the season.

Nevertheless, Phaedra insisted that if the baby was developmentally well on its way, it could be removed early. Not sure why any mother would willingly opt for a premature baby, but I suppose when it comes to wise judgment, Phaedra hasn’t always maintained a stellar record. Of course, the assumption here is that the child really IS just six months old. As Nene and several of the other women surmised, the baby boy might actually be older… which would mean he’s not Apollo’s. Dunh dunh DUNH! But of course it’s Apollo’s baby! He’s a virile, very straight man who loves women so much he can’t help but impregnate them… even though he famously hasn’t thus far.

Someone that we hope doesn’t get pregnant anytime soon is Shereé Whitfield. Not because I don’t want her to reproduce, but more because I’d hate it to be at the hands of Dr. Ti-y Mohammad, her creepy charlatan of a suitor. The guy is a total fraud, and quite frankly, his food didn’t look particularly tasty. He should have known better than to put Sherayay to work. She does not work. She dines. I don’t know why she keeps seeing this idiot, and hopefully after he took off his shirt at the table (admittedly at her urging) she’ll see that he’s less of a doctor (which he isn’t at all) and more of a sleaze. There’s no way Sherayay would waste her time on this guy. I can’t be sure, but I feel like Bravo is setting us up for an epic demise.

Until then, here’s the photocap…

“Oh this will be real classy and such. I want my child to always remember what I looked like eating pickles. Never forget the pickles. Never.”

“Okay, we going to do this photo shoot and then I’m having a C section.”
“But the baby’s only four months old.”
“Uh…. yeah. Four months old. That is correct. And 100% Apollo’s too. Case closed (I AM a lawyer).”

Phaedra: “mmmm… mmm… wait, Apollo… APOLLO… STOP HOGGING THE PICKLE! And why you using your hands now?? Put that tongue away! APOLLO!!”

“Okay, Apollo. It’s been fifteen DAMN minutes. You’ve had enough!”

“What do you mean, Chick-Fil-A is bad for you? I give it my daughters every day. Brielle! BRIELLE!!! Don’t you like it when Momma gives you Chick-Fil-A? BRIELLE!!!!”

Nene: “Girl, can we talk about Niels Bohr for a second?”
Cynthia: “You know I love me some physics.”

Fingers By Finger-eé

“Oh woops. My shirt fell off during our dinner. I’m classy like that.”

“Cheers to me being the sexiest bank teller, er, I mean, DOCTOR you’ve ever met.”

Cynthia: “Welcome, Riley!”
“Your head looks like a toilet brush.”

Peter: “Okay, Peter. Remember to NOT bring up Nene’s marriage. That would be awkward. Do not bring it up. Keep it together, Peter… So Kandi, I heard your fiancé died!”

Phaedra: “Girl you know you gots to put somethin’ special down there for the men.”
Kandi: “A little sugar makes all the difference.”
“Oh, I put a pickle.”
“Like pickle slices?”
“No. I stick a pickle right in there. Apollo say it make him feel more comfortable.”

Apollo: “Hey Peter, what’s shaking?”
“Oh not much. Just thought I’d come say hi to the ladies and NOT mention Nene’s crumbling marriage.”
Cynthia: “PETER!”
“Uh… uh… I mean…”
Cynthia: “Can we change the subject please??”
Peter: “My bad. So Apollo, I hear you’re a power bottom?”

What did you think about the episode?

21 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Mommies, Dearest”

  1. Well for starters Phaedras a moron. I really think Sheree is hilarious this season an can appreciate her “prove it”attitude. Both Sheree and Nene are cracking me up this season. The part when Phaedra asked for parenting advice and Nene said “you should keep it in until it is ready to come out”, was freakin hilarious. Cynthia seems really nice and I like her fiance but he was totally out of place to make the comment about Nene’s marriage. I did not watch last season but this one is really hilarious. Oh yeah. Phaedra is a moron, a fake, and ridiculous.

  2. Favorite comment of the night, from our beloved NeNe “aint no candy yams, pancake syrup, etc..going up there”, made me lol. This season is so funny!

  3. Preggers continues to bring the insanity. Even dear Patti LaBelle agrees.

    My favorite Nene line:”I had my nose done, my boobs lifted and I had a little liposuction on my tummy, and if there’s anything else I need, I will get it. I’m going to get a penis enlargement.”


  4. What pregnant woman does not know how many weeks pregnant you are? You are on count down and you know how many seconds pregnant you are especially when you are that big!

    I loved when NeNe said that even girls in the ghetto who don’t know who the dad is know how far along they are! Ha! Good one.

    Sheree cracks me up too! I don’t know what she is doing with that idiot “doctor” though. Get rid of him.

    1. Totally! And anyone who has ever been near a pregnant woman also knows how many seconds you have left–because she’ll probably just tell you because its all you can think about. GET IT OUT! And then have a glass of wine. Is she getting no pre-natal care?

      1. She is lying! She absolutely knows how pregnant she is – agree with the points above, you track that like crazy when you are preggers. NeNe is right — she is covering for the numbers not adding up.

  5. Excellent post. But it was a good episode. It good not to see Dwight for once and I want to push Kim’s assistant in the bushes

  6. Every cast needs someone like Nene to call the other women out. They all do it differently though. Ramona does it with absolutely no filter and Lisa Vanderpump does it with a light air kiss. Nene does it the best cuz she’s got a lot of sass.

    Peter is hilarious. He reminds me of those old people who just doesn’t care anymore or forgets and just says things exactly what’s on his mind That was so inappropriate but funny.

    I don’t care what anyone says, Phaedra is a must for these types of shows. I am continually intrigued with EVERY segment she’s on. Who doesn’t love her signature stinky faces? So adorable!

  7. The pickle in the va jay jay for Apollo photocap was hilarious. I do not understand why Phaedra refuses to admit that she became pregnant before her marriage and knows her due date and that she is farther along than she claims. She is making herself look foolish with her ridiculous reasons for why her doctor will allow her to give birth at “six months”.

    This is the only season that I have faithfully watched and is so hilarious. Despite Cynthia not having much of a story line, she is hilarious with her one liners and I like her.

    Sheree’s facial expressions are something else…

  8. I’m surprised no one mentioned Kim’s daughter saying she likes chicken when the funiture store lady asked her what she likes

  9. Yeah Phaedra looked like she was about to burst at the seams at the baby shower. That is not a 6 months pregnant woman.

  10. Phaedra Parks gave birth on May 24, 2010. Her husband was released from jail in May of 2009. So there’s no reason to this it’s not his baby. However, they were married in November of 2009, so the baby was certainly conceived IN SIN.

    Everything about Phaedra is the worst. I feel certain that she’s a fame whore and is exaggerating and maybe inventing this personality for attention, but the fact that she would do that doesn’t make her any less worthless than if she really were the person she plays on tv.

  11. Is is just me or is anyone else incredibly uncomfortable hearing Kandi talk about sex?? She just seems soooo asexual to me for some reason. Its like talking about dildos with your mom, I mean, who does that?? Oh, wait….

  12. Sheree cracked me up, taking about Apollo bringing Phaedra’s Gucci diaper bag to the party:
    “….I thought that was a little…..tackehhh”

    Team Sheree this season, all the way!!

    1. I so agree… sheree is great this year. I was floored when she actually licked the dr’s thumb…. gross! He is one nasty dude and needs to keep his shirt on.

      What’s with apollo answering the door in a wife beater. doesn’t this guy own any other shirts? I’m not sure how a “southern belle” acts, but phaedra is a tacky moron!

      Yeah, Nene from Season 1 is back this year!

  13. I am enjoying the vibe this season so much more than last! The pickle photo shoot was an absolute riot! Seriously…. how in the world could that be seen as anything but CRAZY and gross. Nene rules — I laughed out loud when she yelled ‘SHUT-UP!’ and did the gagging motions in her interview. Priceless and agreed. The whole thing with the ‘doctor’s’ shirt off at dinner was completely disgusting. How Sheree did not run screaming for the door, I will never know.

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