Apparently it’s becoming the norm that at least one cast member from a Real Housewives franchise releases a hideous song at some point. Kim Zolciak blazed the way with her so-awful-you-gotta-love-it classic “Tardy for the Party” and was soon followed by Countess LuAnn De Lesseps, who gave us the bizarro drag-anthem “Elegance Is Learned.” Now we have Danielle Staub, who eschewed the campy disco beats of her predecessors for a more heartfelt, if somewhat bland tune called “Real Close.” The surprise is that Danielle has a decent (not great) voice — good enough that she doesn’t need to rely on auto-tune to get through it. The bigger surprise is that her debut tune isn’t a raunchy sex paean but rather a murky cousin of the Cotton: The Fabric Of Our Lives theme song. I don’t know whether to commend her for her sincere effort or to reject the song wholly for taking itself too seriously.
Either way, we can agree on a few things about the above clip:
1) Andy Cohen’s smile has reached new levels of goofiness previously not thought to be achievable by man alone.
2) No matter how many times the director pans away from that purple, plastic chandelier, this does not feel like a glamorous concert performance.
3) The simmering lesbianism is off the charts.
4) The abundance of fake roses and ivy on the keyboard feels less romantic and more like a Tim Burton sideshow.
and lastly
5) This song is really boring.
What do you think?
I never thought there would be a song that would make me long for the good ole days of “Tardy for the Party.” This mess has actually accomplished that.
Oy. It was like a car wreck. With awkward lesbian flirting.
I wonder how many actual car wrecks have been caused by awkward lesbian flirting.
CONFESSION- I started watching WWHN and reading this blog at the same time so I associate you with him. Did you ever get your buddha statue back?
Which buddha statue was that?
I loved when Ben Weiner said he didn’t have any questions for Danielle – he just wanted us to know he was off to camp for a few weeks.
I also loved that Dina won the Mazel by a landslide. In Your Face Danielle.!!
hb
I did not see any simmering lesbianism. I saw one attention whore trying to act like there was simmering lesbianism to get more attention, and one very uncomfortable lesbian pianist. When Andy asked if there was anything going on between the two, the pianist immediately shook her head no, and then Danielle butted in and acted coy, trying to insinuate something was going on.
Danielle’s voice isn’t awful, but she is completely tone deaf.
I have done a 180 on Andy Cohen. He used to make my skin crawl and now I find him charming. He is totally cheesy, but it seems genuine. I loved his smiling during the song, because it was clear that he mocking Danielle rather than admiring her talent.
I want to pop Danielle’s deformed boob for her attitude towards Ben Weiner. At first, her expression was nothing short of disgust, and then when she saw how much Andy likes Ben she faked that she though Ben was adorable too.
And how stupid is she that she didn’t get the Grandma Wrinkles metaphor!
Clearly this episode got me worked up.
I only watched the first few minutes of WWH, but I loved how all Andy was doing was mocking her the entire time! It was great, and I can’t wait to watch the rest tonight.
Toooootally!! When Andy first revealed her boobs with Grandma Wrinkles’ faces on them instead of the weird green ‘mold’ blur, Danielle’s face was full of the rage and defensiveness that we see every episode; but, when Andy started to make light about it, she quickly pretended to appreciate the joke and laugh too. You know she was SO pissed off. She is a freak and I LOVED Andy completely not disguising his feelings of distaste towards her.
Andy is a total Dina fan and loves her, I think that was made obvious with all of Andy’s references to Dina for the full half hour. Didn’t he eveen say how much he loved her to Danielle’s face? Love me some Andy Cohen.
When they cut to Andy and the silly grin, I couldn’t help but think of the smiley shot glass.
I’m really in the minority here, but the singing was pretty decent.
Glad you’re coming around on Andy Cohen, because I absolutely love him.
Ken, I am with you. As much as I despise this women (sp:intended), I loved her voice and loved the song. I honestly think she is the only housewife (other than Kandi) who has voice talent and unfortunately, she knows it. If she would just get rid of the face, conceit and lack of class, she would have a shot at having a hit single.
It’s unfortunate (or fortunate to some), but true: people will never be able to separate and appreciate her talent from the horrific person she is.
I hate that woman/women/wombat. She is a stain on society. You need to be looking for the most disgusting shot glass in the world for your NJ recap. Maybe one cracked and dirty, smelly and gross. I have not had these hate feelings for an image on my TV ever. EVER.
Her music is not worthy of an elevator. Her songs sucked— BIG HAIRY SMELLY OLD BALLS.sucked sucked sucked
LOL! I wish we had “like” button options on here, cause I liked this.
Andy used to bug me and now seems like less of a tool. As for the Housewives franchise love and hate and WTF sometimes.. Also Gretchen Rossi released a single soon after the death of her man. As I recall the song was not too bad. Love the blog Mister B-Side.
Aren’t most strippers into girls? They use men for money, but women for play? Danielles
MO.
Ok, that was a total ripoff of the great PM Dawn song I’d Die Without You. arrgh
Ok, that song is a total ripoff of PM Dawn’s great song I’d Die Without You. aarrgghh
Ok, you can delete one of mine…..it never showed up originally! Sorry! 😛
Please just make it stop. We already have bad singers trying out for American Idol all of the time, we don’t need to sensationalize another bad singer. She’s not even William Hung…
bet this song tanks on I Tunes….. hate hate hate
I concur that Danielle is the best of the amateur HW singers. (Kandi is actually a professional so I am not lumping her into the competition.) But that’s kind of like being the smartest Kardashain sister – not much of a WIN. I was amazed by her behavior when she wasn’t singing. She is a PSYCHO>>>AND I was getting a little worried for my boo Andy. Isn’t there a point where a network will no longer support someone’s sociopathic behavior????
My thoughts on Danielle’s song…. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. so effing boring! Seriously. The woman is ridiculous.
Ok, I’m in the minority too, but I actually thought she sounded good. I was so surprised. And as everyone already pointed out, Gretchen (my fave Housewife) had a song out too.
Hated the song, but at least she didn’t need the autotune thingy. Her timing was off, yet, it wasn’t horrible.
Or, these bitches are just wearing me down?
Next, Grandma Wrinkles will come out with a record.
Grandma Wrinkles in sequin pants and a one shoulder top would rock my world.
hb
I love you for that mental image.
Hate the bitch, but shocked by how much I appreciated her voice–it SO does not match her speaking voice/my expectation of what she would sound like that I was…I don’t know, charmed a bit? Ain’t sayin’ I’m buyin’ it, just that it was completely unexpected and somewhat charming.
Don’t forget Jo of the original RHOTOC lineup – she was the first to try and segue into a music career…
Anyway, I love Andy Cohen – the man is brilliant – and I would totally love to hang out in the West Village and drink Skinny Girl Margaritas with him while getting the inside scoop on Krazy Kelly and Jill Z’s popularity implosion of 2010.
ugh, she’s too awful for me to care. random side note: if they replace dina with Kim G- i quit. She is sooooo fugly and she brings nothing to the table. Thats alls i knows.