Hot in Cleveland just got a lot colder with the arrival of Heather Dubrow on this week’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. Yes, the former sitcom star (or perhaps appear-er) made her triumphant return to THE STAGE with a guest role on the TV Land sitcom seemingly tailored for her. Heather played some lady who was hellbent on landing a gig on The Real Housewives of Tampa, which of course is fictional — and yet I’d watch it.
Nevertheless, the whole gang headed up to LA for the second week in a row. This is like when black bears invade suburbia and everyone panics. I truly fear an infestation. Maybe we should erect a fence on the Orange Couny line. Sounds cruel, but you know 75% of the county voted to barricade Mexico; so they should be fine with it.
Anyway, Heather did just fine in her guest gig, and in the end, all was well with her and Terry (not to mention Vicki and Tamra, who seemed to lightly bury the hatch). In other news, Lauri Waring Peterson emerged from her money crypt to tell Tamra that she didn’t like Vicki anymore. Slade, meanwhile, surprised Gretchen with a very special birthday present: a new Rolls-Royce! And wait, there was a second surprise: Gretchen would have to pay for it! Oh, and a third surprise: it’s only a lease! Gentleman of the year!
“I swear to God, if I see Betty White eating just the smallest onion ring, I will walk off the set.”
“Yeah, things have been great for me. My son is sober, my daughter is taking selfies, and I’m still in a relationship with the love of my life: MONEY.”
“Hey Lydia, don’t harsh my buzz, man! I’m just a hippie! You know, the type of hippie that gets plastic surgery, buys $3,000 of designer clothes, and lives in Dana Point!”
“Hello! I’m Heather DuBrow. I’m an actress, a singer, a tutor, a mother, a tutor, a tutor, and a tutor.”
“Wow! This acting thing sounds as easy as jumping on a trampoline! Although, for the record, I don’t know how to jump on a trampoline.”
“Hey kids, who wants to have onion rings for dinner? I’M THE COOL DAD!”
“I’m furious at everything: Terry, onion rings, Betty White, and this HIDEOUS VASE ON MY KITCHEN ISLAND.”
Slade: “I’m the host of a one hour radio show that airs in the 117th largest radio market in the country. Kind of a big deal.”
“A Rolls-Royce? If I trade that in, think of all the rooster tapestries I could get at TJ Maxx!”
“Slade, this is amazing! I can’t wait to decorate the inside with fluted candlesticks and antique globes!”
Slade: “Enjoy it now because I’m taking it back to the dealer tomorrow.”
Eddie: “I miss my bike seat.”
“Remember that time I made love to my bike seat for eight hours? I loved that leathery, broken-in sensation wrapped around my manhood. Oh wait. That was Tamra.”
“So this is how the Olsen twins did it. Now I just have to clone myself, and I’ll be a millionaire!”
“Okay, Alexis, we’re going to do a scene. Are you ready?”
“Yes: Reporting live from an acting class, this is Alexis Bellino for Fox San Diego.”
“No, we’re not doing a news piece.”
“Got it. Reporting live from an acting class, this is Alexis Bellino, and that was the weather report.”
“No. We’re acting. We’re not doing weather or headlines or sports.”
“Great. Understood.”
“Shall we start?”
“Yes. Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I am coming to you live from General Hospital. There’s been a fire, but everyone is safe.”
“I can’t work likes this.”
“And this just in: one of the firemen has quit, which means all the babies will die inside. For Fox San Diego, I’m Alexis Bellino.”
Director: “Aaaand ACTION!”
Guy: “I can change your oil if you want.”
Alexis: “Ummm… I’m confused.”
Director: “Just say your line.”
Alexis: “But he wants to change my oil.”
Director: “And you say ‘Really?'”
Alexis: “But I just changed my oil.”
Director: “You’re in a scene.”
Alexis: “Ohhhh okay. So should we tell the gas attendant to leave?”
Director: “He’s an actor.”
“Then why does he want to change my oil?”
Director: “It’s his line.”
“Oh. Got it.”
Director: “Top of the scene.”
Guy: “I can change your oil if you want.”
Alexis: “Seriously, please stop offering to change my oil. I’m trying to do a scene here.”
Vicki: “Sorry I’m late. I wanted to make sure I was covered with Valerie Bertinelli Insurance.”
“Oh look! Someone brought me a pristine cake bow!”
Lydia: “Wow. This is the most realistic 3-D movie I’ve ever seen.”
Gretchen: “Okay, if you can’t pay for the Rolls-Royce, show me what you can pay for.”
Slade: “Here. It’s a tricycle with a Toyota Yaris sticker on it.”
Vicki: “YOU DON’T HAVE APPETIZER INSURANCE!”
What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on the Rolls-Royce? Thoughts on Lauri? And what about Heather’s acting?
While I did enjoy the photocap I’m still wondering if there is something wrong with me since I roll my socks and don’t fold them.
So I just realized that Laurie looks like Rocky from Mask. Why would you intentionally do that to your face? Simply frightening.
Lydia’s mom and Lynne Curtin could share a bowl.
hb
I just ate up that pic of Heather looking rather bland sans makeup in her kitchen with a big spoon. She’s got some serious contouring going on when she spackles up for the show. And I don’t mean Hot in Cleveland…I mean her confessionals. She’s definitely more chipmunk than hamster without hair and makeup. I’m going to hell.
and Sicky needs to stop wearing double-knit tops. She should have had a boobie lift when they scalpeled up the rest of her. Not a good look, clingy fabric on sinking bazooms. I’m going to the basement of hell now.