REAL HOUSEWIVES OF OC PHOTOCAP: New Faces (and New Cast Members Too!)

Well, it’s springtime, which means one thing: allergies. And who better to personify itchy eyes and stuffy noses than The Real Housewives of Orange County. Yes, our favorite trashy blondes are back, and this time we have a new face: Vicki’s! The grand doyenne of housewifes has plumped up her chin, adjusted her eyes, and generally moved her face into a vaguely Joan-van-Ark territory (with a dash of Mickey Rourke). To Vicki’s credit though, she’s been totally upfront and proud of her surgery; so I really can’t ding her too much… even if she does leave me with horrific nightmares.

As for other new faces, we met also Lydia McLaughlin — an airy, seemingly sweet and goofy Christian girl with a handsome husband and a voice that would grate Jennifer Tilly. The jury’s still out on whether or not she’s awful, but so far, Lydia appears to be generally harmless. I mean all we really know about her is that she likes boats, lemon drops, and Jesus. And she seems to have the motor skills of one of those dashboard hula dancers. Nevertheless, I’m sure she’ll turn into a monster (just look at Heather, who has blossomed into an insufferable shrew in her second season).

After the jump, check out the photocap…

“Briana, put that down! You don’t have onesie insurance!”

“Big news: I got a mom haircut and donated my hair to charity. And by charity, I mean Skyzone. We have hairy trampolines.”

“I can’t wait to nag these implants about things.”

“This is really great inspiration for my new enterprise: Gretchen Christine Babé.”

“I don’t understand this. Did you NOT purchase insurance for that water bottle?”

“I have things to say about things.”

“Did you not see my beautiful mansion? Is it not worthy of being on your cover? I mean, if it’s good enough for COLETTE, it sure as hell is good enough for YOU.”

“I like muffins!”

“Are you even listening to me? I am Heather DuBrow, née HEATHER PAIGE KENT.”

“Horses say neigh!”

“I demand a cover.”

“I also like onion rings.”

“Get. Out. Of. My. House.”

“So I said to the doctor: fine, use Plaster of Paris. I don’t care. Just make my chin bigger! I’M UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!!!”

“So I met this girl today. And she was mean. Let’s get in a boat!!!”

“Let’s talk about things.”
“Okay.”
“Aren’t boats great?”
“They are.”
“Wow. Great conversation.”

“This ice cream cone tastes burny.”

Vicki: “I don’t want to be an alarmist, but I’m afraid that candle is going to melt my face.”

“So. How’s Brooks?”

“He’s fine. I mean, I don’t know. I’m under construction.”

“Just so you know, your new face doesn’t make you hot. I’m the HOT Housewife.”

“Temperature-wise? Do you have a fever?”

“No. I’m HOT. I’m like the HOT one. It’s because I work out at CUT Fitness, and as we all know, that stands for Clitoris United Together. Wait, no. That’s not it.”

“If my face could move, I would be yelling at you.”

“Welcome to CUT Fitness. Orange County’s newest soon-to-fail business!”

“Jim, why do these tennis balls have twigs on them?”
“Because I just plucked them from the tree.”
“We have a tennis ball tree?”

“Oh shoot. I forgot to sign up for goblet insurance.”

“Well, my face froze again.”

What did you think about this episode?