The war between Bethenny and Jill on The Real Housewives of New York City has raged all season long, and it’s starting to reach an insufferable (yet HIGHLY entertaining) point. These two women just keep doing the most awful things possible to each other, and just when we thought Alex was the only cast member left on the show who was above the fray, she up and inserted herself right into the drama by delivering a message to Jill that went more or less along the lines of “Bethenny hates you and never wants to talk to you ever again.” First off, it was ridiculous to get in the middle of the mudslinging as it was, and second off, Bethenny was totally right in that Alex clearly just wanted an excuse to take a swipe at Jill. Clearly Bethenny didn’t seriously enlist Alex to make this attack because let’s be honest — Bethenny would never forgo a chance to take down Jill in front of the cameras. And if she were going to send a vessel in her place, I’m sure she would have sent someone a bit less longwinded. Maybe a Ramona or Sonja or just about anyone else in Manhattan. Certainly not Alex, who spent nearly five awkward minutes stalling before finally delivering “the message.” It was all so uncomfortable and strange, and I’m 100% positive that Alex’s message would have been a touch more effective had it not arrived with such ridiculous fanfare. In the end, it was Alex who wound up looking worst of all — coming off as seriously demented for the first time in a while. Jill was so put off that she had to walk off with Kelly, who repeatedly described the situation as “creepy,” which was a bit bizarre (“bizarre” — that would have been a good word). Eventually Jill wound up crying, and Alex began talking to the camera very slowly (and THAT was creepy), and the whole thing added a new layer of silliness to the most petty feud of all time. I can only imagine how this trainwreck cast of characters will continue to spiral out of control…

“How on Earth did Perez Hilton find out I was pregnant? No one knew… except perhaps a hundred or so people at Bravo.”

“Wow. You’re kind of terrible, huh?”

“Woof! I did it! I told Perez! That’s the last time SHE kicks me off the bed! WOOF!”

LuAnn: “Well you look lovely, my dear.”
“As do you. But you always look lovely.”
“JE CROIS PAS, but thank you! And, my love, I adore your house!”
“You do? Thank you! I’m all alone today. My housekeeper Esperanza is off — you know how Peruvians are. Festival of the Dead this, Cinco de Something that.”
“Always with the holidays. And the babies! [haughty Countess laugh]”
“Speaking of which, I heard Bethenny is pregnant.”
“J’AI ENTENDU DIRE that also! That would explain why she’s such a horror. A nasty, vile horror!”
“Well, I wouldn’t know about that, but if you say so.”
“Well, she’s very sweet, but clearly hormonal. She did call me a snake, but she apologized, and I accepted it, even though we all know whores like her can’t ever be trusted.”
“I could tell she was pregnant because she had a little bubble, but not like my bubble.”
“You have a FUPA, my dear.”
“A fat upper — you know — area. [haughty laugh]”
“Pussy? Pussy area? Is that what you’re saying?”
“My dear you are too much for me!” [hand on Sonja’s shoulder, haughty Countess laugh]

“I can’t believe Bethenny would announce her pregnancy to the media. It should be private, and I will be HAPPY to tell the press JUST THAT!”

“So is it true that Bethenny is pregnant? Because she called me a snake. Did I mention that yet? It happened. She called me a snake. But I forgive her. Even if she DID call me a snake. Which she did.”

“I wanna make sure that when you suck the fat out of Sonja’s stomach, she’s gonna look renewed. I want there to be renewal. Because I am very into renewal, okay? That’s like — you know — my thing. I cut my hair, and now I’m, you know, very renewed in spirit and in look. Some have compared me to Cameron Diaz. I don’t know. It’s just what people say. Maybe it’s what I say. I don’t know. I hear so many voices. And they’re all renewed.”

“You know, one time my son brought home a girl high on ecstasy. She puked in the corner, and to this day, I can’t get the stains out. I’d rather deal with that ten times over than listen to this Ramona woman. Oy vey.”
“I heard that, and I think that’s déclassé!”

“I guess I’m just bummed that I didn’t get to use the announcement of my pregnancy for self-promotion. By the way, why aren’t you wearing your Skinny Girl branded poncho I ordered for you?”

Sonja: “So I called you here today because I want to feel better about my FUPA. And now that I’ve looked at you, I do! Now excuse me. I have to have sex with Carlos, the battery specialist at RadioShack.”

“Hey bro.”
“Whatup bro.”

“Listen to this one. She thinks she knows how to throw an ice skating party. Let me tell you something: I know how to throw an ice skating party. We find a rink, get some cocktail weenies, and cover the ice in the most beautiful ZAAAARIN FAAAAABRIC possible. Done.”

“Bobby, why don’t you tell us about Zarin fabrics?”
Bobby: “Well…”
Jill: “It’s a wonderful store full of many wonderful fabrics — the sort of fabrics you’d use to maybe sew a quilt with. Like a baby’s quilt. Maybe Bethenny would want one since she is pregnant. Or so I hear. I only know what I see in the press, and the fact that she doesn’t keep something like this private is beyond words. Beyond! So wrong that she should keep her mouth shut? FEH! What were we talking about? I forgot to Twittah!!”

“I’m going to lead by example and show Ramona how a mature adult acts at a public function, even if the public function is an idiotic attempt at self-promotion. I mean, look at these photos. She calls this a good look? FEH!”

“Guys, I have a message from Bethenny, and I don’t want you to shoot the messenger. Okay, are you ready for it??”

“I really want to make sure that you’re ready for it. This is a special delivery.”

“I mean, it’s a special delivery in addition to the wine that Bethenny sent. So, some would say this is a second delivery. But let it be known: this is a delivery.”

“I mean, this isn’t LITERALLY a delivery. I have nothing from FedEx. Were any of you expecting a FedEx? Because I don’t think they deliver right now.”

“Anyway, the point is that I have something to say. You may like it. You may not.”

“I mean, you might not like it at first but then grow to love it. Or you might feel apathetic about it. I don’t know.”

“But Bethenny wanted me to tell you…”


“…it’s very important to know…”


“In so many words…”

“To make a long story short…”


“It’s just that…”

“In the grand scheme of things…”

“It’s been expressed that…”
“Bethenny hates you and says she never wants to talk to you again and thinks you’re the WORST.”

“Bethenny said she’s done with me? How could she even say that!?! Only I’m allowed to say that!”

“Woof! I like bitches but not THESE bitches! WOOF!”

What did you think about the episode? Is there anyone redeeming left? Sonja?

10 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Okay, So ALL These Women Are Awful”

  1. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Alex needs to rethink her makeup.
    She’s just a purple suit away from looking just like the Joker.

  2. Whoever made that point about Alex’s makeup is spot on. Alex always claims to be high and mighty but she’s just as catty and mean as the rest of them.

  3. Alex’s message delivery totally reminded me of Bon Barker on the price is right. You know, right before you find out if you win or lose he stalls just to make you crazy.

  4. This show reminds me of high school, and not in a good way. All of these women belong in the mean girls group.
    But, it is fun to watch.

  5. So I once had a substitute teacher who was from Brooklyn, and she had a distinct “lower-middle” look about her, and she had this sweater with huge pompom balls hanging from the collar on strings, and I thought “how strange, maybe they dress like that there.” So then this fake, bald, semi-toothless “psychic” puts her JC Penney coat on, and hell if it doesn’t have those same weird pompom balls on strings, only this time they’re made of fur, or some facsimile of fur.

    Mean? Yes, but she’s a ripoff artist…and she’s on Real Housewives, and she’s not particularly smart or convincing, so she’s fair game.

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