West Hollywood Planning Commission Convenes, Idiots Flock

I’m so fired up with political activism right now I’m surprised there’s no annoying Facebook group dedicated to me. Last night, I attended my very first Planning Commission meeting here in West Hollywood, and while I knew I’d encounter several stodgy old people and myopic idiots, I didn’t realize the degree to which they’d a) annoy me, b) get me riled up, and c) use poor logic to defend their statements.
The issue at hand was whether or not The Standard Hotel could extend its pool-side bar service hours. I won’t bore you with the details, but the proposed resolution would ultimately allow the hotel to serve until 1:30 AM on the weekends. I, of course, was totally for this move for a variety of reasons, the most self-serving being that I would love to enjoy my nights at The Standard without being herded away from the pool at the stroke of 11:30 PM . More importantly, however, keeping The Standard open until closing time would keep it and The Sunset Strip competitive with other nightlife options — most of which are fleeing to Hollywood. And after seeing this planning board, I understand the exodus.
My entire experience at the meeting after the jump. Be warned, I will be ranting.

Before I dig into this, some of you may be wondering why I even went to this planning meeting, as I’m not the most politically active blogger out there. Well, here’s the small back story. Two weeks ago, I was invited to The Standard for a neighborhood gathering, which was basically a nifty way for the local nightlife operators to kiss our asses and implore us to take their sides in this matter. Little did they realize that I was already pro-Sunset Strip. I’m not saying I love every establishment out there — some are outright awful (cough, Miyagi’s, cough) — however, their presence is important and necessary. Los Angeles sorely lacks both pedestrian-friendly areas AND nightlife, and here’s a world-famous destination that provides both for this poorly laid out city. Furthermore, I really have no tolerance for neighbors that complain about noise. I mean, the Sunset Strip has been around since the ’20s. If you don’t like noise, don’t move next door and expect everything to change for you. (Expect variations of this argument many, many times throughout this post).
Anyway, I met several business owners at The Standard, and when they informed me that this meeting was on the horizon, I decided that I ought to give something back (you know, on TOP of those stiff drink prices). Besides, I’m not doing anything better with myself these days. And so it was with a strange combination of mild activism and sheer boredom that I ventured down to the West Hollywood gymnasium yesterday to help out The Standard.
Well, things started on an appropriately awkward note for me as I arrived to a completely empty venue. Despite having been told that the meeting would start at six, it turned out I was a half an hour early. I really didn’t know what to do with myself. The gym was desolate. Silent. Brooding. It felt like the really low-rent version of 28 Days Later.

I feel like a zombie’s going to attack me… and then ask for construction permits.

After about ten minutes of me roaming around like a vagrant, people started to amble in, and I began to feel better about myself. (There’s something about arriving ridiculously early that always makes me feel like an idiot. Thankfully, I would have a whole hour’s worth of local politics ahead of me to remind me otherwise.) Anyway, the meeting got underway, and almost instantly, there was tension in the room. One neighbor, Terry, stood up at the podium and expressed polite frustration that at a previous planning meeting, one commissioner, Donald DeLuccio, had made some disparaging remarks about her that she was unable to rebut. WELL. You would have thought she’d accused him of raping a kitten and then murdering twelve nuns. He sternly and angrily refuted the allegation, and as another commissioner, Barbara Hamaker, apologized on behalf of the board, I couldn’t help thinking that this might be quite the interesting night.
Well, the Terry vs. Don brouhaha settled down (thanks to Babs), and we moved onto the pressing issue of The Standard’s pool hours. From the get-go, the board took a very adversarial stance toward the two representatives of The Standard who, admittedly, didn’t give the most personable or slick presentation ever. One commissioner, John Altschul, seemed particularly peeved when he found out that only one person on the Planning Commission had been invited to a neighborhood meeting held at The Standard. Meanwhile, commissioner DeLuccio continued his prickly streak when he chided The Standard for using “Hollywood” on their official stationary instead of “West Hollywood.” Smart moves by The Standard? Not really. But ultimately, these complaints really just reflected the bruised egos of local officials, and nothing else.
Hostile Sidebar: Maybe The Standard wouldn’t be so embarrassed to write “West Hollywood” if the city ensured that The Strip didn’t suck so much these days.
Anyway, after the corporate presentation was over, it was time to open up the floor to the people. And thanks to my woefully early arrival, I was first. Lucky me!
I really didn’t want to go first because I hadn’t quite crystalized my thoughts. I hadn’t written anything down, confident that I could just wing this bad boy (WRONG). However, since no opposition to The Standard had been voiced yet, I really didn’t know what tone to strike or points to make. I had no one to play off of. I didn’t want to sound defensive, lest that sour the Commission, but I also didn’t want potential arguments by following speakers to go unanswered. As a result, I wound up giving a fairly unfocused panegyric in favor of the hotel, exalting its presence and affirming that I’ve never had a problem with the noise levels, despite living directly across the street (ed. note: no stalking please. It will not be received well). Somewhere in my rambling speech (it’s all a bit of a blur to me), I noted ineloquently that I had moved to the Sunset Strip because of its accessible nightlife, and with so much of it having gone away, The Standard remained one of the few hubs of the neighborhood. Handcuffing it would undermine both the hotel and the Strip’s ability to stay competitive with the burgeoning Hollywood scene.
I then reiterated some points (I’m a rambler), and as I wrapped up my little speech, something came over me. I just felt the need to be… snarky. I told the Commission that the Sunset Strip has been around for decades. People who move next door and complain about the noise, well, that’s like moving next to a dumpster and complaining about the smell. ZING!
AUDIBLE SNICKER DETECTED!
And with that, I stepped away from the mic, confident that I had saved my speech with a well-executed zinger. Literally, my heart was racing. This was what it must have felt like to “dis” someone on Ricki Lake. The following two people echoed my sentiments, but in a much less wordy fashion — they had the good sense to write down their thoughts ahead of time. Yes, it seemed like there was hope for The Standard after all.
Then came the idiots. Starting with this guy:

This guy was the first of several neighbors who opposed the resolution because of the noise, quality of life concerns, and privacy issues. Specifically, this resident, STAN, announced that he too lived across from The Standard, and because his condo was about five stories up, the sound traveled over the sound wall and pierced his sensitive ears. Furthermore, he felt like a hostage in his own apartment as he feared going out on his balcony, lest unruly drinkers at The Standard see him in all his glory. I’m not kidding. He specifically complained about not being able to go out on his balcony because people would see him. Newsflash: drinkers at The Standard aren’t the only ones with eyeballs. Newsflash 2: what exactly are you planning to do on your balcony anyway?
Even worse, this guy then complained that this resolution would negatively impact his view. What in the what what? I’m not sure I understand how the presence of people by The Standard’s pool affects the landscape, especially from an apartment that has wide panoramic views, possibly out to the sea. Point is, there’s much more to look at, and no one from The Standard is obstructing the view.
(Ed. Note —  looking back at the meeting footage, it turns out that I misconstrued Stan’s complaint. He didn’t say that his view was obstructed. Rather, he insisted that because of all the onlookers at The Standard, he couldn’t access his view freely due to the blinds always being drawn. An idiotic argument nonetheless.)
Of course, it all comes back to the same question: if you had these issues about noise levels and privacy and views, why did you purchase a condo adjacent to The Sunset Strip? I’m not sure I should be held accountable for your inability to logically deduce that if you purchase a condominium less than half a block from one of the most famous entertainment destinations in the country, there might be NOISE.
I should note that STAN (and others) also complained about the lack of notification for Standard-based neighborhood meetings, thus implying that the hotel simply did not care about the nearby residents. He claimed that contrary to what had been stated, there were no fliers posted at his building. I almost felt bad for Stan. Obviously, he was neurologically incapable of grasping the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t seen the fliers. Or maybe the fliers were taken down by landlords or tenants or WIND. Nevertheless, it was impossible for Stan to know whether or not the stupid fliers had been posted, and that, unfortunately, made Stan’s point, well, pointless. Full disclosure: the fliers are always posted on my building.
What followed next were about seven people who came from the Stan school of thought: it’s loud, I can’t sleep, quality of life has gone down, I don’t get fliers, etc.. One person even had the temerity to assert that at 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning, people shouldn’t be eating and drinking ANYWAY. What the? I’m telling you, these people were ridiculous. And again, if pressed, I’m sure none of them could explain why they hadn’t foreseen these issues when they moved to the area. It’s like when people buy houses next to highways and then task the government to erect soundproof walls. We all have to pay for their self-centeredness. I know, I know. I’m being simplistic. Just bare with me. I’M RILED UP.

Well, as the naysayers continued to make their illogical cases, I found myself squirming with frustration. Had I been farther down the speaking queue, I certainly would have been more streamlined, more pointed, and more effective as all these people had only served to clarify my thoughts. However, since all the pro-Standard people had already said their piece, there was no way to counter these angry citizens — who, I assure you, are the vocal minority. At one point, the leader of the Sunset Strip Business Association took the podium, and I thought for sure we might get a nice rebuttal, but all he did was basically list off his organization’s services and offer some well-meaning but ineffective rhetoric. Sigh.
I suppose what shocked me most about the experience was that so many of the complainers were people in their late thirties and forties. Only one senior citizen spoke up, and she was quite the doozy. Under any other circumstance, I would have thought she was the best, but alas, I couldn’t condone her unsurprising, crotchety bias against The Standard. At one point, she said, “I have been to parties there, and believe me, it is plenty, plenty noisy!” It’s amazing about old people sometimes. Everything’s loud to them and yet they hear nothing. (And yes, this woman had a hearing device dangling from her ears). I can assure you, The Standard by and large is not loud. More importantly though, the idea of this old lady sipping a martini by the pool is both horrific AND wonderful.

“I’m old and angry!”

I did have a modicum of sympathy for one guy who revealed that he had been living in his apartment since 1991, which predates The Standard. He said that ever since the hotel came to town, quality of life had dropped. I understood where his frustration was coming from. However, the fact remains that he moved into an apartment just feet from the Strip. Just because there was no trendy hotel across the street in 1991 didn’t mean that the potential for one wasn’t there —  it’s prime real estate on The Sunset Strip. If this were another street, another district —  fine. But it’s not. It’s THE SUNSET STRIP. People, think about these things!
But no one typified questionable judgment more than the last woman who spoke against the hotel. She lamented that many of the people speaking tonight had spent thousands of dollars on condos and apartments, unaware of the noise levels and “ruckus” and foot traffic etc. etc.. For example, she only just bought her condo a year ago, and if she had known then what she knows now about the noise, she might not have bought it. She then went on to say that she used to live behind The Mondrian Hotel —  another fixture on the Strip —  and she found that hotel to be similarly loud and disruptive to her life.
So for those of you playing along at home, let me recap: this woman lived behind one hotel on the Sunset Strip, thought it was too loud, moved to another condo that was behind another hotel on the Sunset Strip, and then just complained that she didn’t know there’d be noise and commotion??? FOR REAL???
OH MY GOD THESE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS!!!
It’s like letting Big Brother candidates decide public policy!!!

“In conclusion, I’d like to add that I have no logic.”

I was dying. DYING I tell you! And let me just add that if I ever fork over $700,000 for a condo (which is about how much a unit costs in this woman’s building), I am damn well making sure I know every miniscule detail about the neighborhood.
Anyway, the discussion then migrated back to the Commission, which heard a five minute rebuttal from the hotel and then proceeded to pick apart the situation. They asked a multitude of pointed questions, and after a while, I wondered if some of them had even been to the Standard. One official, John D’Amico, seemed puzzled by the entire layout of the hotel. He couldn’t fathom why a space with a nightclub, a restaurant, and a lobby —  all of which had been approved for serving alcohol — would need more space by the pool for further drinking. On paper, it sounds like he might have a point, but had he ever spent any appreciable time at the hotel, he’d see why his comments seemed so baseless. You see, the nightclub portion of the hotel is about the size of a very large living room. No joke. The diner is, well, a diner. Who wants to get cocktails at a diner? Same goes for the hotel lobby. The pool deck, however, is large and airy and open — the perfect draw for Sunset Strip business. For D’Amico to suggest that patrons drink elsewhere in the hotel would be like throwing a party and insisting that your guests all stay in the kitchen. Technically it could work, but practically it’s ridiculous.
Eventually, the resolution came to a vote, and to my surprise, it looked like there might be hope. Three of the six commissioners voted in favor of extending The Standard’s hours (including Babs! I knew I liked her!), but of course Altschul and DeLuccio denied it. This left one last vote: D’Amico. If he voted for the resolution, then it would pass. If he voted against, the tie would kill it. He squirmed under pressure, but ultimately, he simply felt it wasn’t fair to keep the pool open an extra hour and a half when drinkers could just as easily go inside.
SIGH.
Altschul did make a very direct, salient argument that he simply could not condone keeping the pool open later just so a business could collect more money at the expense of neighbors; however, I feel like the issue is larger and broader than that. Again, I just have to go back to my stance: in the case of the Sunset Strip, people should know what they’re getting into. This doesn’t apply to all neighborhoods, but ultimately, in this case, residents need to take a certain degree of personal responsibility for their choices. Someone who purchases a house in the hills accepts the risk of a mudslide. Someone who moves next to a fire station accepts the risk of sirens. And people who move into a high-profile commercial-nightlife district must accept the risk of noise late into the night.
Look, nowhere is perfect, but we all make personal choices that we have to live by. I choose to be a writer and work from my apartment. When I open my window, there’s noise: there are people chatting, cars driving, and many, many dogs barking —  some of which belong to the people who complained at the meeting. It can be annoying and distracting to my work, but it’s a consequence of my choice to work from home. I accept this. I’m not going to complain to the Planning Commission because I can’t deal with my own self-made problems.
I’m sure many of the speakers at the meeting are perfectly nice people who I’d get along with in other aspects of life, but in this scenario, I have a hard time taking their complaints seriously. There’s just a total lack of logic going on (an accusation I’m sure they’re leveling at me as they read this). I will say that to Altschul’s credit, he did enter a motion to allow The Standard to stay open until 1 AM on Fridays and Saturdays only, and while it’s not ideal, it’s something. It gives me hope that there is room for reason. I wouldn’t say that I’m now a community activist, but I may recruit a few people to join me and counter the vocal minority next time the local nightlife faces similar persecution. At the very least, it’ll be fun to observe the idiocy anew.
What do you think about this issue?