What if you made a music video, and no one came to be in it? Would it still make a noise? That’s the philosophical question that I’m sure someone asked when watching last night’s catty, penultimate (sniff sniff) episode of The Real Housewives of New York City. The big news was that LuAnn was putting together a music video for her soon-to-be radio smash “Chic, C’est La Vie,” and naturally all the women would want to be in it, right? Not so much. First Ramona expressed concern because she felt the video would send a poor message to Avery. Then Alex dropped out because she simply a) hates LuAnn, and b) hates the idea of a song that celebrates jetsetting and “class.” In fact, we learned that Alex hates the word “class” entirely, noting that those who have it don’t flaunt it. Point well taken. However, as Alex and Simon grumbled about LuAnn, I couldn’t help but cringe at the inevitable clash this would lead to in the reunion, especially when Simon suggested taking the “o” out of “Countess.”

Nevertheless, Ramona and LuAnn decided to have coffee, which we knew would end badly, especially when the first words out of The Countess’s mouth were a passive-aggressive complaint about having to travel across town to get there.


Anyway, what ensued was yet another remarkable, cringe-worthy, horrific, petty, and generally amazing dustup between these two arch-rivals. Both women managed to dress each other down with cutting words and insinuations, and while normally I find that LuAnn tends to be in the wrong, this time around, it seemed like Ramona was a bit on the losing side. It would have been fine if she had just said she didn’t feel comfortable being in the video, and it would have been smarter if she had just said, “I can’t make it.” But instead, Ramona launched into a rather sanctimonious spiel about how she’s a role model to Avery (which never stopped her from making an ass of herself on national TV) and then began insinuating all the different and varied ways in which LuAnn was a negligent and perhaps less successful mother to Victoria.

Of course, the Countess is no shrinking violet, and she angrily dished it all back at Ramona, at first suggesting that Ramona was being an unsupportive friend, and then implying that her marriage with Mario was on the brink. Ramona, however, didn’t miss a beat and clucked about how wonderful it was to be married for eighteen years and not have her husband cheat on her once. KA-BOOM. That was line that put LuAnn over the edge, and soon thereafter she politely excused herself from the table and left, surely muttering “witch” under her breath. It was all so uncomfortable and nasty that I couldn’t help giggling with delight.

Eventually LuAnn headed down to the super class BORGATA Casino and Resort in Atlantic City to film her video with Jill, who hilariously proved to be a pain in the ass on the set. Are we surprised, though? Hearing her harp on a sunset from a limo was worth having her there. Kelly also made a brief appearance, as did Bobby and his son, DARREN ZARIN. Chuckles were had.

Back up in the city, there was more tension brewing. Sonja invited Cindy over for a sad breakfast (at 11:30 AM) that seemed to be entirely forged in an old toaster. I know this was part of Sonja’s attempt to brand herself as the Toaster Oven Cuisine Queen, but this just looked unfortunate. Nevertheless, as we all remember, the last time Cindy visited Sonja’s home, things didn’t go so well. I believe a certain pecking order was discussed. This time around, the women tried to start things anew, but when Cindy took a conference call in the kitchen and then shushed Sonja multiple times rather rudely, we knew these two women would never mesh.

To be fair, I think it was rather rude of Cindy to take the call right there in the kitchen, but it was also rude of Sonja to make so much noise in the background (clattering pots and pans, screaming at Cindy to get off the phone). Still, Sonja wins this battle because Cindy’s shushing really was obnoxious, and quite frankly, I’m not sure why she double-booked herself in the first place.

Anyway, on to the photocap…

“Will you be making me look extra-mannish for the video?”

Ramona: “You know, I need to be a role model for Avery, and a music video – that lasts forever! It’ll be on the Internet until the end of time. However, getting drunk and insulting people on a nationally broadcast reality show, that’s fine.”

“Class? What an awful word. I mean, LuAnn might as well release a song called, ‘Money Can’t Buy You a CUNT.'”

“I can’t wait to tell DAAAARIN ZAAAARIN about this cap.”

“I don’t know if I should do the video. On the one hand, it would be fun. On the other hand, it’s so outrageously embarrassing.”

“LuAnn, I’m not doing your video because I think it sends the wrong message.”

“And what message is THAT, Ramona?”

“Well, your last video had a lot of men lying on beds and, well, I find that too risqué. No. You know what it is? Déclassé. Sorry. That’s what it is.”

“Oh, Ms. Turtle Time is lecturing me on impropriety?”

“Well, I have an image to uphold for my daughter. That’s very important for me. And that’s okay if you don’t care what your daughter thinks of you.”

“Excuse me. I never said that I don’t care what my daughter thinks of me.”

“Infer what you want from what I said. I’m just saying that I like to actually spend TIME with my daughter, and that’s why she’s turned out so wonderfully.”

“So you’re implying that because I only see my daughter on the weekends that she’s a total mess?”

“Infer what you want.”

“ALLS I know is that you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m only speaking about my relationship with my daughter, which is very strong and probably would not be the same if I left her home alone in the Hamptons five days a week.”

“There you go again.”

“Infer what you want!”

“My daughter has turned out wonderfully.”

“She’s a lovely young lady, and her racist YouTube video was really a hoot!”

“So tell me, Ramona. How IS your crumbling marriage?”


“My marriage is wonderful. We’ve been going eighteen years strong, and I hope someday you can experience what it feels like to be with a man for almost two decades without him cheating on you.”

“That was low, Ramona. Even for you.”


“Well, if you don’t want to do the video, that’s fine.”

“Thank you.”

“And if you can’t find it in your IMPUDENT LITTLE HEART TO SUPPORT A FRIEND, well, that’s something YOU’LL have to deal with.”

“I’m very supportive.”

“I’d like to remind you that I trekked ACROSS town to get here. And for what? There’s not a single FRENCH FLAG ANYWHERE!”

“You know, Cindy, I just toasted a slice of Ezekiel bread for you, and this is the thanks I get? Not in my house!”

“Give me a minute. I mean… seriously?”

“And you know what else I did for you? I bought you orange juice. ORANGE JUICE! And did I mention the Ezekiel bread?”

“Alright. Enough with the Ezekiel bread.”

“I preheated my toaster oven. PREHEATED! And you know what I put in there? EZEKIEL BREAD!”

“You’re acting like I’ve been on the phone forevah.”

“Well, you’ve been on long enough that I could have run down to the grocery store and bought you a new loaf of EZEKIEL BREAD.”

“No one will ever know that I’ve poisoned Ramona’s pinot grigio. CHIC, C’EST LA VIE!”

Jill: “I need to know right now: are we going to film that sunset? Because if not, I’m leaving this shoot.”

Ramona: “You’re looking busty.”
Sonja: “Yes, well, I stuffed my bra with Ezekiel bread.”

“Oh my gosh. I’ve grown accustomed to Brooklyn. WHAT SORT OF ROLE MODEL AM I??”

“And so the she takes a call for ten minutes in my kitchen! It’s like she didn’t even SEE the Ezekiel Bread!”

LuAnn: “Hmmm… not sure that Bobby is very Chic, C’est La Vie. Can we find someone who’s a little less… ethnic?”

LuAnn: “Look at me walking with ELE-GAAANCE.”
Jill: “I want to film another sunset.”

“Well, I think I’ve established my street-cred thoroughly.”

What did you think about the episode? Team Ramona or Team LuAnn? Team Sonja or Team Cindy?

18 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: LuAnn’s Music Video Not The Hot Ticket She Expected”

  1. Cindy is self-centered. I didn’t understand why Sonia was still in her pjs when she know that a guest was coming over. I know it was breakfast, but you can eat toaster-oven eggs while wearing jeans or something.

    I just hope Mario is not cheating on Ramona b/c she will look like a fool for flaunting her marriage. In this episode she did this to Luanne and she also said something similar to Cindy a while ago (I can’t remember the context of the conversation).

    Jill’s expertise on EVERYTHING is annoying. Ugh.

    I keep wanting to like Alex and Simon because I do agree with them on some of their opinions about the other ladies, but there is just something pathetic and downtrodden about them. I don’t know how to explain it.

    1. Totally agree about alex, simon, jill and luann. Ya just know that Mario is probably cheating on Ramona since bravo seems to be showing him all the time checking out the ladies boobs. He’s icky in my world.

      I totally love sonja. she thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread and doesn’t take shit from anyone. I like cindy, she seems to be holding her own.

      kelly is so boring. she doesn’t want to go anywhere, do anything or drink anything stronger than beer. she needs to go. get someone fun with NO kids.

  2. Are you kidding John? Ramona “turtle time” Singer is clearly the worst of the bunch. No, you know what she is? Declassse. Sorry, that’s what she is.

  3. LuAnn’s on such a high horse this season I can’t believe she’s not suffering from altitude sickness, so I can understand why Ramona, Sonja, and Alex didn’t want to participate in her music video, but why the need to be so hypocritical about it. Sonja’s excuse might have carried more weight if we hadn’t already seen her writhe on her kitchen island and dining room table to promote her stupid cookbook, forget her undies at her costume party, and make a total fool of herself at her burlesque party. And, Ramona conveniently forgets last season’s Turtle Time misadventure and this season’s “The Seduction of Mario”. Using your kids feelings as an excuse when it suits you, under the guise of good parenting, is just as loathsome as not considering their feelings prior to the 27 times you’ve already made huge asses out of yourselves.

    Knowing LuAnn, had it been Ramona asking her to appear in a commerical for her pinot, LuAnn would have done it “to support her friend” and we would have been subjected to a ton of footage of her making catty comments at the shoot behind Ramona’s back about how awful the project was. I guess in LuAnn’s world insincerity = supporting a friend.

    And don’t even get me started on Cindy. I’d like to see her reaction if she invited Sonja to a toaster oven breakfast at her house and she brought along her assistant to take a meeting in the middle of it.

    I honestly don’t know what’s worse; how oblivious these women really are or how, after watching so many different seasons of so many Real Houswives franchises, I’m still amazed at how oblivious these women really are.

  4. Loved, loved, loved Ramona’s lunch with the Countess. OF COURSE the blondes were being insincere by saying their daughters would be embarrased by their appearing in LuAnn’s video (although I imagine the kids would indeed be embarrassed), but LuAnn is constantly using that same excuse for not attending the others’ events, so it was atually pretty smart & funny to me when they did it to her. LuAnn is always avoiding Alex and Ramona’s events because, she alleges, Victora needs her that night or whatever. That was her excuse for not going to Scary Island too, and even her best friend Jill called that a fake excuse on camera. LuAnn is a phoney, extremely passive-aggessive liar. So Ramona just turned that same passive-aggression right around on the Countess during that lunch and, to me at least, it was a thing of beauty! LuAnn’s chest actually turned red in that scene, just like Alex’s does when she’s getting really upset. Plus Bethenny was right – LuAnn does always seem to storm off just before the bill comes! Anyway, as bad as Ramona’s behavior can be at times, I find her to be the most entertaining by far, and if she ever leaves this show, I’m done.

    Was anybody else impressed by the amazingly high quality of LuAnn’s “music” video? Their budget was probably right up there with the budget for Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Just to pay the extras must have cost those producers a small fortune. Bobby Zarin, Darren Zarin and Baby Herman the Music Producer don’t come cheap, I’m sure. And if that video doesn’t win a grammy in the Best Spoken Word category, I’ll eat my hat!

    Cindy, UGH! What is there to like about this woman?

    By the way, my daddy owns oil wells (bottles of canola oil) in Kansas too, Alex. Two more oil wells than your daddy owned! Plus a rubber plantation (box or Trojans) in Florida! So I have the C word too.

    Jill Zarin’s screeching “Turn the fucking car around so we can get the fucking sunset!” was the epiphany of class, beauty and elaGANCE. Never change, JZ.

    1. Ryange, DITTO! I felt the same way but no way could I have written such a great post !

      Alex needs to watch The Ramona/Countess Lunch for a few pointers. I could certainly watch it again and again, because that was some kind of AWESOME! I think Countess not only ran out because of the check coming, but she also didn’t want Ramona blurting out about her affairs.

  5. Please, turtle time is completely different. How many people don’t want to have some fun with friends on a vacation? But Luann’s, of all people, video? Doesn’t anyone remember the completely ridiculous “Money Can’t Buy You Class”? How embarrassing was that!? I think Ramona was being polite by not mentioning what total stupidity Luann’s songs and videos are. And doesn’t Luann realize no one cares what she considers class (because Luann and class is an oxymoron)? The proof is in how terrible her book on “class” did. She is obsessed with that word and let’s face it, like Alex said, if you have to flaunt it, you don’t have it. She’s right about that. I love Ramona. At least she has a heart, can’t say that about Jill or Kelly or Luann or Cindy as a matter of fact. Well it’s obvious what color hair I like – when it comes to RHNY anyway.

    1. I agree LuAnn’s songs are awful but have we forgotten Ramona’s seduction scene a few episodes back or have they become repressed memories?

      1. You mean the seduction scene with her husband?? lol Oh yeah how bad was that, rolling around a bed and bar with many men pawing and oggling you is way better than seducing your husband. lol

  6. Ryange you are so so right. It was brilliant of Ramona the way she turned the tables on Luann like that. I hadn’t thought of it in the perfect way you explained it! Bravo!

  7. Can someone give Alex and Simon the name of a good landscape gardener. The backyard of their house looks like an exercise yard in a maximum security prison. There doesn’t appear to be any greenery at all, just concrete and cheap plastic furniture and yet we now hear that Alex comes from money. For gods sake buy some plants then. And what was with Simon’s brother and friend? They must be from New Zealand ’cause Aussies are much more fun than those two drongos (look it up). Simon’s comment about the Countess is unforgivable. I’ll be interested to see how he tries to squirm out of that the way he did with Jill recently.
    Ramona is such a hypocrite, it takes my breath away. That cringingly embarrassing seduction of Mario scene would scar me for life if I were Avery,she has the worst double standards of any of the Housewives in my opinion.
    That whole Cindy\Sonja breakfast blow up was such a set up. Why would they have the cameras rolling for an informal brunch (made in a toaster oven no less) if there wasn’t going to be some drama involved. Cindy isn’t the slightest bit interested in being a housewife, she’s too busy plugging her house of hair removal and jewelry for lady bits. Sonja plays the needy and clingy role but I doubt she’s really that keen to have Cindy as a friend, it must be in her contract with Bravo.

  8. Lot’s of double standards. Ramona is MARRIED to Mario, she can seduce him on TV every day of the week. The Countless is shacking up with her French dude, acting like
    any newly divorced 40 something with her pants on fire. She’s setting a wonderful
    example for her impressionable teen daughter, who will throw the shacking up in
    Mommy’s face every chance she gets. Jill is a shrew, Cindy is really a man, and Sonja
    needs to find another older gent to keep her in style. Ramona’s conversation with
    Lu Ann was awesome, Lu Ann has met her match.

  9. Robbie, I am still cracking up at your description of Alex/Simon’s backyard.

    Does Sonja enjoy these toaster oven breakfasts with the enigmatic ROYALTY and VERY OLD FRENCH FAMILIES she constantly refers to as well?

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