Anyone who watches Jersey Shore knows that when Sammi Sweetheart (née Giancola) is upset, she gets one hell of a sneer on her face. The effect is comical enough on its own, but it’s even more amusing when Sammi slaps on some clown makeup. Those eyebrows go up, that nose crinkles, and suddenly Sammi looks like a bitter reject from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Yes, Sammi’s drag queen expressions are hilarious, and on this week’s show, she gave us a full range of Joan Crawford-esque images that just needed to be archived.
After the jump, a full tour of the visual splendor that is Sammi’s face.
The “I don’t wanna hear it.”
The “Go Find Someone Who Cares.”
The Ardent Chipmunk
The “If I EVER….”
The “I Put My Glasses On, Which Means I’m Very Serious About My Rage.”
The About-To-Turn-The-Full-Bitch-On
The Angry Executive Receiving News of a Hostile Takeover
The “Oh Yeah? You Want Me To Look It Up On Wikipedia? Because I will!”
The Drag Queen Just Found Out No Bus Is Running Tonight
The “What Are You Talking About? There’s No Such Thing As Tangelos.”
The “You Are Just Gross. Ew.”
The “You Embarrassed MMMMEH!!”
The “Are You Serious Right Now With The Lines In Your Hair?”
The Math Is Hard
The 43 Year Old Woman Is Mad That JoAnn Down The Street Stole Her Recipe (a.k.a. The “You See What She Did? You See What She Did?”)
The “I Don’t Want To Talk About The Wheel of Fortune Incident.”
The “Excuse me. EXCUSE ME.”
The “You Know What You Did Wrong, But I’m Not Entirely Clear What It Is; So I’ll Stand Here And Pretend Like I Do Know, and Hopefully You’ll Just Tell Me.”
The “That’s A Crock of Shit!”
The Just Tasted Not So Great Pizza.
The “He’ll Be Sorry When I’m Gone.”
The “But You Know What? I Love The Jerk!”
The “MacGuyver Was A Good Show. A DAMN Good Show.”
The “Get Off My Lawn Before I Turn The Sprinklers On.”
The “If I Have To Tell One More Kid To Get Off My Lawn…”
The Overconfident Emu
The “So I Left The Tanning Bed On. What’s The Big Deal?”
The “Are you friends with HAH? ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HAHHH???”
The “I Just Shot You With Invisible Bitch Rays From My Eyes.”
The “I’m Going To Kill You In Your Sleep, and I’m Going To Enjoy It.”
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Hahahahahahhaa!!! This is amazeballs!
Sammi also has to touch her hair constantly while making all those monkey faces.
I can’t decide which is more annoying, her voice or her face. And I agree about the hair touching thing. Weird? Maybe it’s to make sure the hair is still attached?? But I can tell you the only interesting thing about her: your blog!
She is awful. In every way.
It’s a pleasure to find someone who can indetfiy the issues so clearly
Thank you for posting this; it made my day. Anything that rips her to pieces makes me happy.
No “look at me” look?
The Joan Crawford Bitch face she gave Vinnie last episode was one her best. I also like (read: am distracted by) when she interviews and tilts her head back, acting as if she is having great difficulty seeing over her own nose.
You should do a feature on each one of the House mates. They all have distinct facial expressions and weirdness that should be explored.
Also- why is her eye makeup all smeared all the time???
next up you need a post on all her gesticulations… a veritable subset of ASL.
her head/face is so…square.
Full stream of tears in my cubicle. The Overconfident Emu sent me over the silent laugh edge.
Sammi can be the next Kim Kardashian! she already has the boring personality and no talent part down. Now all she has to do is dump that midget Ronnie and find herself a black pro athlete to raise her profile. I know she turned town P Diddy, but who can blame her, the guy is like 45 and looks like a donkey. But I know there has to be a black athlete out there somewhere who would put up with Sammie’s horrible personality.
Does anyone know if Sammi Sweetheart made love to Arvin? That episode was so funny when Arvin went to meet her at the club and in a robotic voice with a middle eastern accent he kept repeating “I’m here to see Samantha” he sounded like a freaken Cyborg!
her face looks like she is reentering Earth’s atmosphere. Also when she does her talking heads she leans her head back and it makes her neck look wide. she is a train wreck.