Revenge returns with a new episode tonight, and in honor of this momentous occasion, I’ve decided to compile a list of Victoria Grayson takedowns I’d like to see. As portrayed by the inimitable Madeleine Stowe, Victoria is the master of the seething, icy put-down, and there’s no better example than the video above, which shows her uttering her famous line: “Understand something, Lydia: every time I smile at you across the room or we run into each other at a luncheon or I welcome you into my home, let that smile be a reminder of just how much I despise you. And that every time I hug you, the warmth you feel is my hatred burning through.”

It’s a terrific, scathing scene, and I want to see more like it. After the jump, ten suggestions of other things Victoria can dismantle with her cold, unforgiving tongue.

10. Santa Claus

“Understand this, Santa Claus: every time you descend down a chimney, know that the brick walls around you are my arms squeezing your neck. And the fire you land on is my rage, burning from within.”

9. A Puppy

“Never forget this, puppy: every time I throw a stick at you to fetch or play with or chew on, let that stick be a reminder of just how much I hate puppies. And the winds you feel when you put your head out a car window are the swirling gales of my loathing.”

8. A turnip

“Hear this, turnip: every time I pull you from the earth, know that I am pulling your soul from your body. And when I roast you in the oven, let the flames of my indignation scorch your flesh and blister your skin. Goodbye, turnip.”

7. A Sweet Old Lady Playing Wii

“Understand this, Agatha: if ever you should feel the joy of love again, let that love remind you of the score you will have when you face me in Wii Tennis. And even if you think you can muster a score beyond love, know that I will DESTROY you on the court, and you will be left with nothing but memories of your whorish youth.”

6. Ancient city of Petra

“Be sure to remember this, Petra: for every archeologist who digs up artifacts and keepsakes in your environs, imagine me — with garden trowel in hand — digging your heart out and tossing it in the Dead Sea.”

5. Wall-E


4. Winston Churchill

“Know this, Mr. Churchill. For every bow tie you wrap around your neck, let that tie represent my hatred for you, slowly tightening around you until you can breathe no more. And in that last breath, know that you will see me, and I will be eating German food. HAPPILY.”

3. An oversized lollipop

“Please take note of this, lollipop: every time I lick you or put you in my mouth, know that you are being lashed by my tongue of wrath. And as you disintegrate in my lips, remember that it is my venom that has destroyed you.”

2. Scottie Pippen

“Mr. Pippen, do hear me when I say that for every ball you pass or dribble or dunk, let that ball be a reminder of just how much better Michael Jordan is. And when you realize that you will always be inferior to that man, think of me… behind you… laughing.”

1. A baby hedgehog with a flower on its head

“Understand this, hedgehog: for every quill you raise on your back, let those quills represent daggers of hatred that shoot from my eyes and into yours, over and over again until the only thing that remains is a quivering paw — one that shall remind people of the vile beast you truly are.”

7 replies on “10 Victoria Grayson Takedowns We’d Like To See”

  1. My fave is #9 ….never forget puppy…….funny

    I’m sooooo glad Revenge is returning tonight enough with this end of the year yucky TV programming

  2. Ahhhhh!!! Damn mobile version that makes the posts read backwards!

    Anyways…. Awesome.

  3. beautiful! So hard to choose a fave, the turnip’s soul, the poor vile hedgehog, Scottie Pippen, Agatha (I love agatha!). Thanks for the laugh!

Comments are closed.