It’s a good thing I don’t run a NFL Betting Podcast because I can assure you many people would lose lots of money on my predictions (see my woeful fantasy football teams for proof). There’s really only one thing I can bet on with authority when it comes to the NFL, and that’s to never ever bet on Chad Pennington. Back in the day, he was my main QB in fantasy football, and every time I played him, he earned about one point, and every time I benched him, he would go nuts and gain about forty. Never mind his REAL football shortcomings, which include an inability to throw deep and a penchant for choking in important games (Exhibit A: every playoff game he’s been in — except for, like, two).

Unfortunately for the Miami Dolphins, they broke my cardinal rule: they bet on Chad Pennington. The veteran quarterback started this week’s game, and after two snaps, his season was over. That’s right, Chad Pennington suffered yet another shoulder injury, thus ending his season after two snaps. Even worse for the Dolphins, as per Pennington’s contract, the oft-ailing quarterback earned a $400,000 bonus simply for starting the game. I’m no businessman, but even I know that’s a terrible return on an investment.

It just goes to show that Chad Pennington is the Vanessa of football. And like Vanessa, Chad Pennington ruins EVERYTHING.

Consider this venting concluded.

(Clearly I’m still bitter about the 2004 Jets playoff run)

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