I’m happy to report that things were a touch more interesting this week on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It’s still not scintillating TV, but at least I felt somewhat engaged this second episode. Most of the activity centered around either the Manzo kids (who are still winsome and utterly likable) or the modeling careers of Danielle and Teresa’s daughters. The latter girl showed us more of the same from last season: a creepy desire to WURK IT, despite being barely old enough to ride the kiddie rollercoaster at Six Flags. Danielle’s daughter Christine, however, truly has the goods to be a model (something I’ve actually believed since last year), and it seems as though that might be coming to fruition. None other than IMG Models signed the teen, and her first photo shoot was with the one and only Gilles Bensimon, ex-husband to New York housewife Kelly Bensimon. Say what you will, but this was actually a pretty big deal, and honestly, I was very happy about it. True, Danielle is a monster, but she is fiercely loyal to her daughters, who I imagine must have had a hard time dealing with all the crap this past year from both their mom’s fellow cast members as well as the media scrutiny as a whole. It’s nice to know that things are looking up for those girls, and it felt strangely satisfying to see Christine excel in modeling after Caroline claimed earlier in the episode that she and her sister both looked dead in the eyes. (Maybe they look dead in the eyes because they’re SCARED OF YOU).
Of course, Christine’s newfound success has meant that Daneille can now ride the coattails of her daughter in the most sadly vicarious way possible. True, she was a proud momma with a grinning rictus spread across her face nearly the entire episode. However, with Danielle, it went more than just being merely happy. This was her big F-you to the world. Proof that she wasn’t trash; proof that she and her brood could make it after all; proof that she was BETTER. That’s why — when she was done momentarily living her life through Christine — Danielle arranged an elaborate luncheon in honor of her daughter. It was ostensibly a way to celebrate Christine landing the cover of a prominent fashion industry mag, but truth be told, Danielle just wanted to brag. I suppose that’s within a mother’s right, but this was actually more than bragging. It was a way of simultaneously one-upping the Manzos and subtly asking for their acceptance. Too bad none of the invited members (Dina and Jacqueline) attended. They both alerted Danielle that they couldn’t make it, but Danielle put out seats for them anyway, just to illustrate their snubs to the other classy broads at the table.
“I’m not passive, and I’m not aggressive,” Danielle informed us (passive-aggressively), in one of the more amusing delusions of the evening. I suppose she’s half right — she’s certainly not passive. But aggressive? Just a touch.
Perhaps “transparent” might be a better adjective. After all, this alleged luncheon in honor of her daughter didn’t seem to actually feature her daughter. Try as I might, I couldn’t find Christine at the table. Heck, even Christine admitted the event was for her mom, not her. And let’s not overlook Danielle’s eagerness to jump in front of Gilles Bensimon’s camera and shoot a pic with her daughter. Yes, it’s a great opportunity, and no, she shouldn’t have turned it down, but one couldn’t help but feel that Danielle was making the moment about herself. Just a touch.
Speaking of vicarious mothers, Teresa Giudice was no better with the burgeoning showbiz career of young Gia. It was the same old, same old with these two: overeager stage mom and starry-eyed daughter. This time around, Gia auditioned to walk in Fashion Week, and to be honest, I had my doubts about this endeavor. I mean, modeling requires a certain look, and… how do I put this kindly? I’ll just say this: she probably has a GREAT personality.
Nevertheless, Gia did manage to land the gig, which resulted in her shrieking with glee. More amusing was Joe, who seemed to care more about chopping garlic than listening to his wife share the news. It was indeed a cackle-worthy moment.
In terms of the other daughters this week (a theme, I suppose), we had Jacqueline’s mess of a girl, Ashley, getting all pissy after her mother deigned to ask if she uses a designated driver when she goes out (judging by the temper tantrum, I’d say that’s a NO). Caroline’s girl, meanwhile, continued to deal with the wrath of her brother in the wake of her relationship with his best friend. It’s sort of a cute, charming storyline, but I gotta admit that I’m not terribly compelled by it.
Here are some pics:
“Is it bad that I kind of have a thing for Grandma Wrinkles?”
Danielle: “There are only two problems with this house: nails in the wall and shabby wainscoting. Pay attention, puh-LEASE!”
“You know what they say: you hang around arugula & pear salad too long, you start to smell like arugula & pear salad!”
“Ugh, my vagina hurts so much right now. Everything’s swollen down there. Joe says it tastes like three day old braciole.”
Caroline: “Let me tell you a something about arugula and pear salad. It’s very nice!”
“Don’t throw ham at me, ALBIE!!!”
“Fine, then don’t date my oaf friend!”
“He’s not an oaf! He’s a MAN!”
“Please, he looks like Shrek if Shrek worked at a used car lot.”
“SHREK IS HAWT!!!”
“Okay, there’s no hope for you.”
“I like to think of myself as a modern day Bonnie Franklin.”
“Don’t you love my little Gia? I even dressed her up in an old quilt I found at TJ Maxx.”
“You’re gonna repaint my room and get rid of this awful pink?? OMG MOMMY THANK YOU!!!!!”
“I’m so proud of my daughter right now. And by ‘my daughter,’ I mean me.”
“Who’s dead in the eyes now, BITCHES??”
Danielle: “Thank you for letting me ruin this photo for you, sweetie.”
“So what does everyone think about my new hair and makeup? I really wanted something that would age me fifteen years.”
“This thing is cool. Can I have it?”
“No, he’s MINE!!”
Baby: “Please, take me with you!”
“OMG, I’m five days old, and already they’ve got me in Ed Hardy. GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!”
“Thank you for coming to this classy luncheon. As you all know, it’s in honor of my beautiful daughter. And by ‘my beautiful daughter,’ I mean ME.”
What did you think about the episode?
ARG… we need a reminder this nightmare is on MONDAY night.
Danielle’s behavior at Christine’s shoot was awful and an embarrassment, she wants so bad to run with the Manzos and using her daughter to drag them back into her bullshi, and they know it, hello Danielle pay attention they don’t like you!!
The freaking Ham game!!
Ashley and Jacqueline, sounded like Lynn and Alexa, until Jacqueline told her she can leave and TAKE HER LAUNDRY WITH HER!!!!!!!!! I stood and cheered
I loved that Danielle’s “friend” – the Kim D bitch was at her party acting like they were all buddy buddys when she had just been telling Caroline, Teresa and Dina that she was not friends with Danielle. Hello. Cameras. Filming. TV show.
The Daily Front Row has an interesting article about Christine & her Mom, including a brief interview of Christine. She seems like she will make an excellent Real Housewife someday:
Daily: What do you want to be if the modeling thing doesn’t pan out?
Christine: I used to want to be a heart surgeon, but I wanted to be it for so long that I got bored of the idea. Now I like watching plastic surgery on TV.
hb
I am glad to see Christine poised to succeed. How Danielle’s daughters can be so mature and reasonable with that lunatic for a mother is a mystery for the ages.
If there was any doubt about whether the photo shoot was about Danielle or Christine, Danielle answered that question when she refused to let Christine invite any of her friends to the luncheon.
Theresa’s daughter is cute, but not pretty. She may want to put a little more emphasis on academics.
Did anyone else reminisce fondly about Zach Galifianakis’s SNL stint during the bidet segment?
holy heck that little gia girl’s eyes give me the creeps! Maybe she’ll grow into something cute, but for now I get hives, everything just blends together on her.
Christine is gorg!
I too was happy for Christine. It must be really hard for her and her sister to have mom like Danielle and all the media and what not. I am baffled that they are so mature and well adjusted.
Danielle just needs to give it up. The Manzo’s want nothing to do with you. MOVE ON!
And yes Gia is a little troll like, but you have to admire her spunk and passion. How many girls her age have that much confidence? Plus I find her entertaining.
Yeah, I’m with you, B-side; I have thought both of Danielle’s spawn simply lovely from the start, and I’ll bet both girls have a real shot in the industry. Frankly, the younger of the two seems a bit more firmly grounded and less air-brained, though no one said you needed much up there to be a model. Who is the father of this pair, I wanna know. They didn’t get their patrician jaw-lines and brows from HER line, that’s pretty obvious.
So I know it’s not exactly the same but still similar… Vicki’s kids are also very well adjusted and quite normal even though it’s clear their mom is both insane and a workaholic. Who is to say that Danielle’s kids can’t overcome her psychosis?
Oh and one more thing, even though Danielle’s face looks like it’s been pulled entirely too tight, I do see some of her in her daughters. I’m curious to see what Danielle looked like in a younger natural state.
At times Christine looked mortified at her mother during the photo shoot. Which was a big deal with Bensimon as the photographer, who by the way, looks so old to be married to Kelly (hiiiiiieeeee).
I think Christine’s beauty makes Danielle look worse in their picture.
Caroline’s kid amuse me, and they seem the most normal, ham game excluded.
Christine looks dead in the eyes to me. She clearly needs a lesson from Tyra. SMYZE!!!
instatherapy:most children from psychotic parents become or have to become “their own parents” or a parent to the parent.
The dead look results from not expressing any reaction to anything out of necessity. The younger daughter seems a little more childlike because her older sister protected her while growing up.
Now that Christine is a teen, she’s breaking away, like any teen would do, and the younger daughter seems to haven’t any option other than cling to her crazed mom.
shooot…I dunno.
Christina, one word. Emancipation. OK 2 words Emancipation FAST!
And, get that younger child into a safe home even faster!
Clarification..dead eyed and expressionless…let’s say…you’ve been hired by Caroline to become Danielle’s best bud and uncover the truth behind the madness.
And you do…infiltrate the small circle. One day you walk in to Danielle’s house only to find, a young boy tied up in the 16th bedroom, under a rug that hadn’t been vacuumed in 7 months, you have to remain dead eyed and calm.
And just when you’re about to free the hostage, you hear in the next room, a Jersey drug cartel making deal on some 400 lbs of meth for the boys safe return….you remain expressionless.
As you turn around to motion the young man to come to the window so you both can escape, he’s holding a gun to your head, you remain calm, dead eyed…(pretend to be strong!)
You kick the gun out of his hand, open the window, trying to jump out off the second story into the pool below, only to discover a porn is being filmed in the spa, and if you jumped, you’d land on a couple of sheep.
Again. Dead Eyed and Expresionless…just like her kids have had to do alll these many years
This is how I believe they grew up. Danielle lives in Crazytown still!