This week’s installment of The Real Housewives of Orange County was all about testing the boundaries (hence the episode title, “No Boundaries”). First, we had Gretchen’s friend pushing the limits of proper etiquette by allegedly flirting with Alexis’s husband (but who wouldn’t, right ladies? Right??), and then we had Lynne’s daughter Alexa full on challenging her parents to establish any sort of boundaries whatsoever. In between, there was some general cattiness on the Gretchen/Tamra front — as well as some questionable declarations by Vicki about being a nicer person — but nothing terribly compelling. The real heart and soul of the episode were the various trials and tribulations of Alexis and Alexa, the latter of whom actually provided some fascinating TV.

In terms of Alexis, it was the standard crazy wife spiel. At a raucous Tupperware party hosted by Gretchen, some lady named Mel apparently had leaned in too close to Jim — a big no-no in the world of Alexis. Within seconds, the busty born-again swooped in and commenced a lengthy tirade about proper etiquette, noting that one doesn’t flirt with a married man. Sadly, the cameras caught none of the offending behavior; so we were unable to pass judgment on the situation ourselves, but one thing is for sure — Alexis was not about to let any competition get close to her man. Why? Well, for starters, she’s clearly massively insecure about her husband’s ability to stay faithful. Let’s not forget a few episodes ago when Alexis proclaimed a need to stay in top shape, lest her husband’s eyes wander elsewhere, leading to infidelity and ultimately divorce.
Clearly this outburst was an extension of Alexis’s deepest fears because let’s face it: the best way to keep the hubby from straying is to keep temptation at bay. This all, of course, assumes that Mel (or any lady) finds Jim appealing. Thankfully, one of Gretchen’s friends piped up with the most salient observation of all when she exasperatedly declared that Jim wasn’t even attractive in the FIRST place. Sure, I suppose some women might go for him — you know, the ones with daddy issues who like a man to be condescending and dismissive and ever so slightly chauvinist — but I can’t imagine he has widespread appeal amongst the fairer sex.
Nevertheless, Jim let his wife and Mel bark at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Slade of all people informed him that it was time to put an end to the situation. The two men (and I use the term loosely) finally meandered over to the women and patronizingly separated them, with Jim informing Alexis that they were now going home. It all felt a bit disturbing and Mad Men (and not in a good way), but hey, I’m not gonna lie: watching Alexis get into a tizzy was great fun. And she did need to shut up after a while.
Elsewhere in the county, parents of the year Lynne and Frank endured yet another dramatic saga with their rebellious daughter Alexa. Formerly the good one, she’s now taken to being both a drama queen and a troublemaker, staying out after her curfew, disobeying her parents, and freely admitting that she wants to misbehave.
Frank and Lynne, meanwhile, were left with nothing to do but fume at their daughter’s delinquency, often announcing just how MAD and FRUSTRATED they were at her. By the time Alexa ambled into the house forty-two minutes after her curfew (on a night when she was told to stay in anyway), I was ready for Lynne to finally snap and yell at her problem child. Instead, we got a whole lot of quiet, mopey, “disappointment” from the parents — the kind that let Alexa know she could pretty much get away with anything. And this wasn’t conjecture. She happily told us that her parents never ground her, and they don’t really ever get too mad at her. It’s not like she doesn’t want that. Alexa even said she wanted to see her parents put their foot down and truly discipline her, but methinks that day is far, far away.
Nevertheless, I can’t say that teenage drama is a subject matter I’m always seeking out, but this battle between parents and daughter proved to be surprisingly fascinating to me — at least ten times more fascinating than the second half of Atlanta and its manufactured arguments. Nice to see that even on a show like this, we can still get real drama.
And now, the photocap:

Lynne: “Alexa, we are so mad at you.”
Frank: “So mad.”
“I’m sorry, was that harsh? I’m sorry baby.”
“Yeah, we’re sorry. Don’t be mad.”
“We love you!”

“Alexa, there’s something you should know. I’m joining a Captain & Tennille Tribute band.”

“You don’t even understand! Like yesterday, you asked me if I wanted some orange juice, and I don’t even LIKE orange juice! Well, I like it a little bit, but I had already had some that morning. You don’t even PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!”

In an unexpected turn of events, Jeana makes her triumphant return.

“Listen, you stay away from my man. Just because I dress like Blanche Devereaux doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass!”

“She was talking all crazy, Jim. Evolution this, evolution that. As if I’m to believe that we came from monkeys. PSSSHHAAA.”

“Alexis, you may want to sit on another bench. This one’s about to get very hot, on account of me being the HOT housewife. Do you feel the heat? Because I’m burning up. My hotness is taking over the bench. This is turning into quite the HOT bench. Soon people will call it the Tamra bench because the bench is so HOT.”

“Look, bitch. I don’t care if you look like a Simpsons character, I wasn’t hitting on your ugly ass husband. I have standards.”
“You’re an atheist, aren’t you?”

“Honey, pass me your monocle. I’m doing my Eustace Tilley impersonation again.”

Alexis: “It’s so nice to get out and play tennis. Jim only allows me forty minutes each day to do what I want. We’re very traditional.”

“OMG, how awful is Alexa?”
“She is the worst!”
“She’s worse than you Raquel, and you were pretty goddamn terrible!”
“As a Youthologist, I feel I should say something: your daughter is totally fucked up. Don’t bother fixing her. Let’s just go get some mojitos somewhere.”

Frank: “Is it bad that I’m wildly attracted to you right now?”

“Seriously guys, we don’t ALL have to sit on the couch.”

“Vicki, please don’t touch me. I beg of you. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

Gretchen: “We’re just looking at the horses. Hey, where’s Vicki? Hooo-hahahaha! HOOO-HAHAHAH!!! HOOOOOO-HHAAAAAHAAAAHHAAAA!!!!”

“Hope you have your protective gear on, Lynne, because there’s a whole lot of HOTNESS coming into your house, on account of me, the HOT housewife!”

“Hey look everyone. I’m gonna go hit on Jim! Oh wait, no I’m not. Because he’s BUTT UGLY. Hooo-hahahaha! HOOO-HAHAHAH!!! HOOOOOO-HHAAAAAHAAAAHHAAAA!!!!”

What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on Alexis snapping at that girl? And what about Lynne and Frank and their daughter? And did anyone see the commercial with Gretchen and Brett from America’s Most Smartest Model?

6 replies on “HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Parents Just Don't Understand”

  1. Alexis is out of her damn mind. If the other woman were being flirtatious it was up to Jim to end it or she could have discreetly pulled him away. Instead she just showed herself to be jealous and insecure, just what men love! And, really, who would hit on Jim. If Ed Hardy opened a mega church, he would be the pastor. He is the poster boy for self righteous douchiness and the only thing he has going for him is his wallet. I still don’t get how, if they have such firm Christian morals, there’s so much cause to worry about him cheating.
    Alexa is going to continue getting away with murder because she can outsmart her parents. I recognized a move from the playbook of my teenage years – when you’re about to get in trouble, turn it on your parents and act hurt because they don’t give you enough attention. Lynn is too vapid to parent, but she means well. Alexa needs a beat down, but nobody in that family is going to administer it unless the dachshund takes charge.

  2. “Jeana made her triumphant return” LMAO You are so bad.
    I actually felt a little bad for Frank and Lynne. They aren’t “bad” parents they just can’t take control of the situation and deal with that god awful daughter of theirs. They seem afraid of making her mad at them. Sorry Frank and Lynne your kids are not always going to like you and you should not have waited until the kid was 17 before starting disciplining her. When the little brat ran off after her mom told her not to leave the house, they should have went and got her and brought her home no matter how embarrassing it would have been for her. The need to fire the youthologist and get Super Nanny.
    Alexis & Jim continues to make me hate them more every week.

  3. I wonder if PastorJim lets Alexis cash her own paycheck.
    Hard to believe that I am now on Team Vicki/Donn. How did this happen? I guess I am just a sucker for Pagans.

  4. Hahaha I thought I was THE ONLY ONE who knew who Brett from America’s Most Smartest Model was…and I thought they were having a second season. WTF!

  5. SuperNanny needs to move in with Lynn’s family and give the whole group a crash course on parenting and how stupid you look when you’re a spoiled brat on tv. Shame on the parents for letting both girls act the way they do.

  6. i have no sympathy for frank and lynne since they bit gretchen’s head off for being concerned. although she should have known better than to get herself involved in their permanently stoned family. frank and lynne are the ones walking around telling anyone who’ll listen that they know how to parent and alexa is a great kid.

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