The Many Google Accomplishments of B-Side Blog

Apropos of nothing, it’s time for some self-congratulatory action here on B-Side Blog. I decided to check out some of my Google stats last night and discovered some very interesting information. For example, I’ve crowed for a while about the fact that this site is often the number one search result for the term “Big Brother Sex” (no easy feat with over 35.5 million results), but did you know that it’s also number one for “DC housewives” and more importantly “24 is awesome”? The truth is it’s quite surprising how high in the rankings good ol’ B-Side Blog lands (PAY ATTENTION, ADVERTISERS).
More amusing discoveries after the jump…

When it comes to old fashioned Googling, this site does particularly well with Hills and Housewives related searches. For instance, B-Side Blog is tops for “Stacie from the hills” (higher than MTV. Heh), and more amusingly, this blog is also numero uno for those looking up the term “Heidi Montag destroys face.” I couldn’t be prouder.
Oddly enough, this is also the top result for “kim kardashian kissing a girl,” which is not anything I’ve ever written about, but I welcome the achievement. I also am greatly pleased that my site comes in at #2 for the search “dead celebrities with beards” (I have yet to figure that one out) and “John Mayer crotch.” And let’s be honest. When you think of John Mayer’s crotch, you think of B-Side Blog.
In a bit of divine retribution, B-Side Blog is also the second result for “24 hour fitness customer service,” which conveniently directs readers to my giant screed against the company for screwing me over thanks to a clerical error on their part. I like to think that I may have steered many potential customers to other gyms. REVENGE!!!
Happily, this site does quite well with television searches, hitting #3 with “NBC attacks Conan,” #2 with “jersey housewives” (ahem, BRAVO), and #1 with “Jersey Shore creep.” I’m pretty proud of that last one; although, I’m most proud of being the #8 search term for “Gail Simmons breasts.” Bless her heart.
Best of all though, if one were to Google the phrase “awful people,” guess who’s number one? That’s right. ME. B-Side Blog is the number one Awful People result. Those are the sort of bragging rights one fights for.
As much fun as web searches are, image searches are where things get really interesting. I was somewhat shocked last night when I discovered that my site is number one for Michaele Salahi (a.k.a one half of the White House party crashing duo). Why me over, say, CNN is a mystery. Similarly, this site also pops up first for “Alaska Airlines,” which is also surprising as one might think — oh, I don’t know — Alaska Airlines might be number one.
Amusingly, B-Side Blog also claims the top spot for three dubious distinctions: “Fergie Old,” “Sandra Lee Tablescapes,” and “kobe earthquake.” Should Danielle from Real Housewives of New Jersey decide to look up her mugshot, she’d discover that this site is also number one (woohoo!), and should Jill Zarin do a search for “Zarin,” she too would find this site first. Everyone say hi to Jill (or my high school friend Calvin Zarin, who might similarly be Googling his last name). Intriguingly enough, this site is also the first image result for “beautiful muscles,” but unfortunately for those seeking such things out, they’ll merely be brought to a picture of Jessie from Big Brother (who for the record I never said had beautiful muscles).
Nevertheless, I’m most pleased to report that B-Side Blog is the #3 result for “Kim Zolciak crotch” (Mom would be so proud). For those seeking images of Britney Spears or just a pasty Briton, the site also comes in at #3 for “brit,” which is sort of random. More random is that anyone looking for an image of Chris Brown’s house will see my site as the fourth result.
In sporting news, B-Side Blog chalks up the fifth result (and first actual photo) for the term “baseball diamond.” This one makes me cheese out a little bit because it’s for an actual photo that I snapped, and I always really liked it quite a bit. I even framed it and put it on my wall. I’m glad to see the Google bots like it as much as I do.

Meanwhile, I don’t know what this says about B-Side Blog or any latent misogyny I may have, but this site is the number six image result for the term “fucking bitch” and number eight for “women bending over.” On the plus side, it’s also #8 for Costas Mandylor; so there’s that.
Curiously enough, B-Side Blog is also the eighth result for the term “pointy nipples” — and I know you’re all searching that — and #14 for “hot mess,” which is kind of cool. And despite a distinct lack of man flesh, this site ranks relatively highly with terms such as “naked sexy men” (#13), “Andy whitfield nude” (#16), and “Boner” (#35). Regarding Andy Whitfield, I’ve never even written about the guy; so I have no idea why my site even turns up in the search, but hey, if it brings me traffic, I’m all for it.
Oh, and for the record, this site is the tenth image search result for “Jersey Shore uncensored” and “Real housewives” (the latter search brings up over two million results); so once again, advertisers, you might want to recognize. I’m shameless, aren’t I?
Here’s to hoping for more random and scandalous search terms in the coming months…