B-Side Blog

I’m proud to report that The Real Housewives of New Jersey is starting to heat up a little. The first two episodes had been entertaining, but coming off the heels of a tumultuous RHONYC season, not to mention a spectacular two hour reunion imbroglio, it was hard to truly embrace these Jersey divas. Now, though, we’re three shows deeps, and we’re starting to get a sense of the characters. Caroline has emerged as my hands-down favorite housewife, with her sister Dina not far behind. Jacqueline is alright — a bit flaccid — but enjoyable for all the muck she somehow stirs up while simultaneously abdicating herself from any responsibility, and Teresa is sweet but horrendously tacky, offering up something a bit more appalling each week. Then we have Danielle, our resident lightning rod of controversy. She’s absolutely crazy in the most fantastic way. Not only does her face look like it’s being sucked into a vacuum tube, but she’s prone to histrionic caucuses of her friends to discuss generally inane things. Case in point: when she dramatically arrived at Jacqueline’s house to discuss an impending breakup with her twenty-six year old boy toy. Never mind that she TOTALLY RUINED THE PLAYDATE (that bitch!), but she clearly only wanted to relish in her own drama, much to the dismay of Jacqueline and Teresa. When the two women offered any advice, Danielle brushed it off with an angry and sarcastic “Thank you! Thank you!” It didn’t really make much sense, but I loved the awfulness of it nonetheless.

Continue reading “HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Tension Is Mounting…”

Last night we had our second dose of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and while they’re not as gabby as their New York counterparts or as catty as the Orange County bitches, they’re well on their way to being outlandish in a certain mafia-fabulous sort of way. At the forefront of that is Teresa, who continues to relish in marble infused gaudiness. Not only is her dream house decked out like the second coming of Leonard’s, but everything she does oozes with nouveau riche excess. Take, for instance, the horrifying trip she took with her daughters to Jersey’s premiere couture outlet, Bella Bambini. Those girls made Johan and François look like precious angels in comparison. And even worse, Teresa makes them all match. And no, not just the kids. The entire family must dress the same. It’s a bit much.
Then we have Danielle, who at times seems surprisingly reasonable and at other, more frequent times comes off like a total crazy. Her life aspirations are simple: she wants someone to take care of her. Yes, she could conceivably get off her ass and find a job, but that’s no fun. So instead this week we saw her courting an alleged twenty-six year old man, and by “courting,” I mean soliciting sex in the bathroom. When the two weren’t doing it in every nook and cranny on the Jersey Shore, Danielle was busy fishing for compliments about her appearance and/or bickering with her ex over her delayed divorce settlement. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t make much headway on the latter front, but if it’s any consolation, she got to patch things up with Dina over their mysterious blow-out from weeks prior. Well, maybe “patch,” isn’t the right word. More like she tenuously applied an old Band-Aid to the wound, knowing full well that in about two minutes time, the tentative peace would completely unstick itself and fall by the wayside.

Continue reading “HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Party Time In Jersey!”