After an egregious, abhorrent one week absence, Kell On Earth returned to the airwaves Monday night, and while FUCKING FASHION WEEK is now over, the stress remains high and intense at the offices of People’s Revolution. This latest episode focused on the trials and tribulations of Stephanie Skinner, who seemed to be crumbling under the weight of Steph Vorhees’ abandoned responsibilities. And let me tell you something: poor Skinner does not take stress well. Her eyes become sunken, her face goes pale, and she more or less looks like death. You know, like Kelly (who amusingly admitted that she is not the most photogenic person in the Western World).
Anyway, as Stephanie tried to take on every task herself, her life was made imminently more difficult by the two-headed beast that is Robily (or Emilyn?). The two senior staff members repeatedly demanded more and more from wee Skinner, who admittedly seems to be fairly unskilled in the delegation and prioritization department. As you can imagine, this led to a one way ticket on the meltdown express, especially after Emily — the most cutting and nasty of the group — asked for some much needed reports. Skinner announced that she didn’t have them quite ready, and then the next thing we knew, both women were yelling at each other, with Skinner ultimately trotting out of the office to sob in the street. To be fair to Emily, I wouldn’t say Stephanie’s methods of communication are always the wisest. I get the sense that she’s trying to hold her own in this office of power bitches, but her responses to her superiors’ questions often come off as defensive and bratty, not self-possessed and confident. It’s enough to make a supervisor go batty. Plus, I’m not sure they want to keep hearing about how she’s doing the work of umpteen people.
But then again, Stephanie is doing the work of umpteen people, and as far as we can tell, the Andrews are doing nothing but staring at their computers and dreaming about getting laid. Part of me feels like Stephanie doesn’t want to delegate her work in an effort to be something of a martyr, and then another part of me wonders if maybe she’s just wary of letting someone like Andrew Serrano touch anything vaguely important, lest he spill a bottle of bronzer or lube over an important document.

Speaking of Andrew Serrano, the chirpy assistant had a blind date, and he pulled out all the stops for it: mainly he bought a bottle of lube (well, actually, Kelly got it for him). He also brought out his best A-Game moves when he challenged his poor suitor with a series of awkward word associations. It was bizarre, and I know that if I were ever on a date with someone who did that, I’d be spending the rest of the evening trying to remember each and every word so I could go back and laugh about it with my friends. Amusingly, Kelly and the Other Andrew appeared midway through this romantic evening and totally ambushed the guys, which normally I’d consider to be an awful thing, but considering how this date was going, I’d actually label it as a positive development. Poor Andrew Serrano looked mortified. I bet somebody loaded up on the Atavin that night!

“I just want the McRib to be back!”

Woman: “And you’ll see that our designers really put a lot of thought into this piece here.”
Emily: “That’s great. Where are my wrap reports?”
“Excuse me?”
“The reports. Where are they?”
“I don’t work for you.”
Robyn: “I need my reports too.”
Emily: “But I need my reports more.”

“Okay, let me break it down for you. I’m a power bitch, and this is my fucking fashion show. You know why? I put a lot of work and a lot of time and a lot of heart into getting to where I am, and I’m sorry, but that’s the way it goes when it’s FUCKING FASHION WEEK!”

“Okay, let’th play some word athothiathon. Tell me what you think about when I thay ‘unicorn.'”
Caller: “Um, is Robyn there or not?”

Emily: “Skinner, have you thought about what you want for lunch?”
Stephanie: “No. I’m doing the work of like FIVE people. But okay, fine, yeah, I’ll think of lunch. I’ll just do it. That’s FINE.”

“There’s a tightrope / between me and this dildo.”

Emily: “Hahhaha, great job Skinner! And by ‘great job,’ I mean you are making me so angry I could RIP THIS DOOR RIGHT OFF ITS HINGES.”

“I… I just can’t take this anymore. How could this be Lost’s final season?”

“I guess it works out for the best. After all, I’m watching enough TV for like SEVEN PEOPLE!”

Andrew: “Have I told you about my blind date?”
“No. But… whatever. I’ll just do it.”
“I’ll just tell myself about your blind date. That’s FINE!”

“Okay, guess what everyone? I’m the most important bitch in this company; so when I ask for something to get done, I want it done. Now who took my PONCHO?”

Andrew: “Ohmygosh Kelly. You’re totally ruining my chances of getting laid!”
Guy: “Yeah, it wasn’t going to happen anyway.”

“Computer, where are my reports? Why aren’t you answering me? Hello? When I ask for a report, computer, I expect one. How am I supposed to work like this?”

“Listen, computer. Just do ONE task at a time. If you can’t give me my reports, then you’re never going to make it in this industry. COMPUTER? ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”

Andrew: “You’re hot.”
Guy: “Thanks dude, but I’m straight. Hey, why’s your cleaning lady staring at me?”

“I’d like to order one chopped salad, two iced Americanos, and one hummus wrap. Also, tell the delivery boy that I NEED MY GODDAMN REPORTS!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK LIKE THIS???”

“You know, Emily, when we fight, it’s really like fighting with a sister. A sister I HATE.”

Ina: “Oh these. THESE are wonderful. They’re woven from the hair of two hundred Bolivian children.”

Kelly: “I love our relationship. It’s so European.”
“Well, yeah, I suppose.”
“I mean, look at us just sitting here having a EUROPEAN relationship.”
“People must always be like, wow, look at those EUROPEANS and their RELATIONSHIP!”
“Look, Kelly, you’re not European.”
“Well, guess what? I’m the most important bitch at this table; so when I say I’m European, yeah, that means I’m FUCKING EUROPEAN.”
Kelly: “Did you like that outburst? It was SO European.”

What did you think about this episode? Thoughts on the Skinner vs. Emily battle?

6 replies on “KELL ON EARTH PHOTOCAP: Back to New York”

  1. I loved when she ripped her t-shirt and was like “hey – even when I accidently do something it is fucking fabulous.”
    Oh and buying the 47-year-old receptionist in her doctor’s office her first vibrator was hilarious. I will never be able to look at my doctor’s receptionist again without wondering if she needs to be ‘hooked up’.

  2. I didn’t get why the missing tequila was such an issue, couldn’t one of the assistants or interns go and get some to tide them over? Why was it a life and death situation? Maybe everyone was too bust DOING REPORTS!!!

  3. How hot is Kelly’s baby daddy? I wouldn’t mind having a very European relationship with him myself.

  4. Great recap.
    Has anyone else noticed the dark circles under Skinner’s eyes? She’s too young to look haggard like that!

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