Revenge hasn’t been new in two weeks, but that doesn’t mean I still can’t find ways to write about the show. Naturally, I decided to do the next logical thing: imagine Victoria Grayson discussing ten of her favorite offerings from such establishments as Applebees, Chili’s, Outback, and the like.

After the jump, check out ten casual dining dishes, as presented by Victoria Grayson…

10. The Chili’s Triple Dipper™

“Please help yourself to any three Chili’s favorites. I’m partial to the Chicken Crispers®, Big Mouth® Bites, and, naturally, Loaded Potato Skins. Of course, that leaves no room for the Wings Over Buffalo®, but you already knew that, didn’t you? Ashley, get me my car. We’re LEAVING.”

9. Outback’s Walkabout Soup® of the Day

“Soup. Wonderful. The perfect dish to remind you of clambakes with the poors. Available in cup or a bowl.”

8. Applebee’s Potato Twisters

“Know this, Applebees Potato Twisters: every time I pop you in my mouth or nibble at your edges, let that bite be a reminder of just how much I wish to crush you. And know that your namesake refers not to your twisted shape but the motion of my hand as it grabs your heart and pulls it from your starchy body. Served with queso blanco and pico de gallo.”

7. Perkins’ Ooh La La French Toast

“Be sure to order the Ooh La La French Toast. And try not to think of your children who used to love the French toast you made for them every morning until your husband turned them against you. Sugar free syrup available upon request.”

6. Red Lobster’s Parrot Isle Jumbo Coconut Shrimp

“Fried shrimp? Piña colada sauce? Well… I’m shocked that Eric Ripert doesn’t have this on the menu at Le Bernadin. Needless to say, it’s nice to see there’s a food option for those who believe Parrot Isle is a real place. Add five more for just $4.50!”

5. Denny’s Moon Over My Hammy

“This is VILE.”

4. Friendlys’ Fishamajig®

“As we all know, the Fishamajig® is practically synonymous with the Grayson family name. My fondness knows no bounds. Ashley, THERE BETTER BE A FISHAMAJIG IN MY HANDS IN FIVE MINUTES, OR YOU’RE FIRED!”

3. Applebee’s Steak Quesadilla Towers

“This steak quesadilla tower has cheap shoes and limited social graces. It also comes with a spicy chipotle lime salsa. Enjoy.”

2. IHOP’s Super Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity®

“Understand this, Super Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘N Fruity®: the only thing you’ve ever honored is your ego… and the option of a strawberry topping or a cinnamon apple compote.”

1. Outback’s Bloomin’ Onion®

“Ah yes. The Bloomin’ Onion. The QUEEN of the appetizers. We are one and the same: powerful, revered, legendary. But tread lightly. While our allure may be intoxicating, we both will DESTROY YOU. WE WILL RUIN YOU. WE WILL CLOG YOUR ARTERIES AND SQUEEZE THE LIFE FROM YOUR VERY OWN HEART. Be sure to try the spicy signature bloom sauce.”

What are your favorite casual food dishes?

5 replies on “10 Casual Dining Dishes, As Presented By Victoria Grayson”

  1. Moon over my hammy did you make that up?
    You are doing a public service showing this food. Cheap shoes and bad social graces, funny.

  2. please! More Victoria Grayson presents ___________ fill in the blank with anything, especially if you could work in her take on the housewives!!

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