Jessie Kowalski was annoying, whiney, and a glutton for attention, but she was also one of the few hopes we the viewers had left for this season of Big Brother. That’s because Jessie recognized the threat of Amanda and McCrae earlier than anyone else in the house and was perhaps the only person left with the power to do anything about it. Unfortunately, Jessie (and Candace before her) didn’t have the social game to pull off a big move the past few weeks, and now we’re looking a household with Amanda and McCrae happily calling all the shots without any meaningful opposition in sight. Sure, Helen tried to get them on the block, but stupidly she put her faith in Andy, who has been blindly sailing along with McCranda (even though neither of them will ever take him to the the final two). I still don’t know why Helen was reluctant to make a power move a week and a half ago when Amanda was on the block — her only excuse then was that keeping the larger target of Amanda in the house was beneficial to her, but even that I don’t fully buy.

Nevertheless, Helen has incurred the wrath of 3 AM, and with Aaryn back in control, I can’t imagine things shaking out very well for her. She simply does not have the numbers to save herself this week should she be nominated or backdoored. We’ve seen crazier things happen, but I think Helen’s luck is about to run out. Of course, there’s this whole returning juror twist that Julie has promised us, and that could lead to some excitement, but even then I think Amanda and McCrae will have a cakewalk to the end. I’m just shocked that it’s taken Helen so long to realize Andy wasn’t on her side. I guess we’ll see what happens.

Photocap after the jump…

“Good evening. I’m Julie Chen, and I’m about to fire my stylist.”

“Guys, I just want to say that this fluffy blanket thing is doing a GREAT job. We all owe our games to it. Without it, this house would fall apart. It’s basically the next Dr. Will.”

Helen: “Jessie, I’m not going to apologize to you. If I’m going to apologize to anyone, it’s this pool table, which has been doing an AMAZING job staying level and being played on. It’s the next Janelle.”

“It’s hard work being the hottest girl in the house!”

“Helen, last week you were on board to backdoor Amanda.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“You told me, ‘Hey Jessie, let’s get rid of Amanda.'”
“Doesn’t sound familiar.”
“We were sitting in the bathroom area!”
“I’ve never been in the bathroom.”
“Where do you pee?”
“I don’t pee.”
“I’ve seen you pee.”
“I don’t recall peeing.”
“You do it everyday.”
“I have no recollection.”
“You always pee before going to sleep.”
“I’m sorry, but I simply don’t remember going to sleep.”
“Now you’re being crazy, Helen.”
“I don’t even know what sleep is.”
“Helen, you are the worst liar.”
“I swear on this chessboard that I’ve never slept or peed in my life.”
“Helen, I don’t care if you swear on a chessboard.”
“Who said I swore on a chessboard?”
“You JUST said that.”
“Okay, Jessie, I’ve never even seen a chessboard in my life.”
“You’re sitting next to one.”
“I don’t recall that.”

“Hey, is it true you’re mad at me?”

“Andy, I asked Santa three years in a row for a Furby, and I never got one. You said you would help, but obviously you were lying.”

“How could I possibly help with that?”

“Please don’t act like you’re not an elf from the North Pole.”

“I am NOT an elf!!! [please don’t turn red, please don’t turn red]”

“And so I says to myself, ‘Self, get out of this gutter, walk back into that Cinnabons, and give Anthony the best blowjob of his life.’ And that’s what I did, I tell ya!”

“Could you stop talking? You sound like a Chinese woman at a rice sale.”

“I don’t know what rice is, but I know I don’t like it! Take it back, Aaryn!”

“I just hope that someday I can show my boobs to Nick, preferably someplace real romantic — like a Pizza Hut.”

“I really want to look 45 tonight; so I’ve put on this whore makeup and am keeping my fingers crossed!”

“Julie, I just want to say that you’re doing a fantastic job as hostess. Honestly, you’re making big moves, and it’s clear you’re going to win. Honestly, you are an inspiration Julie. You’re the next Julie Chen.”

Elissa: “No OFFENSE, but I SADLY would never hug anyone wearing floral patterns, THANKKKKS FOR ASKING NO OFFENSE!”

A cloud of sadness descends on Helen as she suddenly realizes she’s been caught on national television wearing a dress that could only be perceived as fashionable on Staten Island.

“Hey Nick! NICK!! I found some clown glasses and a big shirt in the DUMPSTAH. Don’t they make me look smart? Now you can take me to your Park Avenue polo horse games and such and the like and so on!”

Song: No need to look at the clock / this competition saved someone from the block!
Amanda: “Wait, I don’t get it.”
Song: It’s not HOH or Have or Have Not / You really don’t have to think a lot!
Amanda: “I don’t know it. Aaryn, do you know it? Why aren’t you throwing it for me? Wait, can you sing it again?”
Song: It’s really very simple, even for my cousin Vito / the name of this competition rhymes with ‘shmeeto’.
Amanda: “I mean, how are we supposed to answer if they don’t even given us clues that are helpful?”

What do you think about Aaryn’s win? Did you enjoy Jessie’s blaze of glory?

Also, check out this week’s The TV Clique: Big Brother here:

20 replies on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Is There Any Hope Left?”

    1. The photos and captions are really funny – the videos/rant/chat is really not funny – in the least. Some try to milk more than there 15 minutes. Stick to silence and just the photos and captions………..

      1. Cynthia, you should have stuck with school. It’s their not “there”. Insulting others when you are clearly lacking just shows your own ignorance. How about next time you just stick to not replying.

  1. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I was laughing out loud like a Big Brother loon… reading her favorite Big Brother cartoon.

    Everything was crisp and clean and as silly as could be.

    But you’ve also captured the essence of everyone.

    It’s just so very, cleverly well done!

    Thanks for the laughs. You made my day!
    Cindy Rutolo Dietrich

  2. Dude, you are too funny! I love reading your takes…I was laughing so hard that my wife had to take a look now we can’t wait for your next post…. Please keep it coming!!!

  3. The final frame was priceless. Aaryn’s inability to competently throw an HoH competition is equaled only by Howard’s incompetence at throwing a have not comp. I mean, she just couldn’t figure out that all she needed to do was give the WRONG answer first, despite the fact that she’d just watched McCrae do it!

  4. The photos and captions are really funny – the videos/rant/chat is really not funny – in the least. Some try to milk more than there 15 minutes. Stick to silence and just the photos and captions………..

  5. Re: the “I really want to look 45 tonight; so I’ve put on this whore makeup and am keeping my fingers crossed!” photo. I would pay SO much to be able to watch Aaryn’s reaction to seeing this picture of herself. SO very much.

  6. TV Clique Podcasts and your Photocaps + The Highlight of My week! I’m a huge BB fan and enjoy this site more than the actual show this season. I find myself watching the episodes, primarily so I will know what youse are referring to in your Photocaps. Thanks for the great entertainment!!!!

  7. I completely disagree with the comment about Julie’s hair stylist. I thought her hair actually looked good straightened like that.

    1. They said ‘stylist’ not just ‘hair stylist’. Yes, Julie’s hair looked great, but the rest of her lacked a good stylist.

  8. Lol! Thanks for the laughs. I wondered what the hell was up with Aaryn’s makeup that night! I thought maybe she let Spencer apply it!

  9. I am not a Helen fan, but if Aaryn won 4 HOHs and 1 Veto so far, and Janelle has won the most competitions, how is it not a fair comparison? Janelle may not be racist, but she’s just as big a bitch as Aaryn and they’re both blond. I am generally anti-Janelle, and anti-Aaryn, but Helen’s comparion is apt and fair.

  10. On a season rife with racism, why did Julie choose to dress up like Pocahontas?

    I’m thinking a beloved niece made that dress in 7th grade Home Ec (is Home Ec even still a thing in schools these days?) and Julie wore it as a special favor.

    Re: Jessie. I love when softy, timid-seeming chicks turn out to have girl-balls.

  11. No kidding about GM. Poor Nick’s going to have go into the Witness Protection Program. Nick this, Nick that. I keep wondering if its all an act. Sadly it has to be the real her. No acting at all except for acting badly.

  12. No photocap on the PoV competition? I thought everybody folding until Spencer ruined the plan was good material for a photocap 🙂

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