Last week’s part one of the Real Housewives of DC reunion was so bonkers that it restored the faith I had in the series when it first premiered. Truthfully, I was a big fan of the DC cast at first, but midway through the season, the show began to stagnate a touch until the notorious White House party crashing incident that put on the Salahis on the pop cultural radar. Now, with all the ladies hashing it out with Andy Cohen, we finally had a return to the cattiness that marked the early episodes so wonderfully.
And man was it catty. Most of the rage came from Cat herself, who relentlessly attacked Michaele to the point where I almost felt sympathy for the doltish blonde. However, when Michaele said ridiculous things such as how she “secretly” supported the MS Society or was told by the Redskins Cheerleading Alumni Association to lie that she was on the squad, it became clear that this woman might just be totally nuts. It’s actually too bad because with all the attention on her, Cat didn’t get the harsh grilling that she too deserved. Let’s be honest here. Cat is wonderfully entertaining, but the lady is a bitch, and a self-serving one at that too. Ah well. She’ll probably get hers in time.
After the jump, photos from the reunion…
“Cat, I’m not saying you’re racist, buuuuut…. you’re kind of rude to black people. For example, you keep calling me Black Katie Couric, and I really resent that.”
“You’ve really gone and said something low, haven’t you? I’m hardly a racist. In fact, my inbox is FULL of photos of black gents without their knickers. Have you ever heard of Black Inches? Would a racist subscribe to their newsletter?”
“I have been secretly supporting Black Inches for years.”
“Oh really. Michaele, you are pathetic.”
“I actually am on the Black Inches board of directors.”
“I’m not sure they have a Board of Directors.”
“They do. Secretly.”
“Oh come on, then. Enough of this bollocks. You’re not on the Black Inches board of directors.”
“Well, not technically. You see, they asked me to sit in on it once or twice; so I’m not really a board member, but then Shelly called and said ‘Michaele you HAVE to be listed on the Board.’ So am I listed? Yes. Am I really a board member? Hard to say.”
“You JUST said you’re a bloody board member of Black Inches.”
“Um, they told me to say that.”
Andy: “So you’re not affiliated with Black Inches?”
Michaele: “No.”
“Why did you say you were?”
“Because I am.”
“But you just said you weren’t.”
“Well, I secretly am affiliated with them.”
“Oh… so can we officially state that you are on their board?”
“I’m actually their editor in chief.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s really great. You know, when you fill your life and heart and African American gay porn magazines with love, wonderful things happen!”
“Maybe if you had some love in your heart, your husband would come back to you, Cat.”
“I don’t want my husband back. I’ve rejected him like an email that’s tried to reach me whilst I have an INBOX FULL.”
“I guess that’s why he’s asked to model for Black Inches. It was a hot topic for us Board Members.”
“Are you totally daft? Charles is white.”
Michaele: “No, love. Charles is black.”
Cat: “Your head is full of nothing but air. And not any air. I’m talking about the foul wind that blows over the rotting cheese in Crudgington Telford Shropshire.”
“See? You’re very mean. You’re making me cry.”
“It’s phony. Your tears are phony.”
“And you’re mean! I’m sorry, Andy. I need a moment.”
Michaele: “There. I’m better now.”
Stacie: “You are crazy, girl.”
“I feel I should weigh in on this debate. As an avid reader of Black Inches, I have never seen Michaele’s name on the masthead. Incidentally, that’s my nickname for Ebong.”
“Really? You need to make a suggestive nickname for Ebong? Isn’t ‘Ebong’ kind of a sexual innuendo on its own?”
Michaele: “Yeah, it is, love.”
Stacie: “I agree, Andy. Sounds like Ebong totally Ebong-ed the common sense out of Lynda.”
Cat: “This one here! Talk about an INBOX FULL. She probably has cracks all over her pelvis!”
Lynda: “Oh, STOP! (I do)”
Mary: “Wait, what are we talking about?”
Michaele: “You know Ebong is just like BAM BAM BAM. I think it’s wonderful, love.”
Stacie: “Girl, she right.”
Michaele: “Not that I would EVER advocate such violence against women. We don’t stand for that at Black Inches. Although, I secretly do.”
Stacie: “Okay, she crazy again.”
Cat: “Would you give it a rest already? You don’t work for Black Inches.”
Michaele: “Love, I really don’t need your divorcée energy coming at me.”
“Oh now we’re talking about energy? Are you like in touch with the sun and the wind and the spirits of our world now?”
“Secretly, yes.”
“I’m sorry, but I need to say something. We’ve come too far as a society to have this go on any further. Black Inches and White Inches need to integrate. Our inches should be able to stand side by side.”
“Now, Mary, why is it that when you say ‘Black Inches,’ you swivel your head and do air snaps?”
“I’m a mimic. I mimic things you black people do. Also, I’m on drugs.”
“Don’t worry. I’m secretly a drug counsellor.”
“That’s a lie. Everything you say is a lie.”
“I don’t lie. I only speak the truth. For instance, did you know that Tareq has a larger penis than Ebong.”
“That’s impossible. I mean… we’re talking about Ebong.”
Andy: “Seriously. His name is Ebong. It’s a noun and a verb.”
“I don’t follow, love.”
“Let’s put it this way: you don’t get Ebong-ed by a guy with a small dick.”
“Oh, you see, I call that getting Tareq’d.”
“Uh, let me put it to you this way, Michaele. Ebong won’t be in Black Inches. He’ll be in Black Feet.”
“We’re talking about his manhood, not his feet.”
“Michaele, he’s hung like a horse.”
“Don’t bring Sparkle into this.”
“I almost named Lolly ‘Sparkle.’ But then I named her Lolly.”
“I say we get Tareq out here and see the goods.”
“No way. If Tareq comes out here, Ebong comes out here.”
Andy: “This is pretty awesome.”
TO BE CONTINUED!
What did you think about the reunion? What were your favorite parts? Who came out best?
I really loved the whole show. Andy was my favorite. I will say that I think that Mary came out looking the best but that was because she was basically mute the entire time.
I didn’t like Stacie’s evasive maneuvering. I didn’t like Michaele’s weird laughing. I thought that Cat had some great zingers but didn’t properly explain herself on a lot of things; she just came off as very defensive. And, Lynda is my favorite housewife, but…I have to say I didn’t care for her whole MS schtick.
I will be the first to say that if MS does really have MS then that is terrible…but she better not be lying about it because I, for one, would be very personally offended.
And…I was only able to write this after I laughed for about 20 minutes while reading this recap. I just about died here: “Uh, let me put it to you this way, Michaele. Ebong won’t be in Black Inches. He’ll be in Black Feet.â€
That was awesome b-side!
I also loved when Lynda talked about smoking weed, and her cocktail of xanax, concerta, and a shot of scotch. Lynda all the way!
“Don’t bring Sparkle into this”….. spit my iced tea right onto the keyboard LMAO!
I miss the replacements
Thank You for including Andy in the caps, I LOVE him!!!
and IF MS doesn’t have MS I will be personally offended too
i have to shout this out like 3 weeks too late and it’s totally non-sequitor here, but i don’t care. I have to clarify in these forums what Mrs. Salalhi was wearing that infamous night. That’s not a sari. it’s as much a sari as an email saying “you’re not invited to the White House State Dinner” is an invite to the White House State Dinner. Michaelalina was wearing what is called a lengha. That is all.
havarti,
That’s been annoying me for ages too.. thanks for clarifying! I know everyone’s heard of saris and don’t know what lenghas are, but if Michaele had to wear a sari, it would have taken her a year to figure out how to put it on.
I’m so embarrassed for Michaele that she keeps trying to insist she was a Redskins cheerleader, absolutely no one believes her, she needs to give it up. What will the show be next season without her polarizing drama (if there is a next season)? Maybe they need to get Stacie’s friend Erika on the show…
Cat is damn lucky MS is so putrid or she would have been the biggest bitch. I cannot abide a person who is says shit to get a shocked reaction and then hides behind the “I just say it like it is”. No. Your choice of words are inflammatory and when you get called out on it you act like it is a surprise. There is a difference in being honestly blunt and being purposefully rude.
MS has told so many lies she can’t keep track of all of them. I can’t wait to find out she and John Edwards has a torrid affair while she was building yurts for the Peace Corp.
Secretly of course.
I want to party with Lynda.
hb
Some day I want Bravo to make Real Commentators of B-Side Blog. We have our diva (HB), I have a penchant for over-spending and 2 dogs that fit in a purse, and there’s no shortage of ladies who bring on the crazy.
And there is an abundance of hot gay men ’round these parts.
hb
He he! I would probably be the boring one that gets kicked off in season two.
You can be the Caroline. We need a protective, mothery type.
AMAZING photocaps, yet again!!!!
I soooooo agree with you about Cat. She is horrible. Being a rude bitch just doesn’t translate to “telling it like it is” to me. Plus the fact that she so thoroughly enjoys her obnoxious behavior is such a turn-off.
Michaele is a pathological liar, but there is something about her that makes me pity her….I don’t know why.
I understand what you mean, I pity Michaele too… I feel like she is almost like manipulated by Tareq or his puppet or something… and even if she knows it now, she is too deep to get out
“Don’t bring Sparkle into this.” Genius.
Lynda seriously has it out for Michaele. To say that she had spoken to doctors about MS was a bit disturbing, I thought. My mom had it for many years before she “came out” about it.
Can’t wait for part two!
Ditto.
Bside, you watching rock of love girls: where are they now?
very delicious, I am anxiously awaiting megan. i have already seen the trashy rodeo, daisy delahoya, and two crazy whiteheads.
Can I put in a few empathy-words for our Mary? I, too, am afflicted with the mimicry-gene. Anthropologists believe it may be a survival instict–ambassadorship, useful when a tribe on the move encountered a new, previously unknown tribe in unknown territory. It is suspected to have allowed peaceful integration or passage, depending upon what was mutually agreeable in the moment/situation. I am one of those people who just phase immediately into the local sound, and some are very threatened by it–most accept, but others feel I am mocking them…
And, great recap, as ever. I cannot wait for part 2…WOOT!
Rock of Love Girls: Where Are They Now??!–Where? When? I gots to know!
Don’t worry Bobbie – you are not alone, I also suffer from this affliction. We need a support group, Mary could be our leader. Admitting you have a problem is half the battle!
last night 8pm on vh1, i am sure they will show it zillions of times!
Great photocap as always, i laughed through the whole thing. Linda & I are sisters from another mother, without the concerta. I thought I was a cougar but she has me beat by a mile. FYI I said weeks ago that I want to be Ebong’ed. My kid called me disgusting. No, not a racisit my kid is bi-racial, i live to make her cringe. How do you not turn him into a verb?
Leave sparkle out of this, snorked coffee out my nose. You have Stacy down to a T. MS shot Cat a few low blows, I would have been off the couch Theresa style. That said Cat needs to be taken down a notch. I agree with Honeybunny!
Bring on part 2.
Can we just see a salt and pepper shaker or two? a cork? a swizzle stick for michella swalhili? inanimate objects demand their time in the spot light too!
I hate Bravo for posting pictures so soon.
you are genius!
It’s not that Cat is honest and tells it like it is. It’s that she is a relentless, unbearable cunt. I wish Michaele would have said that to her. Not, “Maybe if you had some love in your heart, your husband would come back to you, Cat.†But “Maybe if you weren’t such a vile cunt, your husband would come back to you, Cat.†That would have been beyond fabulous.
whoa
The reunion was much, much better than the atual season.
Lynda was boring the entire season, but loved her on the reunion (except for the MS BS).
Mary is a waste of space.
Cat is an in your face bitch, no doubt, but Stacie, whom I initially liked, is a passive-agressive bitch. Of the two, I’d rather deal with an in your face bitch. And don’t even get me started on Stacie on the gay marriage issue. “Marriage is between a man and a woman.” Doesn’t she even realize that not that long ago the bigots were saying that “marriage is between people of the same race?”
Michaela is just sad, sad, sad.
i’m with you on stacey being total passive-aggressive two-faced smug bitch. I see second season coming and having to watch an entire episode of her uniting with her bio-dad in who cares where country (borriiinnngg)! it will rate right up there with donn and vicki’s renewing their vows. I was so pissed that an entire episode was wasted on that boring crap too. stacey does think her poop doesn’t stink but she does…
I had a couple hehee moments when michaela was telling cat that if she had more love and kindness in her heart her husband might take her back. cat fell for it… hehehee and sneered she didn’t want him back…:))) boohooo
Mary has been flying under the radar. are all 5 of her kids with this husband? how does this proper family raise a daughter with such questionable character (lolly) who, when is told not to take/wear her mothers clothes etc, she does it anyways. why such total disregard for authority?
i’m glad Michaela is holding her own with cat. she can dish it but can’t take it. i’m still not sure why mary is so bothered by michaela. who cares if she’s skinny, anorexic, whatever! jealous much??
I meant lynda, not mary with regards to being jealous of michaela’s weight..
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