IT’S A BRADSASTER! Rachel Zoe has come down with… a cold! Or maybe a stomach virus. Or perhaps food poisoning. Whatever it is, she feels terrible and wants to throw up. Yes, this was the state of affairs at the end of last night’s The Rachel Zoe Project, and as the dramatic stylist was returned to her condo for a rejuvenating nap in her robe and bangles, the big question on everyone’s mind was: WILL RACHEL DIE?
Literally.
Just about the only one who didn’t seem concerned about imminent death was Roger, the only sane person on this wacky, wacky television show. In fact, he seemed so confident that Rachel’s ailment was a big nothing that he even kissed her on the lips. Ewwww. Look, she’s not gonna die, but she’s still sick. THIS IS HOW SWINE FLU IS SPREAD, PEOPLE!
Anyway, the much-hyped illness was only a brief coda on the episode (which even featured an all too dramatic “To Be Continued” at the end). Most of the show pertained to a rather uninteresting photo shoot, which we’ll try not to re-live, and a truly hilarious attempt to weave Rachel into an animated webisode for Ashton Kutcher. I won’t get into the details, but needless to say, it all culminated in Rachel engaging with invisible characters (or “GHOSTS” as she called them) in the middle of a room. It really doesn’t get much more amazing than that. Many “ohmygods” were had.
After the jump, pictures from the episode…
“Ohmygod. I love this. I’m wearing it. I’m wearing it right now. I’m literally putting it on. Literally, my arms are in its sleeves. It is LITERALLY on me. I am LITERALLY wearing this.”
“Ohmygod, Rachel. You literally look like you’re wearing my bath mat.”
“I literally look like a yeti. I love it. Yeti is so Spring look right now.”
“Ohmygod, I’m literally scared that you’ll attack me in classic yeti fashion.”
“Literally, I love this. I’m wearing it out. Where am I going?”
“Ohmygod, you’re going to 7-Eleven.”
“Literally, I’m going to 7-Eleven and getting a Slurpee. Ohmygod. Slurpees… are… bah-nananas.”
“Ohmygod, Slurpees are literally my favorite thing. Ever.”
“Do you realize that Slurpees are shutting it down right now? I am going to literally walk into 7-Eleven, find the Slurpee machine, and then put this vest ON the Slurpee machine. It will be the most amazing Slurpee machine I will have ever seen. In my life. Literally.”
“Ohmygod. It will literally be a shag Slurpee.”
“Ohmygod. I love it. I have to tell my client, Annie.”
“I love Annie.”
“You’re turning red.”
“I’m always red.”
“You look like someone went to Home Depot, picked out a color sample, and that color was red.”
“Ohmygod, I’m literally red.”
“You are literally like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Except instead of purple, you’re red. They should remake that movie with you. And call you RED.”
“Rachel, I’m sitting over here now. How funny is that?”
“Ohmygod, Brad, I am literally sitting on top of you.”
“You are LITERALLY breaking my bones.”
“Brad, you’re being over-Bramatic.”
“No, I’m not.”
“And now you have a Braditude.”
“Rachel!”
“This morning is a Bradsaster.”
“Ohmygod. I’m talking to invisible people. And, Jesus Chris, I have to remember their names. What did Ashton sign me up for? This is a disaster. No, it’s an Ashsaster.”
“Wait. What am I doing? I LITERALLY have no idea where I am.”
“LITERALLY, if we just keep walking in this direction and don’t stop, we’re going to run into the wall. This is a disaster.”
“Ohmygod. This is three looks in one. I love it. I want to wear it. I want to literally wear it and walk outside with it and look at geese in the park with it.”
“There is no park nearby.”
“Oh really? Do you think maybe we could make one?”
“Probably not.”
“I think we should.”
“We can’t.”
“Maybe it could be a cool park. Like, I don’t know. Just kind of make it cool and younger looking. You know? Like, if I’m already wearing the hot clothes, the park might as well look hot too.”
“No, we literally can’t build a park this afternoon.”
“That’s too bad. A goose park would literally be the cutest thing ever.”
“Ohmygod, that webisode was so funny.”
“SO funny.”
“Literally, one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.”
“I was like ‘I’m never going to be able to see a comedy again because I’ve already seen the funniest thing ever, and it’s right here in this webisode.'”
“And I loved what the girls were wearing.”
“Literally, they were so cute.”
“SO cute.”
“And when the girl LITERALLY gave birth to a cow? I die. I die.”
“That placenta was shutting it down.”
“Oh. My. God. I WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD!”
“I’m literally shaking right now. Literally, my hands are like having small earthquakes.”
“Ohmygod, I just want to throw up on Taylor.”
“Roger, I literally can’t decide which is better: eyes open or eyes closed.”
“Whichever you like.”
“Literally, I’m going to die.”
“It’s just a stomach virus.”
“No, I die. I die. My body is SHUTTING IT DOWN. And by ‘it,’ I mean, ‘my body.’ Literally, my body is shutting my body down.”
“At least you’re in your robe.”
“Oh, I know. SO cute.”
What did you think about the episode?
I’m glad you’re recapping this show, Ben. I can’t bear to sit through it. Your recaps are MUCH more interesting.
Why does Taylor think Rachel is dying? She kept saying it over and over, is she worried that if Rachel does die [which is so freaking crazy to even say out loud] then there goes that job of working on the RZ brand?
How must it feel to know that when it comes down to *it*, you do nothing for a living? Well, you make a big deal out of getting sick! Wow, she is sad.
B-Side, this is LITERALLY the most hilarious thing I’ve ever read. I am LITERALLY rolling on the floor, like, laughing right now. You, are shutting it down. SHUT IT DOWN.