It was all about the kids and parents on this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. For Melissa, it meant communicating with her dead father through a “median” (before plunging into an earsplitting recording session of “On Display”). For Kathy, it meant having The Talk with her daughter in advance of a high school formal. For Teresa, it meant passing along recipes from her mom to her unruly kids. For Caroline, it meant reassuring Lauren that she was beautiful inside and out. And for Jacqueline it meant… well, it meant dealing with Moonface.
The bulk of Sunday’s installment pertained to the ambitious endeavors of Ashley, who last week we learned wanted to be an artist and this week we learned wanted to be a cosmetologist. Yes, “makeup school” appears to be on the horizon for our favorite aimless brat; so I guess we can say goodbye to her stunning modeling career (not to mention her high-powered position as an intern / reluctant commuter at Lizzie Grubman’s PR agency).
The problem, however, for Ashley is that she lacks the self-discipline, ambition, and seemingly brains to make any of these pipe dreams come true. That’s why Chris and Jacqueline called in reinforcements this week with the surprise arrival of Ashley’s (very good looking, wtf?) dad and his wife. The goal was to stage a miniature intervention because sadly it takes four adults to talk sense into Ashley, and even then I’m not sure that’s enough.
It all went down at a casual restaurant where Ashley appeared late as usual. I wasn’t sure if she was expecting the conversation to be centered around her or not, but I had to feel just the slightest ounce of sympathy for her being ambushed by four parents in front of TV cameras. Not sure humiliating your kid — as awful as she may be — on national television is the best way to achieve results.
Well, things went down as they always do: the parents calmly and respectfully informed Ashley that they wanted her to get her life together. Chris gave sage yet firm advice as usual while Jacqueline offered up needling, vaguely passive-aggressive notes of encouragement. Ashely offered up a litany of excuses for her behavior — so many I can’t really even remember them — and then announced that she wanted to move to LA. Great. Just what this city needs: another vapid idiot. I don’t know what the future has in store for Ashley in Los Angeles, but I sense it has something to do with the hostess stand at the Cheesecake Factory.
Slowly but surely, the tension around the table escalated, reaching a new high (or low) when Ash informed her mother that at least at twenty SHE wasn’t pregnant. That’s right, Ashley flung her very own existence back at her mom. It was a low blow, and just the sort of thing that brought out the claws in Jacqueline, who immediately noted that at twenty with a baby, she was ten times more responsible than Ashley without child. Of course, if it had been my father at the table, he wouldn’t have even engaged the snide remark. He would have just stared down Ashley and said, “Who do you think you’re talking to?” or “You better watch your mouth.” It’s an old trick my dad uses called PARENTING.
Nevertheless, everything eventually blew up (much to the dismay of the guy sitting at the next booth, who kept turning his head to see what all the clatter was about). Jacqueline called her daughter the most spoiled brat EVAR and huffed off in a fit of tears, and while Ashley IS the most spoiled brat EVAR, I do find it particularly loathsome that her own mother would call her that, especially on TV. It’s not that I feel sympathetic to Ashley, but clearly we see where her awfulness stems from (see note about lack of good PARENTING).
In the end, poor Jacqueline was left bawling in the basement of the restaurant, feeling hurt and rejected by her daughter, who clearly plays favorites with the parents. I say kick the dumb bitch to the curb. If she likes her dad so much, why doesn’t he take her in? Yeehaw!
“Milania, CALM DOWN! We just have to make pizza dough for five more minutes, and then we’re taking you to Father Merrin for your exorcism.”
“Of the many things I resent you for, Mother, this has to be greatest among them.”
“Richie, we can’t put this off any longer. Our daughter is growing up. She’s going to have sex. It’s time for The Talk.”
Richie: “What does Julie Chen’s show have to do with our daughter?”
“Oh gosh. Ashley is joining us. Better make this a double.”
“Good news, Ashley. Your knit cap looks dumb on me too.”
“Oh my gosh! It’s my surprisingly hot dad!”
“What are you doing here??? Can I have a car?”
“I just get so emotional when idiots are happy.”
“Hey everyone, my FAVORITE parent is here. Hear that mom? My FAVORITE.”
“In an effort to bond with my dog, I’ve decided to style my hair like a springer spaniel.”
“Honey, I want to talk to you about sex. If you have it, you will die. Have a great formal!”
“Omigosh omigosh! Billy Joel’s daughter is coming over!”
“Hahahhahaa isn’t Ashley the WORST?”
“Hahaha biggest spoiled brat I ever met. Way to go, WIFE.”
“Heyyyyyyyyyyy so I want to go to makeup school. I kiiind of need my own house for that.”
“You know, Mom, for all your talk, YOU were the one with a baby at 20. And look how THAT turned out.”
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. I was too distracted by your dumb hat.”
“Ashley, I’m sick of you always recording The McLaughlin Group on our DVR!”
“It’s times like these I love being an absentee father.”
“Mom, you don’t understand how hard it’s been. Ever since the muffler shop on route 17 closed, the modeling gigs have really dried up!”
“I miss Danielle Staub.”
What did you think about the episode? Is Ashley fixable? Where did Jacqueline go wrong?
Oh Ashley is just the worst. Melissa’s screeching was awful but somehow she is getting more of my sympathy now than Tre. Tre is just awful now too.
Jacqueline’s mistake has been trying to help this pain in the ass kid too much.
She needs to send her out of the house, pay her own rent with a job waiting tables (which might be too hard for her) and let her drown. No consequences for her mouth or her actions..why should she change? Hell, let’s buy her ANOTHER car!
I pray Jacqueline throws her out and let’s the father deal with her for a year or two.
Insulting your mother for not aborting you…. seriously?
And wtf with the hats?
Great recap!!
As much as I dislike Ashley I am kinda loving her boots… her one redeeming quality is a pair of boots we all know she didn’t pay for…sigh…
I thought this episode was pretty average, you know, median (good lord, Melissa, GET LITERATE). But then the Ashley part aired. Too much, there is too much sputtering so I can’t say everything. Naturally I was appalled by Ashley throwing that pregnancy thing in her mom’s face. Another comment, that was associated with this heinous crime, was Ashley’s assertion that her mom had signed up for this disrespect, nonsense, manipulation, disappointment the minute she decided to keep Ashley instead of putting her up for adoption. That spoke volumes of Ashley’s (lack of) character. Her awareness that a parent will unconditionally love his or her child totally informs her laziness, selective lapses of depression, rudeness, attitude, etc. so much so that she actually said it on TV. She basically said “you’re my parent, so you WILL put up with this BS.” Awful. This California pipe dream is a joke. How has she not been herself loafing around NJ? What an idiot.
I’m sure the reason she’s not living with her HOT dad is because he doesn’t have the money Chris does. She wouldn’t have the car etc. if she was living with him.
I think she belongs on one of those Maury episodes with the out of control teens who get sent to bootcamp.
Milania terrifies me.
I would pay to see a Housewives show when Theresa’s daughters are all teenagers and she gets to see what it’s REALLY like to have four daughters.
“Milania terrifies me.”
Buahahahahahaha! Best line of the month!
i thought the scene with jaqueline crying but trying to talk through the sobbing really sad. that wasn’t tearing up cause someone was kind of mean, that was straight up broken hearted ugly crying because you’ve been broken.
I felt the same way! That was NOT for the cameras. That was true heartbreak.
At the risk of sounding completely heinous, it is clear that there is not enough child beating going on in New Jersey. Ashley needed that ass beat years ago, and Milania is at least due for some waterboarding. There. I said it.
Ashley saying that she didn’t sign up for having her two little brothers was really awful. She is a very ugly person inside. She needs a shrink or something because she is just not normal, and she thinks and says out loud because her mother didn’t put her up for adoption her mother owes her everything. Ashley should be grateful her mother even had her, there I said it. Ahley is a little shit. Jacqueline should get her out of her house asap.
After watching Ashley act like such vile scum of the Earth, my tubes actually tied themselves.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Milania getting an exorcism – hysterical and so right on point!
I am so glad I wasn’t the only one who heard Melissa say ‘median’ instead of ‘medium’ – and twice for pete’s sake!
I wonder if editing did that on purpose so the collective “we” could be like: Did she just say….YEP. There she said it again.
Dumbass.
Clearly Ashley is a burn out. Smoke another one Ash.
And B-side, Ashley cannot compete with the likes of Ninja who in her day RULED Cheesecake on BevGlen.
Milania is incredible! I wish they had a Milania cam and we got to see snippets during the vingettes they show b/w commercials. Now that would rule.
Median? MEDIAN? REALLY? That “wench” lives in a mansion spec house and I got a full ride to school (sorry, had to mention that for the sake of making a point) and live in an apartment and work as a drone. Where did I go wrong in life? WTF?
I think that Milania is fab-u-lous ! A Milania cam is a great idea she is too funny
Wonder if Tre was like her when she was little?
Agreed. I have an MBA (paid for by my employer) and I don’t drive a Benz and live in a convention center-sized home, WTF? But then I also don’t have to do unspeakable things to non-juicy and neither do you. We win!
Thanks for bringing me back down to earth Amy, I needed that! WE are the sane ones.
Her mansion-spec house also has a “liberry” according to Melissa. Is it too much to ask that if you live in a home with a library that you SHOULD know how to pronounce it? Not for nothin’.
Another great point.
I’m just going to say it Melissa’s lack of grasp on the English language makes Tre’s over use of the ‘word’, yous appear grammatically prolific.
PROSTITUTION WHOHAH!
I have to say I think Milania is hilarious.
“What are you doing here???? Can I have a car??” Awesome.
Why is nobody saying more about that little she-devil Milania?? That child is a nightmare. I work with kids for a living and I’ve never experienced something that horrific. And how does a kid that young learn that kind of behavior, from her parents and siblings of course. Tre and her spoiled brats need a reality check.
Father Merrin, hilar! I’m waiting for her to projectile vomit pizza onto her “old troll” of a dad….Juicy Joe seems depressed and resigned….I can’t blame him
Uh oh miss makin, sounds like you might have been a liittle Milania when u were young, which probably means you’re now a grown Tre clone, which does not bode well for you
Lost it at the ‘The McLaughlin Group’ comment. I am actually okay with Jacqueline calling her the most spoiled brat EVAR on national TV. Ashley crossed the line with so many of her comments this episode and destroyed the line when she bragged to her mom about how superior she was for not being knocked up at 20. Sweet Jesus, buy that BRAT a one-way ticket to LA and let her figure out her California dream with out all those awful people supporting her, buying her stuff and telling her what to do.
I think Theresa is ready to explode with the stress of all the crap in her life. Her interactions with the children were so tense. As much as I can’t stand her, she is clearly hanging on by a thread and knows it is up to her and her stupid reality TV and cookbook career to support their fabricated lifestyle.
Melissa is too stupid for words….
Ashley need tough love and intensive counselling. She has figured out how to manipulate her mom with guilt, and has used it to her own detriment. She has bought into the notion that she is somehow a victim of her mom’s divorce from her dad, and that her victim status entitles her to be taken care of for the rest of her life without any responsibilities. Her love can’t be bought because enough will never be enough. But, down deep, she must be as miserable as she makes everyone else feel. And so, I think rather than bashing her, we need to be lovingly encouraging her to get into counselling with a professional because at this point any attempts by the family to fix the problems are going to fail.
Nah, I’m gonna bash that bitch. If her and her own parents can’t figure out she needs help, then they deserve that waste of a human being.
I will never forget Milania’s foghorn mouth yelling on the Italy cruise about her birthday cake ” I DON’T WAAAAAAANT IT!!!”