TOP CHEF PHOTOCAP: Going For Gold

The stakes for last night’s Top Chef: Las Vegas episode were so high, it’s hard to imagine the casting directors ever seriously thought half the contestants this season could ever viably compete in it. In what proved to be one of the most imposing challenges ever, the cheftestants had to participate in a scaled down version of the Bocuse d’Or, which is basically like the culinary Olympics of classic French cooking. This meant impeccable dishes served with flawless (and creative) presentation. And just because this wasn’t the real event didn’t mean there wasn’t a heart-thumping array of judges. Bravo served up a doozy of tasters, including Daniel Boulud, so-and-so Bocuse (son of Mr. Bocuse, who founded the Bocuse d’Or), and the one and only Thomas Keller — one of the most revered chefs in America and the world. Gulp. Between Keller and Robuchon earlier this season, Top Chef: Las Vegas has spared no ounce of culinary star power this go-around.

Maybe that’s why I chuckled slightly when I stopped and watched the opening credits last night for the first time in several weeks. There amidst the Voltaggios and Kevin and Jen and everyone else was our old friend Eve, that kooky chef from Michigan who was woefully out of her league right from the very start. I loved her dearly, but she couldn’t hang with this cast, especially on this season. Could we even imagine her presenting at this faux Bocuse d’Or? Not at all. That may be the inherent flaw with Top Chef these days: the elite contestants are just so significantly more equipped for the show that it seems brutally unfair. True, some heavy hitters went down early this season, but c’mon, from the get-go, we’ve known exactly who would be going to the finals: Jen, Michael, Bryan, and Kevin. I mean, why even bother bringing the caterers and self-taught cooks on the show anymore (then again, Carla last season made it all the way to the end, and I suppose we can’t overlook Robin who was thisclose to competing in the Bocuse d’Or — oh what a wonderful trainwreck that would have been).
Nevertheless, talent issues be damned, this episode was great fun, even if we knew from the beginning that Eli was the next one to go. Heck, we knew as soon as last week’s episode was over. There’s just no way he could rise to the finals above the other four chefs. It was somewhat surprising he even got as far as he did. For all the grief that Robin received, it’s not like Eli was doing so hot for the first half of the season either (although, I’m sure he is better than Robin, even if he is a total tool to her). I suppose I just have it out for Eli — ever since he lumbered through Restaurant Wars with that awful untucked shirt and blazer combo, I’ve kind of hated him thoroughly (for admittedly shallow and unreasonable reasons).
Anyway, Eli’s borderline raw lamb sent him whimpering back to mom and dad’s with a one way ticket out of the competition. Kevin, meanwhile, managed to win this week’s challenge by focusing on the quality of his food instead of the presentation. It was a gutsy move, especially since he used cooking techniques that he was unfamiliar with, but he pulled it off, and earned not only $30,000, but also a spot on next year’s Bocuse d’Or team. Impressive indeed. Score one for wood sprites and hobbits the world around!
And now the photocap:

Failed ’90s boyband Surf ‘n’ Turf.

Eli: “This is a play on a fried egg inside a bacon-crusted breakfast sausafe.”
Padma: “It’s a shame my dear friend Gail Simmons couldn’t be here for this. She just adores eggs. But unfortunately, she required emergency dental surgery after biting into one of our Bocuse d’Or medals. She thought it was a Peppermint Patty, bless her heart.”

“What’s that about Gail? She tried to bite a gondolier at the Venetian? Poor thing must have thought he was a giant candy cane, bless her heart.”

Gavin: “I really liked this one.”
Padma: “Yes, me too. It’s so wonderful having you as a guest judge. Normally my dear friend Gail Simmons just up and eats it all before we can discuss anything, bless her heart.”

“Hmmm… what would Frodo like?”

“I’m overwhelmed with excitement. Overwhelmed. Can’t you tell?”

“Sam? Sam? Where is Samwise Gamgee???”

Fish: “GAAH. Tell my three thousand kids I love them! GAAAAH!!!”

Padma: “Ladies and gentlemen, please follow me to the dining room. Please note that there’s a handrail along the wall in case you get winded, Gail.”

“Hello, everyone. I’ve arrived.”

“Bitch.”

“Bonjour!”

“Well, if it’s flowery handwriting they want, then it’s flowery handwriting THEY’LL GET!”

Made entirely of chocolate!

“Congratulations, Kevin. Be strong as you prepare for your next battle: a fight to the death with Dark Lord SAURON!”

“Each one of you had dishes with serious flaws. Don’t get me wrong — Gail still ate all our leftovers, but of course, when doesn’t she do that? Am I right? Am I right? Bless her heart.”

“Thank you so much, Eli, for everything. And be sure to give Gail a hug when you get to her. The hotel banned her from the minibar this afternoon; so she’s feeling particularly glum, bless her heart.”

What did you think about the episode? Happy with the final four? Did Eli deserve to go home? Who’s gonna get chopped next? Who do you think will win?