JERSEY SHORE PHOTOCAP: Sammi Gets A Message From Alcoholics Anonymous

Idiocy ran rampant on last night’s Jersey Shore, but then again, what else is new? (And no, “idiocy” is not a code word for “herpes”). We once again were privy to the trials and tribulations of Ronnie and Sammi (or RAMMI) as they continued to fight and make up and fight and make up. They’re pretty reprehensible, both for different reasons. Ronnie, first of all, is an alcoholic. Or at least borderline. He gets obliterated and then mouths off against the girl he supposedly loves, and last time I checked, telling a lady that you hate her and that she’s a bitch isn’t necessarily the most romantic gesture in the world. I’d love to see Ronnie release a line of cards for Hallmark. I can already imagine it: “I HATE you because I LOVE you so much! … Happy Bat Mitzvah!”

A bigger problem than the drinking, however, are all these bizarre issues fermenting under the surface for Ronnie. His rage — which may or may not be of the ‘roid variety — is fueled by such loathing for Sammi that it’s occasionally scary. The guy is a dick, and clearly he feels inadequate about something or another (pee pee size?). I’d wager to say he saw how much of a lame-o he came off as on season one and resented Sammi for that. Now he’s trying to party with the rest of the boyz, but his feelings for Sammi have him conflicted, and he blames her for that. Either that or he has childhood demons relating to his parents, perhaps stemming from some abusive scenario. Either/or!

Of course, trying to psychologically diagnose a mook when a) you have no schooling in the subject, and b) all that we can see is what’s presented to us on TV, is totally ill-advised. But fun!

Here’s the thing though. Ronnie is an asshole and a jerk, but in many ways, Sammi is worse. I know, I know — don’t blame the victim. I will blame the victim though because Sammi should know better. The guy degrades her to the utmost degree (on national television, no less), and she still goes back to him. In fact, after one particularly vicious attack by him, she stormed out of a club, declaring that she was so “over it.” Or perhaps “done with it.” Whatever she said, it was a lie because five minutes later, she was literally walking back to the club to check in on Ronnie. And guess what? He ignored her, hopped in a cab, and left Sammi to stand alone in the street. And she still went back to him the next day. She is officially an idiot.

What makes Sammi so deplorable though (aside from the fact that she’s a bitch) is that she drags everyone into her dumb drama. She endlessly asks the other girls for advice or demands that they pony up any dirty they have on Ronnie, but at the end of the day, none of that matters because Sammi will always take Ronnie back. She’s awful. He’s awful. They’re both awful. They should go away.

Amusingly though, everyone seems afraid to tell Sammi that Ronnie’s been “creeping” with girls in the club and crawling into bed with Sammi (not that she’d break up with him if she ever found out). Rather than sitting her down and letting her know the truth, J-WOWW and Snooki decided to write an anonymous letter (this after they attempted to throw Angelina to the wolves and have her break the news to Sammi about Ronnie’s infidelity). The girls penned the tell-all missive, but we have yet to see Sammi read it. I’m sure when she does all hell will break loose as she goes on a witch hunt to find its authors. And undoubtedly, Angelina will be the one to spill the beans. This is a wonderful disaster waiting to happen.

As for the rest of the cast, The Situation and Pauly D were pretty low key this episode, save for an unfortunate incident involving spilt marinara sauce. Vinny, meanwhile, offered up the week’s best line when he expressed disdain for some law students by saying “I don’t need girls that are studying for law. I need girls that are studying for DICK!” Or something like that. It was awesome.

And here’s the photocap:

“Hey listen to me shit head. Don’t you evah call here again, you jackoff. How about you get a life and pull your jackoff finger out of your jackoff ass? Okay, I love you, shit head. Bye.”

“Hey Ronnie, how about you kept me up until 4 AM when you said you’d be back in an hour and instead awl of yous were out doing who knows what and I gotta sit here like an asshole!”
“Ugh, shut UP!”
“Awwww, Ronnie! I love you too.”

Ronnie: “I hate you. I hate you so much because I love you. And I love you so much because I hate you. And when I sleep with you, I sleep with you out of hate that turns to love that turns to hate again.”
“I’m so over you.”
“Whatever, bitch.”
“Awww! I love you.”

“You’re drunk, Ronnie. Go to bed.”
“And you’re a whore.”
“Awww! Thanks!”

Ronnie: “Hahaha, remember last night when I called you a bitch three times and told you I hated you?”
“Yeah, hahahaha.”
“That was hilarious.”
“Yeah…. I’m 43!”

“Salute! To the family dinner! And to Sammi being an idiot!”

J-WOWW: “I say we write a lettah. An anonymous lettah. And then later, we can blame it all on Angelina.”
Angelina: “Hey, I’m staying out of this. I don’t know nothing about nobody. Although, remember that time when Ronnie was totally boning that girl on the dancefloor? I mean… NOT boning the girl. I mean… hey… I don’t know nothin, and I ain’t seen not nobody doing no anything.”

“Hey ladies. Wanna try the flavor of the day? It’s called My Dick, and it tastes like salty marinarrrre.”

Snooki: “How do you turn this fuckin’ machine on? Some jackoff broke this computer. Oh my God. Fuck my life.”

Snooki: “Dear Sammi. The jackoff you’re dating has been getting with grenades and making you look like a jackoff. Sincerely, An Anonymous Jackoff. PS: Fuck My Life.”

What did you think about this episode? What do you think about the Rammi situation? Should the girls have written that letter?