Inspired by my recent trip to NYC, I’ve decided to come up with the ten most awful things that happen at an airport baggage claim (short of actually losing luggage). I’m sure there are more annoyances than this list can handle, but at least this is a good starting point.
10. Carousel starts then stops.
Ain’t this the worst. We’ve all been there. You’ve been standing by the carousel for twenty minutes, waiting for the bags to drop so you can just get out of the airport and resume normal life, but no matter how hard you will it, there’s no sign of luggage. Then suddenly, like a beacon of hope on a dark, stormy night, the harsh buzzer of an alarm sounds, and your fears of a never-ending wait turn to careful, guarded optimism. At last, some forward progress in this tedious experience. It all seems so promising, so wonderful. An impending reunion between you and your bag dances through your head. Maybe your luggage will even be first, thus making you the unspoken winner of the baggage claim race. The engines rev up, the carousel starts to move, and then for five minutes… nothing. Then, with nary a buzzer or flashing light, the carousel quietly and unceremoniously stops. It’s over. The hope, the promise, the future — it’s all gone. Everyone rolls their eyes, but what they really want to do is kick the damn carousel and yell, “WELL FUCK YOU TOO!” What’s even worse is if three or four bags actually make it out before the whole thing powers down. It’s even more painful because for whatever reason, no one even claims them! Which leads to the next annoying experience…
9. Unclaimed first round bags.
We all know about the first round bags. They’re the ones that emerge first and make that initial, high profile lap around the carousel. In a perfect world, your baggage in is the first round. Not only does it mean you’re out of there quickly, but then you also get the added benefit of knowing everyone around you is thinking, “Man, he’s lucky.” Oh, and if you’re the very first bag out, well, that’s like hitting the lottery. Better yet, it’s like finding the first parking spot at the mall on Black Friday. I don’t think I’ve ever been numero uno, but I’ve been top five before, and that alone gave me an adrenaline rush that lasted for five minutes. It’s an honor and joy to get that prime spot at the front of the pack, which is why people who don’t pluck their bags up from the first round are awful. There’s no way around it. When that luggage comes out, everyone’s concentration is at peak intensity. No one’s mind has wandered. The soothing rhythm of the carousel and the white noise of the machinery hasn’t rendered you a space cadet just yet. All eyes are on the bags, which is why there’s no reason for those first round bags to ever go uncollected. When I see a first round bag come ’round the corner for a second lap, all I can think of are the faster, more efficient people who would have appreciated having their bags come out first.
Think about it. If everyone was on top of their game, there would never be a need for bags to make more than one trip around the carousel, and as we all know, the bags that go around over and over and over again are the worst because for some reason, especially if they look similar to your own luggage, you get faked out EACH TIME. So I guess people who don’t get their luggage in general are really the overarching problem here (but it’s the first rounders that are especially unforgivable).
8. Someone grabs your bag right before you get it.
You see your bag coming, you’re in position to scoop it up, you’re already plotting your path to the exit when all of a sudden, someone in front of you swoops in and picks up your bag. Of course, they then take about five minutes to inspect it and realize that it’s not theirs, at which point you are ready to hurl your laptop bag at them, hoping it will knock them out so you can just retrieve your damn luggage. Look for the details people. If your stupid rainbow band isn’t on the bag, that usually means it’s not your bag!
7. People try to elbow you out of position.
The worst part about arriving at the baggage claim early (aside from the fact that the wait then seems that much longer) is that once you stake your claim to your little corner of the carousel, you’ll soon find yourself defending your position as if the fate of the free world depended on it. It’s not so much that people try to muscle their way into your space. It’s more that they just stand next to you and then slowly inch closer and closer until finally, they are severely crossing into your personal space. What’s worse is that there’s usually plenty of room elsewhere along the belt, but some strange, primitive desire to clump together keeps passengers hoarding around you to excessive and awful degrees. Spread out, people.
6. Non-travelers in conversation around the belt.
Adding to the carousel congestion are those nonessential bodies who take up space chatting and getting in the way. These are usually family members and friends who’ve come to the airport to pick up travelers. I’m fine for socializing by the baggage claim, but once it starts to get busy, not all members of the party absolutely need to be standing directly at the carousel. The proper etiquette would be for non-flyers to step back and get out of the way (unless, of course, the traveler is an old lady or a child or something). Still, there are entirely way too many bodies cluttering up the baggage claim experience.
5. Children.
And then there are the children. First they want to ride the carousel, then they want to put their hands on the carousel, then they want to run around, and then they want to grab the bags off the carousel. It’s all fine in moderation, but again, when things get busy, parents gotta keep their kids out of the fray. I especially hate being stuck next to the 8-year-old who tries to tug his parents huge suitcase off belt. Mom and Dad think it’s adorable, but meanwhile, it’s created a logjam on the carousel as the half-on, half-off suitcase sticks out into baggage traffic like a cement divider on the highway. It’s awful. And it brings us to…
4. People who are bad at picking up bags.
Oh the sad plight of having butterfingers at the baggage claim. I can’t stand the people who wait until the last second to grab their baggage handle, ensuring that if they don’t get it just right, it’ll slip out of their hands and create further chaos. This happens in one of two ways. Either they bother the people around them to help them with their bags (which isn’t that big of a deal, but annoying nonetheless), or they engage in a frantic and hectic chase. You know what I’m talking about. They quickly scurry out of their position, bolting down the carousel to intercept the bag again. Of course, they’re so singularly determined to get their bag this time that they don’t mind pushing and shoving their way through to get to the belt. This all could have been avoided had they put the same energy into getting their bag the first time it came around.
3. OTHER FLIGHTS
I don’t know why this happens, but I always get a certain sense of sovereignty when it comes to baggage claims. I feel like my carousel is for my flight and my flight ONLY. Therefore, when airports up the use of carousels for multiple flights, I hate it. I never approved this! It’s like walking into your one-bedroom apartment and discovering you now all of a sudden have a roommate. Not fair. Plus, the longer my flight, the more snobby I get about it. I just flew allll the way across the country for five and a half hours, and you’re going to put a little forty-five minute bullshit commuter puddle jumper flight’s baggage in myyyy carousel? I DON’T THINK SO. It’s irrational, I know, but I can’t help it. To be fair though, there are logistical concerns that are very legit. Suddenly, you have sometimes up to two or three times the number of people standing around the carousel, making the experience uncomfortable and aggravating for everyone. It’s like taking this entire list and quadrupling the awfulness of it all.
2. When the carousel changes
This harkens back to the first point. The only thing worse than a carousel starting then stopping is a carousel that starts, then stops, and then orders you to go to a whole other carousel. ARGH!!! Now, after you’ve carefully picked out your spot, defended it, and prepared for a smooth luggage experience, everything goes to pot as you find yourself battling for turf amidst a sea of passengers relocating to a new carousel, all of whom are making the same comments over and over again: “I guess we have to move,” or “Here we go again!” or “Is this right?” Adding insult to injury, the new carousel is always as far away from you as can be. Sigh…
1. When your bag is last.
The worst! The range of emotions you go through is unlike any other. Hopefulness turns into impatience, which turns into annoyance, which turns into boredom, which turns into frustration, which turns into fear, which turns into paranoia, which turns into exasperation, which turns into sadness, which turns into resignation. The plus side is that for a moment, you’re absolutely thrilled to see your bag, knowing that it isn’t lost (the absolute nadir of the luggage experience), but the happiness and relief quickly transform into total bitterness over the entire situation. “Next time,” you pledge to yourself, “I’m bringing carry on!”