The best part about this season of The Hills? It just makes The City all that more fun to watch. And people, you should be watching. The City trails The Hills in ratings, and that’s just not right. The show is awesome! Finally, a series with REAL professionals (albeit in fake situations) with ambition and life goals and a pre-MTV history of competence that makes me giddy. Front and center is Kelly Cutrone, who when she first burst onto The Hills scene a few seasons ago was kind of like the worst ever. Funny how things change. Now she’s the BEST ever, mostly because she almost always puts the girls in their place the way we so desperately want to. But even more than that, she actually is (gasp) loving and nurturing and totally on top of her shit — a rarity in reality TV. Yes, she may look like death half the time, but damn I love the sight of Kelly. It always means fun times await.

Kelly’s not the only noteworthy supporting character this season. Joe Zee from Elle is also a shining star in his own right in the fashion world (let’s not forget his contributions to the criminally overlooked reality show, Stylista). Yes, it does seem implausible that he’d be okay with Olivia’s questionable work ethic, but hey, it’s a TV show. We need Erin and Olivia locking horns; so I’m willing to overlook that fakery.
Speaking of Erin, she too lands in the Smart category. She speaks with conviction (not to mention a whirlwind speed), and her discussions with Joe Zee reveal what appears to be true proficiency at her position. Unlike other “employees” on these shows (cough, Audrina, cough, Whitney), Erin seems like she really DOES work at her job — not merely showing up when the cameras are around.
The same can’t be said of Olivia, whose socialite pedigree comes through in spades. She really does reek of entitlement, but man, is she great to watch. And while she does seem incapable of taking direction politely or effectively, I do like her authoritative style. Her interaction with the illegal handbag vendor was an amazing clash of two worlds, but even more striking was the way she barked out orders to him. If you didn’t know her, you’d think Olivia was on top of her game. Too bad she’s not.
And bonus points go to Olivia for her attempts to procure the knockoff handbags incognito. As if she didn’t stick out like a sore thumb as it was, her constant caginess during the process — swiveling her head back and forth, keeping an eye out for the Fuzz — made her look so obviously guilty of a crime that I’m shocked she didn’t stand on a crate and yell “I’M BUYING ILLEGAL DESIGNER HANDBAG KNOCKOFFS RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT!!!!”
Well, Olivia certainly did well in the handbag department, but she forgot to find all sorts of other accessories, drawing the ire of Erin, who once again felt she’d been undermined by Olivia’s laziness. Joe Zee, however, seemed a-ok with it, which was odd, but again, I’m sure he’s been contractually obligated to take Olivia’s side whenever possible.
Meanwhile, over at the People’s Revolution, Roxy started her first day in the pressure pit by mocking her co-workers and their general indifference to her arrival. Always a great way to win the people over. She then boasted about how easily it would be for her to excel at the company, noting that she and Kelly were basically the same person (give or take a few orthodontic issues). Well, Roxy was thrown into the fire immediately. First she had to drive Kelly’s much-scorned Ford (I was expecting like a Taurus, and it was a full on SUV), and then she had to help out at a photo shoot, along with Whitney, who was in charge of bringing clips.
WELL. Disaster struck early when Whitney forgot the aforementioned essential clips, causing Kelly to bark passive-aggressive remarks the rest of the day. When Whitney at one point cooed that the model looked great, Kelly snapped back something to the effect of “You’re just saying that because you forgot the clips.” BAM!
Roxy, meanwhile, made her first mistake when she approached the client directly and offered up a suggestion to improve the shoot. It turned out to be a good idea, and the initiative earned her brownie points. But not clearing it with Kelly first? To quote Julia Roberts: Big mistake. Big! HUGE!
Kelly first made a small remark to Roxy indicating that such breaches of etiquette were not appreciated, and the next day, she full-on laid into her — doing the whole “You’ve been doing this five minutes. I’ve been doing this twenty-two years” thing. It was, in short, awesome. Oh, and Whitney got a reaming too, courtesy of those forgotten clips. The only difference was that by the time Kelly had waltzed away, Whitney was left trembling while Roxy — the kinky masochist that she is —was smiling. At least Kelly liked the initiative!
I’m not sure how this season will play out, but something tells me Roxy’s gonna get a promotion before Whitney, and then all hell’s gonna break loose. In the meantime, here are photos:

Erin: “Olivia is a total failure. She only picked two outfits, didn’t get multiple sizes, and left us with basically nothing for the segment.”
Joe: “So… we should keep her.”
“No, she’s awful. Totally incompetent and completely bitchy.”
“So… we should give her a raise.”
“NO! You have to get rid of her.”
“So… she stays.”
“So… we buy her a present. What? I’m trying to work with you here.”

“Joe, you can try to talk faster than me, but it won’t work.”
Joe: “Well, I think–“
“Won’t work.”
“Not necess–“
“I think–“

“Look at all these LAME-O’s all around us. Am I right? Am I right? Oh, present company excluded, sweetie.”

“So Roxy, don’t fuck up my car. It’s a Ford, and I need it looking nice for when I store animal carcasses in the back seat.”

“UGH… no one told me there’d be sunlight. Whitney, carry me to my crypt. NOW!”

Roxy: “I think that maybe the model should be topless. That would be edgy.”
“Have you ever tried apfelstrudel? It’s REALLY good.”
“You’re no help to me.”

“I was thinking that maybe you could take off the model’s shirt? That might make it edgier. But who am I? Just the daughter of two Hollywood LEGENDS! Ken Olin? Patricia Wettig? Anyone? Anyone?”

“Joe Zee, I just read the most amazing thing. Do you know that there are actual stamps in the world that can be used to purchase food? Who knew!”

“Get me this bag, this bag, this bag, and oooh — what’s that black one? It looks very vivid.”
“That’s my thumb.”
“I’ll take that too.”

Olivia: “Sir, can you hurry up? I’m uncomfortable holding tissue paper in public.”

Joe Zee: “OOOH, I love THIS! Where did you get it?”
Olivia: “A black man sold it to me. Have you ever spoken to one of them? They’re very nice. Well, for a black.”

Erin: “Once again, Olivia totally dropped the ball. She only got handbags, not belts or bracelets or watches or any other accessories. Now my hands are totally tied. She’s a total failure!”
“I know, isn’t she great! Let’s give her a corner office.”

“Whitney, you ever forget the clips again, I’m gonna fucking punch you in the face. And Roxy, you ever go around my back again, I’m gonna fucking punch you in the face too. I’m the head bitch around here, and if any of you little bitches try to out-bitch the momma bitch, you’re gonna get a bitch punch in the bitch face. Now in other news, who here watched Glee last night? Don’t you just LOVE it?”

What did you think about this episode? How are you enjoying this season? And when do you think Olivia and Whitney will intersect again?

6 replies on “THE CITY PHOTOCAP: The Clip Show”

  1. Kelly is what a goth kid looks like at 50.
    She’s actually not ugly, but she loves to look haggardly. If she did her hair and applied a little makeup it might soften the angry anemic look.
    It’s like she woke up on the wrong side of the coffin or something.

  2. I love how Erin wears two completely different looks at all times. She’s the Twoface of Reality TV. (Batman reference. Google it)

  3. I thought Olivia did pretty good getting the purses, but obviously it was set up since the dude was wearing a microphone. I would have liked to see her go behind a fake wall and make some deals.
    Loved the Kelly smack down on Roxy and Whitney. It didn’t even seem to phase Roxy.
    Erin is my new favorite too.
    Keep it coming City.

  4. “What’s that black one? It’s very vivid.”
    “That’s my thumb.”
    OMG. DEAD.
    I think Olivia’s gorgeous. While it’s clear that Erin has skills and Olivia is just an entitled bitch, I can’t help but wonder if her immediate distate for her had anything to do with her flowing locks and symmetrical face. Erin kind of looks like a stroke victim.

  5. This actually seems kinda realistic. When I was an intern I had to go around to scary places in the city to test out metrocard machines in the Bronx and try to buy toy guns in Brooklyn….

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