JERSEY SHORE PHOTOCAP: Fight Night In Miami (a.k.a. The Episode I Made My Mom Watch)

The latest episode of Jersey Shore was surprisingly sweet and poignant — as much as the show can be — with Vinny falling in love with an unattainable club dancer named Ramona, but alas, MTV hasn’t posted photos of that episode; so I’ll dig back a show earlier to last Thursday which saw perhaps the craziest hour of the season thus far. The fallout from THE LETTER finally reached full throttle as an all-out brawl exploded in the kitchen, and I can assure you that the ensuing chaos was utterly entertaining.

Not everyone was a fan of this ridiculousness though. Example A: my mother, who I forced to watch the show. By the two-minute mark, she was already complaining: “You went to college for this?” she asked me. This was followed by “This is the lowest of the low,” (her favorite anti-reality show critique) and then “This is for, like, twelve year olds.” She then launched into inadvertent Rachel Zoe-isms by saying “This is beyond. BEYOND.” Later, when Snooki classified her ethnicity as “tan,” my mother posed this question: “Would you be friendly with people like that?” I assured her the answer was no, which still elicited the follow-up comment, “Idiotic.” Sadly, my mother was unable to see the beauty of Jersey Shore, which is why when my father entered the room, she announced, “Our son has declined.” Finally, after having endured the entire episode, my mother declared that “our civilization is headed for total disaster.” This may be true.

Nevertheless, for the rest of us the hour was hilarious. I particularly liked the sparring of Vinny and Angelina (the latter of whom made the ultimate threat: to sully Vinny’s good name on Staten Island! SHUDDER!!!) which eventually translated into late night drunken smooshing. If this ain’t quality TV, I don’t know what is.

Photocap after the jump…

Ronnie: “You’re a fucking asshole, Vinny. You stole my Axe body wash, and I know it! I KNOW IT, DUDE!”

Snooki: “Don’t you EVAH say that Cascada is anything less than the most amazing musical act of our generation!”

Pauly D: “Wow, I ain’t never seen no herpe as big as that. And we live with The Situation.”

Sammi: “I love you, Ron.”
“And I just smooshed a girl in the restroom.”
“RONNIE!”
“But I need you.”
“Aw. Ronnie.”

“Hey Vinny, wait until I get home and trash your name on Staten Island!”
“You think I give a shit?”
“What do you mean? IT’S STATEN ISLAND! THERE COULD BE NOTHING WORSE THAN HAVING YOUR NAME TRASHED THEREIN!”
“Shut up MANgelina.”
“Oh, real mature, Vinny. WAIT UNTIL I TELL EVERYONE ON STATEN ISLAND YOU SAID THAT!!”
“I don’t care!”
“OOOOOHHH GREAT! WAIT UNTIL I TELL EVERYONE ON STATEN ISLAND YOU DON’T CARE.”
“Fine, do it.”
“WHATEVER!!! WAIT UNTIL I TELL EVERYONE ON STATEN ISLAND THAT YOU CONSENT TO HAVING ME TELL EVERYONE ON STATEN ISLAND THAT YOU DON’T CARE!!”

Snooki: “Hey. HEY! Are you gonna put it in me or what?”
“I wanna get my hand on that taco.”
“It’s all yours baby.”
“No, I literally want to eat a taco.”
“Oh. WAAH!”

“Oh my Gawd. Snooki has to stop hooking up. It sounds like an ox getting pleasured with a Swiffer.”

“So you a-no like J-WOWW no a-more?”
“That whore? You know what she did? She tried to be helpful to me and save me from embarrassment. I HATE THAT BITCH!”

“In a surprising turn of events, Snooki performs the opening number, “I Ain’t Afraid of No Sperm (Who You Gonna Call, Jerkoff),” from her new supernatural musical comedy, Spermbusters.

“Damn!! Vinny’s gonna put it in Angelina’s Verrazano Narrows!”

“Vinny, I want to ride you like a truck down the Staten Island Expressway.”

What do you think about what’s going on in the house? Is Sammi a total idiot or what?