Bravo aired the second part of its Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special last night, and it was more or less the same stuff we saw last week: ceaseless Teresa bashing with an occasional moment of levity (ie. Caroline scratching her ass, which was actually just more Teresa bashing). Don’t get me wrong: I LOVED it. Teresa Giudice is a delusional woman whose defensiveness and thickheaded perceptions are so stultifying that these confrontations feel nothing short of cathartic. Here is a woman who cannot take responsibility for any of her or her husband’s actions, even when faced directly with her own contradictions and poor choices. Simultaneously, Teresa will take any opportunity to cast herself in a heroic light, such as when she turned Victoria Wakile’s brain tumor into an example of her own ability to grow as a person and not sweat the small stuff. Bravo (pun intended) to Andy for immediately rattling off a list of petty Teresa moments, including — of course — Spinklegate. But Teresa still managed to justify her actions by saying she had been driven to a point of frustration by her sister-in-law. Hence the cookie drama.
Ah, but how does one get driven to the point of chucking sprinkle cookies when one allegedly doesn’t sweat the small stuff? Yet another mystery that perhaps only Teresa can answer for us.
Andy Cohen was rather tough on Teresa, and I commend him for it. He called her out for improperly using the word “distant” as a verb, and he took her to task for her husband using the word “faggot” repeatedly. Teresa, of course, stonewalled (pun intended!) him, saying that she had lots and LOTS of gay friends, and they love the gays blah blah blah. Andy wasn’t convinced. No one was, really. Indeed, Teresa brushed it all off the way everyone pretty much expected to. Instead of apologizing for being offensive, she merely said she would talk to her husband about it. More shocking, however, was her lack of denial at Melissa’s suggestions that Joe also freely uses another bad word. We can’t be certain what word Melissa was referencing, but I couldn’t help thinking it started with the letter n. And that leads me to call Joe the p-word. As in, “putz.”
During this hour, we also spent some time learning vaguely about Caroline’s rift with sister Dina. I’m still not sure what happened, but it sounds as if Teresa got into Dina’s ear and convinced her that Caroline wasn’t supportive of her career. I can’t imagine that such gripes would lead to a major family rift, but apparently, the sisters are no longer talking to each other, which is rather sad. Teresa did manage to make Caroline look like a slight fool when she alleged that Caroline, who is all about family, wasn’t talking with half her siblings. Caroline shot back that this was a lie and that she is in fact on speaking terms with EIGHT out of the TEN siblings, thank you very much. Call me crazy, but I don’t think an 80% track record is something to brag about.
Meanwhile, in other news, with Jacquline not present at the reunion, I was a little afraid we wouldn’t get to bash Ashley (or Ashlee). But fear not: Andy still asked away about the troublemaker / aspiring model / swallow enthusiast, and all the women seemed to agree that she was a disaster. Even Caroline bashed the little brat, which was quite satisfying for me. Kathy, meanwhile, had the most charming and unintentionally passive-aggressive response as she talked about feeling bad that every scene with Ashley would be juxtaposed with footage of Kathy with her perfect family. It’s funny because it’s true.
Anyway, there was other stuff, but it all focused on Teresa being awful. The sad thing is that she probably watched the episode last night and thought she came off great. Awful. I’m riled up. Time for the photocap.
“Dolphin Tale 3D was a beautiful film, AND YOU KNOW IT!”
“Is it me, or is Teresa, like, the biggest idiot we’ve ever had on this show?”
“I think it might be time to distant myself from these women.”
“Wow, Caroline. That is some ring. It’s gonna leave quite a mark when you inevitably punch Teresa in the face.”
Caroline: “This is a very emotional moment for me.”
Andy: “Hold on a sec… I know I left Kelly Ripa’s coffee mug back here somewhere.”
Kathy: “I love family.”
Teresa: “Yeah, well, I love it too. Why you gotta make a whole thing about it, KATH?”
“I’m just sayin…”
“Yeah, sayin what? I can say too. You’re not the only one who knows how to say words.”
“I didn’t say that you couldn’t say words.”
“Whatever, KATH. I’m over you. Totally not unducated.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“Whatever, KATH. You got raccoon eyes.”
“Huh?”
“I didn’t say nothing.”
Melissa: “Let’s be honest. We all know Joe Giudice’s dick is this big.”
“Hey mom, let me just cover up some of the FOAM on your lips.”
FACE by Lauren Manzo.
“It’s so wonderful that my daughter Victoria turned out so well. Although, the other day she left an empty carton of milk in the fridge. That was a real mess-up, or as we call that in our household ‘A Major Ashley.'”
“I like this Kathy. She knows how to raise her kids right. I can’t believe I was ever mean to her. Gosh, I really Ashley’d that.”
“You know, I don’t know why everyone’s getting mad that Joe uses the F-word. We have lots of gay friendses. They love us. That makes it not offensive.”
“Yeah, it’s still offensive.”
“Joe, he’s not unducated. He don’t know.”
“Yyyyeah, but he got flack for this two years ago; so in a way, he is educated about the matter.”
“I don’t know. I don’t really sweat the small stuff, Andy.”
“I don’t think this qualifies as small stuff.”
“And you DO! YOU DO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!”
“Yeah, well, of course I’m gonna get mad if you buy the same glass cleaner as me. Why does everyone have to copy me?”
“IT’S WINDEX. EVERYONE USES IT.”
“Yeah. Everyone uses it once they sees me using it.”
“She’s an idiot. There’s no filling in that cannoli head of hers.”
Melissa: “Seriously. You are an idiot. Look at the dumb expression on your face.”
FACE by Lauren Manzo.
“So, Teresa, do you maybe want to apologize for your husband’s behavior?”
“I’m trying to think — what did he do wrong again?”
“He casually made multiple homosexual slurs.”
“Oh, that’s just the way he jokes. That’s just his style.”
“I’m starting to realize It’s reeeeally hard to appreciate Teresa’s idiocy unless you’re right up here next to her.”
What did you think about the reunion? Will Teresa every change her ways?
Yeah, she really is in idiot. Watching her scramble to find a response every time was sad. Its like her brain is a hamster wheel. I kindof wanted to see Andy keep going with her on just about everything, even if it took twenty times.
I ended up falling asleep halfway through the episode, so I’ll have to catch it one of the 497 times Bravo reruns it. When the season finale ended and they showed the coming attractions for the first part of the reunion, I was really looking forward to watching everyone lay into Teresa. After watching an episode and a half of the reunion though, it just ended up frustrating me. There really wasn’t any joy in watching a woman get called out on her bullshit when she was so damn oblivious about doing anything wrong in the first place. It left me wondering if she actually is too stupid to live or if she’s some kind of idiot savant in the art of deflection.
Oh man, “idiot savant in the art of deflection” had me chuckling for a long time. that’s just gold right there.
The reunions never give up any answers just the same bs regurgitated!
You know the saying about fighting with an idiot. What kind of education does T have? Being that slow witted makes me sad. And she’s going to be eaten alive on Celebrity Apprentice.
Kathy won me over and still a Caroline fan but can see how her advice would get old, but they all seem to ask for it or crave her acceptance.
great recap!
I could never warm up to Teresa but I like her a lot more after seeing her getting bashed non stop during the reunion shows. I don’ like the gang ups. Also, Teresa is not responsible for what her husband says. It’s obvious that Joe doesn’t listen to anyone, especially Teresa, so attempting to make Teresa take the blame for Joe’s abusive language is ridiculous. Of course Andy would never stand up to Joe due to the fact that he’d probably get drop kicked, so I suppose bashing his wife was the next best thing. The reunion shows make me wonder why I bother watching these lunatics.
Unfortunately, I think Joe’s other horrifying word is “retard.” (Sorry). He used it in that text war. I think I’ve heard someone else on the show use it before as well. Disgusting.
SHIT. SHOW
period.
When you come from a large family (and I do), sometimes speaking to 80% of your siblings is a great accomplishment.
I have to agree with that there.
I thought Andy took the low road in dealing with Teresa. Rather than mocking her for her misuse of “distant,” he should have pressed for real answers on the tougher issues and should not have let her evade questions.
I like Andy, but he is a terrible interviewer. He is so tied to his script that he does not follow up and moves on to the next question without getting an answer to the original question. He’s the same on WWHL, where there’s so much time and attention wasted on distractions like games, drinking games, clips of Gia modeling, that there’s no substantive discussion. Nobody is ever held accountable because he’s distracted by the next shiny object.
I totally agree with you. When he should ask follow up questions or delve deeper into something that has clearly not been put to rest, he just moves on to the next question someone tweeted at him.
The reunion was kinda painful … like watching people gang up on a special needs kid or something. Teresa clearly does not have the mental capacity to know how to act right. They all should know this by now.
I am surprised that Andy didn’t take Caroline more to task on her statement about following her gut and how she should have cut Teresa out two years ago (why the wait?).
Did we just not get into a lot of stuff because of the lawsuit? Nothing was discussed about Punta Cana.
And why no discussion of the trashy/dreamy Greg? Andy should have asked how in the hay-ull did the Manzo boys wind up with him as a roommate? Hello Bravo! Support your people!
I totally understand people being annoyed with Andy Cohen. He’s easily distractable, slightly annoying, and lighthearted at many of the wrong times. But part of me understands his predicament. He has to keep it light so no one takes it too seriously. And he can’t totally p*ss off people like Teresa … the ones who are the only ones bringing the entertainment and dramz to their respective show (although with that lawsuit, maybe they want Teresa gone). And (total non-aside), after watching Wendy Williams “moderate” the A List reunion, I will take Andy Cohen any day. She was gawd awful. Total soft ball/C League moderator. It was clear she hadn’t even watched the show.
These women are pretty much all a different type of AWFUL, but Teresa is psycho. Her claim that she was “at the Hospital everyday” with Victoria was disgusting.
Well, Joe has no problem that his wife works for/collects a paycheck from a network run by a gay man, so that must means he loves gay people right? I’m sure he was just making a joke (like get it, HA-HA?) with his repeated use of the word.
It’s like Theresa learned lessons in plural-word endings from that creature in Lord of the Rings…hobbitses.
It is my hope that the TV/cultural obsession with this New Jersey sterotype has peaked and we will hopefully see both Teresa’s and Snookie stars fade into a footnote.
There is tragedy lurking here somewhere in this downward spiral. It seemed cute, fun and entertaining in the beginning…
The unintentional humor of your typo in “Spinklegate” had me rolling!
Awesome photo cap I could feel your alcohol filled rage at the screen captions. Were you drinking a suffering bastard in honor of having to write about this crap?
Andy should have asked Theresa how would she like it if her name in his phone was ‘wop’…I can say that I’m Italian.
How about when she could not think of one mean thing she said about her sister in law? And how awful is Melissa to have them listed in her phone??
What a mess that family is….I noticed from other articles that the Gorgas and the Kath’s family are all going away to someplace warm for the holiday sans Theresa. What a surprise.