It was another twisty-turny sequence of events on last night’s penultimate episode of Big Brother 13. Coming into Thursday’s show, it seemed as though the vets were about to walk away with victory, but as Julie so often warns us: we should expect the unexpected…
The big news at the end of Wednesday’s episode as that Adam finally won HOH, which technically absolves him from the term “floater.” However, while Adam may now have finally accrued power, it’s a false power because his nominations really didn’t matter. With only one person on the block, the nominees were chosen more by the veto competition than anything else, which means that once again Adam didn’t have to make any decisions. Heck, Adam’s HOH was significant only in that it afforded him safety, which is appropriate as he’s been running to safety all game long.
Now let me digress for a moment because I feel a sudden urge to discuss this whole idea of floating vs. big moves. Here’s the thing: there is absolutely nothing wrong with floating. Sure, it doesn’t make for good TV, but it’s a perfectly viable strategy. Conversely, the whole “big moves” school of thought most often leads to brash players making enemies and eventually a one-way ticket out of the house. Unlike Rachel and Jeff, I simply cannot fault someone for gravitating towards the power and making as few waves as possible.
That being said, what I do want out of a player is someone who quietly schemes and plots all the way through. Don’t we love those bastards the most? How can we not enjoy the sneaky actions of someone who pits people against each other and then takes cover when the shit hits the fan. That’s serious, high-level Big Brother playing right there, and that’s where Adam lacks proficiency. I don’t want to say that he’s sleepwalked his way into the final three, but I don’t think he’s been particularly proactive. And even though he now has three victories under his belt, it still feel appropriate to call him a passive player because the overall trend of his game has had about as much calculation as a jellyfish. It all leads to a very important philosophical question (at least in our little niche world of Big Brother): what defines one as a floater — competitions, allegiances, or presence?
While you chew on that, let’s get back to the show. Adam nominated Rachel and Porsche to go on the block, but again, it really didn’t matter who was nominated since the only one safe was whomever had the Veto around his or her neck. In an amusing turn of events, Porsche managed to score the victory, and while this meant doom for either unlikely fan favorite Rachel or sweetheart Jordan, I was happy nonetheless because again, I always root for the underdog. And besides, who doesn’t enjoy watching the power shift back and forth?
Nevertheless, the veto outcome led to Rachel crying hysterically, which was noteworthy given that just an episode prior, she had sneered that Kalia’s post-veto whimpering was pathetic. Well, Rachel bawled her eyes out, but eventually she got herself together and campaigned hard to stay in the house. For a moment I thought she might have a chance, but surely Porsche would seize this opportunity to get her once ally, now nemesis out of the house.
But wait… Jordan had won before, and Jordan is beloved. Maybe things might not go the way I expected. For the first time in a while, I truly didn’t know which way the vote would go, and even better, everyone was wearing crappy competition clothes, which meant we didn’t have any sartorial spoilers like usual. I know I was excited (as were celebrity audience members Marissa Jaret Winokur and Mike White!).
And then Jordan opened her mouth and announced that she was going home. Wah wah. So much for suspense. Sure enough, Porsche evicted Jordan, and I came to realize that I think it’s been about two full seasons since we’ve had a blindside (that didn’t happen on live double eviction night). Whatever happened to tight votes?
Well, Jordan had a lovely exit interview, and then we were off to part one of the final HOH competition. This time around, the producers stuck the players on a giant mixer and spun them around, and of course, in proper Big Brother tradition, shot them in the face with paint cannons. It didn’t really make sense thematically, but I appreciated the visuals nonetheless.
Now we just have to wait until Wednesday. I’d like to see Rachel and Porsche in the final two, but admittedly, a Porsche-Adam showdown might be more exciting…
“Good evening, I’m Julie Chen, and yes, I know Marissa Jaret Winokur is sitting behind me; so just shut up already.”
“It’s Day 69 in the house, and what the house guests don’t realize is that I’ve made a necklace out of my favorite microchip.”
“ROOOOAARRRRRR!!!! I’M SO METAL!!!!! WHO WANTS TO SEE MY HOH ROOM WITH ALL MY RIGHTEOUS PHOTOS LIKE THE ONE OF ME—“
“–at my Bar Mitzvah. Roar?”
“I like this purple room. Purple makes me think of indigo, and that makes me think of the Indigo Girls. They were lesbians. I always used to get the word lesbians mixed up with librarians. That makes me think of books. And that makes me think of reading. And my momma always used to say I should read with more light or else I’d go blind. But I always read in the dark. You know what? I bet there was a massive blackout that stretched over Southern California and Arizona and parts of Mexico!”
“CHILLY PEOPLE GRAB YOUR MAKESHIFT SNUGGIES!!!”
“Adam, are you going to put me on the block?”
“I can’t say.”
“You better keep your word.”
“I most likely will.”
“ADAM.”
“I wouldn’t be too worried.”
“Is that a yes or a no?”
“Haha.”
“Can you take a position on anything?”
“I have to get back to you on that.”
“What do you like more: chocolate or vanilla?”
“I’ll get back to you on that.”
“Cats or dogs?”
“I… haha… haha.”
“Early bird or night owl?”
“I would have to say definitely one of those two.”
“Tits or ass?”
“I… I will get back to you on that.”
“Tori Spelling or vomit?”
“I still have a lot to think about.”
“What is there to think about? TORI SPELLING or VOMIT? Isn’t that an obvious answer?”
“I… I’ll have to get back to you. A lot to think about.”
“You are objectively the worst.”
“If Tracy friggin Turnblad thinks she can steal MY spotlight, she got another thing coming.
C: \run script MURDER.exe”
“As you all know, I am HOH this week, and I finally have to make a decisive move by nominating two of you. However, since the Veto winner truly dictates the nominees this week, I’d like to conclude by saying, ‘FLOATER FOR LIFE!!!'”
“Gosh. You’d think there’d be a pizza in at least ONE of these boxes!”
“[sniff sniff] I can’t believe I’m being such a Kalia about this. [sniff sniff]”
“Surely you understand why I’m upset. I mean, winning that Veto would have been so Vegas, and I AM VEGAS.”
“SINUS PAIN SUFFERERS GRAB YOUR KLEENEX FOR TEMPORARY RELIEF!”
“The worst part is that I just know bloggers are going to put pictures of me crying all over their websites! Like, three or four in a row. They won’t even have anything funny to say about them. It’ll just be pictures of me looking silly!”
“Porsche, I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but I used the Veto on you, and I want you to use the Veto on me. Wait, I mean, I want to use the Veto on you. No, wait, I’m so nervous. Oh boy. I want to use a boy on you. No, no. I mean, I AM a boy. I mean, a friend. I’m friends with a boy who won veto. I mean… I’m so nervous. Porsche: I DESPERATELY WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO A SCHOOL BOY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING ANYMORE.”
“Oh gosh. I just knew I’d be voted out tonight. I guess I realized it this morning when I was eating a bagel. That makes me think of Jewish people. And Jewish people are like Seinfeld. And loves sneakers. And sneakers makes me think of shoes. And shoes are like small version of boots. And that’s when I realized: I’m getting the boot!”
“HUMAN SPATULAS GRAB YOUR OVERSIZED KITCHEN-AID MIXERS!!!”
What did you think about Porsche’s choice? Did she make the right decision?
I have been reading your blog for a VERY long time (fan since tvgasm) and have your site white-listed on my adblocker because I want to support you. However, the giant ad in your header image is a sad, sad, thing.
Adam did not nominate Rachel. He nominated Porsche and Jordan.
Thank you – I thought I had lost my mind for a sec.
Porsche’s decision was a bad one bc if Rachael gets into F2, she will beat either Adam of P with the jury. Not that I’m upset about that bc I want Rachael to win! I hope that Rachael wins the final HOH, and takes Adam to the final jury vote.
What part of a Porsche-Adam final 2 would be exciting for you?!?!
RACHEL FTW!
Porsche is an idiot for taking Rachel the beast into the final 3. But Muffin Top is not known for her great decision making. Team Rachel FTW.
hb
See, for all the “floater” bad-mouthing of Adam’s game, he was *right* to not use Veto last episode to evict Jordan because he was able to throw this POV to Porsche & let her be the one who got her hands dirty. And, to be really fair, Adam wanted Kalia out more than Jordan, because Kalia would have definitely won over Adam in F2; in the worst case scenario resulting in a Jordan/Adam F2, Jordan *might* have won against Adam, but he had a better chance of getting the others to not want to give her a 2nd win than to vote for him over Kalia, so his chances were better against Jordan. Nonetheless, I believe Adam *did* want Jordan out, but he also wants Jeff & Jordan’s jury votes, which Porsche will *never* get now. It worked out perfectly for him, IMO. And really, I think Adam’s “floater” status is over-emphasized as he’s pretty much remained loyal Jeff/Jordan. Now, his loyalty certainly wasn’t as fun to watch as Shelly’s backstabbing/double-playing/manipulation, but he has played a decent social game (more evident on the live feeds than the episodes) and if he gets to F2 he can truthfully say he was as “loyal” in the game as can reasonably be expected.
Another thing I wonder about is with all the emphasis people give to Adam’s “floater” status, why doesn’t anyone criticize Porsche as well? Because she truly has been the “floater” in this game and has been a complete non-factor up until the last 3 episodes when all the big competitors (other than Rachel) were gone. Porsche ran to the vets day 1 for protection (due to a previous contact with Evil Dick through her friend Janelle), the vets handed her a Golden Key allowing her to sleep & sunbath for 4 weeks, she was BFF with Rachel when she was HOH, dumped her when Dani & Kali came to power with 3 back-to-back HOH’s & ran back to Rachel when Rachel became HOH again. Also, for all his “floater” status, Adam has been in danger of going home twice (week 3, he was the original target, not Dominic & again when he was on the block against Shelly during Dani’s 2nd HOH he was the target). Porsche has *never* been in danger/the target any of the times she was on the block — the real targets were Keith, Dani & Kalia (the surprise tie last episode wasn’t a surprise — on the feeds, Rachel, Jordan & Adam discussed it & even though all 3 wanted Kalia out, Jordan told them she felt obligated not to vote for Kalia because of their “deal” and Rachel told Jordan she had no problem breaking the “tie” to evict Kalia, so all 3 knew exactly what was going to happen & that Kalia was going home). IMO, Porsche is the true “floater” in this game, never using any kind of strategy other than cozying up to those who can “protect her.” For all of Adam’s “floater” moves, he has had strategy behind them (seen more on the live feeds when he lays out his reasoning to viewers via the backyard camera when he is alone at night); Porsche really has had NO strategy then hanging out & getting herself on tv (again, more apparent on the live feeds than the episodes themselves). Although Rachel is truly the only one who deserves even F3, I would much rather see an Adam/Rachel F2 than Porsche in there.
Rachel FTW!
Well said Heathen. I agree completely. Adam, as well as Jordan have a good understanding of the game. They know the social game is important, and don’t get too many people angry at them. I’m hoping Rachael wins though. She has had to fight to stay the whole season..
Aw, shucks, thanks Kel. I agree — social game is actually more important in BB because at least half of the comps are luck — look at Porsche’s POV win during DE — she won because Jeff threw out one of his clown shoes with the balls or the OTEV comp where lucking in to finding the right pie played a big part into who got back first/last. Don’t get me wrong — they are all still valid WINS — but luck plays a part in at least 50% of the comps compared to those which are skill or strength.
And 100% agree — I’m Rachel all the way. I never disliked her as much as others to begin with & she has totally won me over to “fan” status this season. For 10 weeks in a row this season she’s either won a comp (HOH or POV) OR been on the block. The fact that she’s still there, IMO, means she should be the hands-down, 7-0 winner.
FIX!
If Rachel doesn’t win this, then I have lost all faith in humanity.
Adam’s Jewish? And he eats all that bacon. Learn something new.
What gets me is that when he nommed Jordan and Porsche, he said he did it because they need to compete to win veto, and him and rachel have already won it so now is their chance to play. Even though all FOUR of them would compete for it no matter what.
Not all Jewish people are kosher and/or are practicing Jews. Adam obviously isn’t kosher; no idea if he actually goes to temple on a regular basis.
Adam putting up Porsche & Jordan meant nothing — F4 is all about the Veto winner, so it was an “easy” excuse as to why those 2, but they all knew it didn’t mean anything.
Adam CANNOT be from Hoboken! On second thought, he might live in the lovely homeless shelter there, or probably HOPES to one day live there when he works his way out of Paterson.
Missed BB on Thursday because of the blackout. Doesn’t sound like I missed too much anyway. I got the whole story here without having to suffer through the entire episode. Thanks.
I will be putintg this dazzling insight to good use in no time.
that Adam Jordan convo had be crying lol. But the good crying, not the freaky-scrunched-up-eighty-year-old-man-looking-frog-face Rachel kind of crying. And you’re right, floaters get a bad wrap because whatever gets you to the end and all. But I think after this season people will begin to shun the “coattail riders” which is beginning to become more of an offense than floater. Like Jordan isn’t a floater, but she coattail rides Jeff’s ass throughout the whole game, then when he goes she barely knows what to do even less than when he’s there. Though I guess Adam did the same… I don’t know.
I’d also like to say Jordan is one of the biggest disgraces of Big Brother of all time. There, crazy insane death threat people, I said it, come get some!
Also I wish the pic with Rachel holding the wine said something else. She looks so evil, like a snooty Bond villain XD
omgnoway i totally agree with you about Jordan!!!