Bravo aired the second part of the explosive Real Housewives of New York City reunion, and it was just as bonkers as the first installment. Jill seemed significantly more contrite this time around, perhaps too contrite, and amusingly, LuAnn brought up the whole “snake” bit again. Alex, meanwhile, seemed totally derailed as she appeared to attack anything that moved. Luckily, we had Sonja around this time, and she gave us a lovely respite from the zaniness, which was brought in heaps thanks to Kelly Bensimon, who continued to make absolutely no sense whatsoever in describing her trip with the ladies down to the Caribbean.
Sadly, Bravo did not post any screencaps from last night’s show; so I took matters into my own hands. After the jump, my reunion recreation, featuring various items from my bar.
[insert twinkling Housewives music here]
Andy: “HAAAAAY, everyone!! [insert goofy wave] We’re back for part two of our reunion special! How is everyone doing?”
Jill: “I’m sorry for walking out. I apologize.”
Kelly: “Systematic bullying is never right.”
LuAnn: “Would you believe she called me a snake?”
“Great. I’d also like to welcome back our other couch of women: Sonja, Alex, Ramona, and Bethenny.”
Sonja: “It’s so hard keeping up with the drama of the day.”
Alex: “YOU are in high school, Andy. And while YOU are in high school, I am in Brooklyn!”
Ramona: “I’m glad we took that break just now. I feel renewed. I’m renewed. Sorry! I’m renewed.”
Bethenny: “Andy, are you sweating?”
“Me? No. I don’t think so.”
Bethenny: “You’re schvitzing everywhere. Oh my God. Stick a knife in me. I’m done. What do I know about sweating? I sweat like a monkey. All of a sudden I’m a monkey now. Seriously, stick a knife in me. A knife.”
“You’re right. I should have stuck a knife in you. I apologize. I made a mistake. I was wrong.”
“You were very mean, Jill.”
“You’re right. I have no excuse. I was wrong. I apologize.”
“I didn’t know Bobby had cancer. It would have been like if I had taken you into a stadium full of 1.2 million people and said my father had died.”
“I don’t get the reference, but you’re right. I was wrong. I made a mistake. I was wrong. What can I say? I was wrong. I apologize.”
“JILL, YOU KNEW! YOU KNEW!!! YOU KNEW!!!!!!!!”
“BUTT OUT OF THIS, ALEX!”
“YOU KNEW!”
“Alex, what did Jill know?”
“IT!”
“And what did she know about ‘it’?”
“THAT IT HAPPENED! I TOLD HER!”
“I TOLD YOU!!!”
“You’re out of your mind.”
“Systematic bullying.”
“Can someone adjust my pillow? It’s very uncomfortable. Sorry. It’s uncomfortable. No, you know what this pillow is? Déclassé. That’s what it is. I’m sorry, it’s déclassé.”
“My love, maybe you should move it around.”
“I tried that, LUANN.”
“Did she just call me a snake?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Watch your tongue, Andrew!”
“Girls will have their drama!”
“Girls WILL have their drama. Isn’t that right, JILL?? ISN’T THAT RIGHT?????”
“Alex, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“She’s saying that she’s upset.”
“You’re right, Bethenny. I apologize. That was wrong of me. I made a mistake!”
“Jill, this question comes from Amanda, who’s a member of the Bravo Bubble Mobile Fan Club Twitter Circle Party Float. She writes: ‘Jill, you are the worst human being on the face of the planet. Don’t you agree that it should have been you, and not Michael Jackson, who died last year? And if it had been you, do you realize that you would not have been on the cover of Time Magazine? And also, do you realize that when you breath air, babies die? Do you realize this?'”
“Andy, I can’t do this. I can’t! I’m very emotional! I can’t do this!”
“Systematic bullying.”
“C’mon, Jill. Stay.”
“I don’t know, Andy. I think I should leave.”
“Stay, my love. Everyone gets nasty things said about them. I mean, even me. Would you believe Bethenny called me a snake? ME! A snake!”
“I- I don’t know.”
“LEAVE BITCH! LEAVE!”
“Are we drinking yet?”
“Okay, I’m staying. I’m sorry, everyone. I apologize.”
“Great. That’s great. Now one of the most shocking episodes of the season saw Kelly Bensimon having a meltdown that was kind of uncomfortable to watch. We still aired it though. Kelly, can you tell us about it?”
Kelly: “Well, um, it’s–“
“NO. I can’t listen to this. I’m sorry! I can’t listen. Sorry.”
“Shhhh. Let her speak, Ramona.”
“I think that–“
“KELLY YOU’RE SERIOUSLY DELUSIONAL. YOU NEED HELP.”
“Sorry, you need help. No. You know what you need? Therapy. You need therapy.”
“Guys, guys, guys. Let Kelly speak.”
“I’m sorry. We’re sorry.”
“Kelly?”
…
“It’s okay. You can speak now.”
“Well… first off, Bravo forced me to go on this trip.”
“Okay, first of all, bitch, that’s not true, but I APPRECIATE IT.”
“Systematic bullying.”
“I can’t believe you’re bullying Kelly in the same city as the Cancer Society. I mean, NEVER in the same city as the CANCER SOCIETY!”
“Systematic bullying is never okay. Whether you’re a little girl, a big girl, or me.”
“WE DIDN’T BULLY YOU! YOU WERE CRAZY!”
“You’re right. I was wrong. I apologize. I didn’t like the way I was.”
“We weren’t talking to you, Jill.”
“IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!”
“Satchels of gold. Al Sharpton. Systematic bullying.”
“Can we move this along? I have customers waiting.”
“Customers! How simply shocking!”
[gasp!]
“Alex, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry. Every now and then I feel the need to gasp and look shocked.”
“I have feelings, UNLIKE THAT BITCH JILL ZARIN!!!!”
Andy: “Kelly, where are you going? Kelly?”
Ramona: “Good. Let her go. Kadoos for her. She’s crazy. She’s needs to be renewed. I’m sorry. She doesn’t look like Cameron Diaz. She doesn’t.”
“Seriously, kill me now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“YOU’RE NOT SORRY!!!”
“Seriously, though… would you believe Bethenny called me a snake? ME! A snake! The mouth on that one. So NASTY!”
What did you think about the reunion?
Flipping hysterical screencaps!!!!!! I thought I was the only one who noticed Alex randomly attacking people for no good reason. Kudos, I literally laughed out loud.
Me, too. Still am.
You are totally unbelievable, B-side. I don’t know how, but that was one of your funniest ones yet.
Andy as the sweaty smiley face was parfait. And Alex in Black. I swear that last night she was INDEED channeling the devil.
Kadoos to you, B-side! Now let’s all go take care of our customers.
Loves it. “Kelly” literally has a screw loose. At first I though Bethenney was waiving a white flag, but then I realized it was a dig at her weird space dress. Awesome.
I have been a long time fan, going back to your TVGasm days, and I have to say this may have been one of the funniest things you have ever posted. I can’t stop laughing! Hysterical. All of them were perfectly represented! Made my day.
Now that was slapping the arm of my chair funny.
(and I love that Jill was the prickly cactus shot glass even tho I suspect you made that one Jill due to her green shoes)
I give this 5 stars.
hb
This is hysterical and one of your best posts EVER! Thanks for the laugh
Great job, Ben! You were spot on.
The most hilarious was the Countess bringing up the snake accusation. You can really tell it hit a nerve on her! And her haughty laugh that spews out incredulity is hysterical.
Amazingly funnnie, thank you for making me laugh again! OMG Al Sharpton! As much as everyone dislikes Kelly, I actually like her, as well as the rest of the Women, even Jill Zarin.
Thanks again for the laughs!
KB
Loved this! I was laughing so hard at it. 😛 And YES. WTF was up with Alex attacking everyone? It was so crazy.
The funniest ever. Tummy ache funny. I can just picture you playing “reunion” in your apt. with your shot glass Housewives action figures. Please keep this gag going.
Kitchen utensils as Jersey cast?
LOADS better than the actual reunion! Hilarious!! Agree with HB that Jill as the prickly cactus was spot on and Bethenny’s fan was perfect. The whole thing last night kind of made me sad (as did the HORRIBLY weird RHNJ episode after) and this made me laugh a TON! Thanks!
I love that BasKetCase and HicksPub/Special K helped make this happen.
I noticed that too.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA brilliant. While so many of the captions made me laugh, I think the most clever part of this is Bethenny’s dress. Hilarious.
genius, darling, and i don’t even watch the show
SOLID GOLD.
Don’t you mean SATCHELS OF GOLD?
Too too too funny! Systematic bullying. LMAO!
I love you B-Side! Sweaty smiley shot glass as Andy = perfection! I felt like Andy was more aggressive this reunion compared to previous ones and I’m loving it.
Great recap…and photographs!
Can’t… breathe!
This was beyond hilarious. Beyond!
I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. This was as fun as a Mr. Bill episode!
Loved Bethenny’s dress! Nice work.
Excellent! But what the hell is Alex made of?
HILARIOUS.
Funniest thing I have read/heard in a long time!
Satchels of Gold!
Long time fan! Huge fan! I’ve never left a comment before, but I had to give you a shout out! That was one of the funniest bits of I have ever read! Pure gold! That was awesome. Loved the makeshift bow on the ‘Bethenny’ mug, too great.
Best. Photocap. Ever.
You hit the nail on the head for each housewife! It was pretty much perfection.
OMG Hilarious! I got the feeling that Kelly had worked with someone on what to say about it, and everytime her speech was interrupted, she started right back from where she left off. This was pure genius.
OHMIGOSH! Great recap!
“Bravo Bubble Mobile Fan Club Twitter Circle Party Float” – I seriously almost spit my coffee out onto my computer with this one – hilarious recap!! I hope the barware comes back for part three!!
Genius glassware choices. Although I think it was obvious that Sonja the Tequila Shot Glass was chosen first and everyone else had to make do from there.
After seeing your genius styling work on the Bethenny glass, have you ever thought of getting a job with Kelly Cutrone?
OMFG.
Jill, this question comes from Amanda, who’s a member of the Bravo Bubble Mobile Fan Club Twitter Circle Party Float.
You have absolutely nailed Andy Cohen and how ridiculous Bravo is with its twittering and its and its fans’ giddyness over these ridiculous women.
Is Alex made out of a Mac Tonight bar accessory?
Best. Recap. Ever!
Dying laughing…..beyond funny.
This is the screen caps of ALL screen caps!!! Seriously, you’ve out done yourself! Blogger to blogger I am extremely proud! Bravo! (Pun intended!)
It’s even better with the shot glasses than the screen caps!
Totally lurv the inane smiley-face-San-Francisco Andy glass. Too bad it also didn’t say “Castro Street” or the “Exotic Erotic Ball” on it.
Holy crap that was funny! And you have their speech patterns down. Brilliant.
WOW! Hilarious! Very, very clever.
wonderful. How many times can Jill say “I apologize” and never really apologize for anything? Someone told her to be humble and I’m kind of impressed at how well she could hang onto that role. I hope you filled all the ladies (and Andy) up with Kell-Ade after the big photoshoot. Is that like a Mexican Margarita?!
I think Jill was just better at expressing the script the PR people gave her than Kelley was. Not that Jill was believable, it’s easy to see through her, but Kelley could only remember a few words from what she was supposed to express, like systematic bullying and break through not break down.
Loved it! Too, too funny! You had their speech patterns down pat! PLEASE do more!
Hilarious! I needed that laugh…thank you, BSB!
BEST photocap EVER. And I love Bethenny’s bow!!! Hilarious.
this was HILARIOUS!! thankyou so much for the laughs – you are one funny mofo!