BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The House Is Shaken, Not Stirred

It’s a new week in the Big Brother house, and the power has gloriously shifted to the underdogs. Many readers don’t seem to care for Kalia based on her questionable eating practices (she apparently eats other people’s food), incessant gossiping, and infinite crying. However, all this stuff happens on the feeds, which I’m still woefully behind on, and as she’s presented to us by CBS, I don’t mind Big Kalia, as Jeff calls her. I’m not saying that I love her, but I am noting that I’m happy she’s in power. The best part of Big Brother is watching the pendulum of power swing to and fro, and after three weeks of pure Veteran dominance, it’s fun to see the likes of Daniele and Kalia take over the reins.

Of course, the Veterans aren’t happy about it. They’re all throwing hissy fits, accusing Daniele and Kalia of ignoring the real threat: the FLOATERS. According to them, the only real players are Jeff, Jordan, and Rachel — everyone else is just floating to wherever the power is. I still don’t know what exactly is wrong with that strategy. If Jeff and Jordan were so concerned about the veritable flotilla of players, they should have rooted out Kalia and Lawon back when they had the chance. Instead, they went after Dom and Adam (and then Cassie and Shelly) on the grounds that they were all their biggest threats.

Well, now here comes Kalia, who’s just come off two weeks of hostility from Rachel and Jeff, and suddenly she’s not obligated to go after her biggest threats? Apparently so.

To clarify, Kalia decided that this week she wanted to get Rachel out of the house. It was an obvious choice, and alongside her, Kalia wanted to place Jeff as something of a pawn. I’m sure Kalia truly didn’t want Jeff out of the house compared to Rachel, but the thought had to have crossed her mind that either nominee going home would be a win-win. Nevertheless, she informed Jeff of the plan, and he went ballistic, partially because Kalia wasn’t being honest about her motives. He had every right to be mad — I’d be mad too if I were being used as a pawn. However, Jeff then badgered Kalia endlessly, saying that he’d come after her big time if he wound up on the block instead of a floater. Not sure how this was a smart strategy. All it seemed to do was cement the notion that he was a major threat that needed to be eliminated.

In the end, Kalia remained unswayed by Jeff’s threats. She nominated Jeff and Rachel, the latter of whom then directed her wrath at Daniele, who she perceived to be the puppet master of the situation. Again, more flawed logic as the same could be said of Jordan’s perpetual deference to Jeff.

Aside from the scheming and screaming, last night’s episode provided us with the usual Sunday night silliness. There was a fun Have / Have-Not competition that had contestants whipping up strange cocktails. Some of them seemed nasty, but some of them seemed rather pleasant. Porsche, the brilliant woman that she is, put together yams, carrots, and onions. Also known as A CLASSIC THANKSGIVING COMBINATION. Luckily for her, Shelly totally failed to get beyond guessing just one ingredient. As for Shelly, she made a ridiculously easy drink too: beets, jalapeno, and pickles. That’s right: she chose one ingredient with a highly distinct color, one ingredient with a highly distinct spice sensation, and one ingredient with a highly distinct acidic flavor. Even Porsche, who had claimed to not know what an onion tastes like, was able to pinpoint the ingredients.

As for the rest of the cast, there aren’t too many updates. Adam finally shed his elf costume in a striptease that was met with polite but bored laughter (much as all his jokes are received), Lawon said some nonsense about being a shotman or whatever (I still don’t know if he’s most offensive to gay or black populations), and Daniele called Rachel an idiot, which was certainly welcomed.

I’m curious to see how this madcap week progresses…

“You get an HOH key! And you get an HOH key! And YOU get an HOH key!”

“I haven’t been this sad since I was turned down for a job at Applebees. Last year.”

“Why did Brendon have to leave? And why did Kalia have to win? AND WHY ARE THERE NO GODDAMN BUSHES FOR ME TO CRY IN??”

“I’M NOT READY FOR DOUBLE TROUBLE.”

“Oh my gosh. It’s a picture of me with my good friend Mr. John TravOLLLLLLLLTTAAAAAA!!!”

Rachel: “Yeah, you cry Kalia. You CRY HARD.”
Porsche: “I like paper.”

“I just want to say that I really respect you so much as a competitor now. Like SO much. Have I convinced you that I’m your friend yet?”

“Hey, Kalia. Tell me about discrimination, BRO.”

“Shhh… I’m gonna sneak up on Kalia, BRO.”

“NAPPERS GRAB A HAMMOCK!”

“Oh my gosh. I want one of you to make me a cosmo. I am SUCH a Carrie!”

“Whoa, did Sam Malone make this or somethin’?”

“HOOOO-WEEEE! This cocktail is CAH-RAY-ZEEEE!!!!”

“HOOOOO-WEEEEE!!! That cocktail continues to be CAH-RAY-ZEEEEE!!!!”

“SHOTMAN SAY GOBLELTYA WOOPIE GOOBIE BEEEBEEE WOOOTTTY BANG BANG!!!!”

“Whatchu mean there’s no tuna in that shake? HOOOOOO-WEEEE!!! This outcome is CAH-RAY-ZEEE!!!!”

“Let’s drink this shit, BRO.”

“Let me just clear this glass away. And for the record, I’m doing this because I admire cleanliness, not because I’m trained as a rather luxurious VIP Waitress, WHICH I’M NOT.”

“Wow. I don’t know what was in that drink. All I know is that it’s white, and white makes me think of snow. And snow makes me think of Christmas. And Christmas makes me think of Jesus and the manger, and that’s like what animals eat out of, and that makes me think of horses and stuff, and… oh gosh. There’s horseradish in here, isn’t there?”

“Oh, and also, it tastes like horseradish.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t get sauerkraut. I mean, when I drank that shot, I felt like throwing up, and that reminded me of when I got real dizzy one time playing Ring around the Rosie, and that made me think of roses, and every rose has a thorn, and that makes me think of Poison. And, like, poison is real bad for you. And so is old food. And, like, when milk gets old, it becomes sour. So, like, DUH, of course sauerkraut was in there!!!”

A rare glimpse of Rachel in the morning.

“I want to work with you, Kalia. BROS ’til the end.”

Jeff: “Way to sell me out, Larry Appleton!”

“Hey Daniele, mind if I sit closer to you?”
“Really?”
“RIVALS GRAB YOUR OWN PRIVATE BENCH!”

What did you think about the episode? Happy with the nominations?