Once again, Kelly Cutrone has totally stolen another episode of The City. Who would have thought a woman of a certain age with a few lines on her face and certainly no makeup could be a standout star on MTV? Well, hell has frozen over because season two of The City is all about Kelly. Sure, Whitney’s travails are blandly entertaining, and Roxy’s sly undermining is delicious fun, and the rivalry between Olivia and Erin is pure gold, but ultimately, what gets the adrenaline pumping is watching Kelly simply LAY INTO these aspiring working girls. Just as it was last week, it felt like Monday’s episode was merely a long, suspenseful build-up to Kelly’s inevitable and appropriate tongue-lashing, and boy was it worth it.
The shenanigans began when Whitney brought some sketches into work to show Kelly. She made the egregious mistake of showing them to Roxy first, who smiled insincerely and told her that she really loved them all! Well, all of them except for one, which she insisted reminded her too much of a couch. This was then followed by the two girls saying “Couch” back and forth to each other for what felt like ten minutes. Literally, it was bordering on some sort of strange neo-Dadaist performance art. Couch. Couch. Couch. Couch. Nevertheless, once Whitney had wrapped her mind around the concept of her pseudo-sofa dress, she took the sketches into Kelly’s office where the mama hen trained her eyes on them to give her official opinion. Turns out her thoughts weren’t that different from Roxy’s â€”Â the only difference was that when Kelly dismissed an item, it was about ten times more entertaining. Her casual rejection of the couch dress â€”Â something along the lines of “Can we say goodbye to this one?” â€” caused me to cackle for really no other reason than the fact that I’m endlessly amused by Lady Cutrone. Ah, but the best was yet to come.
You see, after Whitney’s powwow with her boss â€” who warned her to NOT show the sketches to anyone â€”Â she and Roxy and Samantha had a lovely lunch where Rox insisted that Whit show Sammy the drawings. After all, Sam worked at Bergdorf Goodman, and her boss was a super important buyer for the ritzy department store. Seemed like a perfect networking opportunity.
But of course, there was Kelly Cutrone’s voice ringing in our heads: don’t show the sketches to anyone, Whitney! Don’t show them! Heed the advice of Kelly Cutrone! But if Whitney did that, there’d be no show; so what did she do? She met with Samantha’s boss, who eyed the sketches for a few seconds before suppressing a laugh and patronizingly telling Whitney, “Let’s sit down for a moment.” Not good.
Basically, what the woman told Whitney was that she doesn’t deal with sketches. She deals with photos. Of finished products. But before Whit-Whit’s puppy-dog eyes could fill with tears, the lady offered some generically encouraging words â€”Â great potential, lots of promise, etc. etc.. In other words, epic fail.
Well, Whitney returned to the People’s Revolution, and there was Kelly, waiting at a desk, barely containing her rage. Turns out she got a call from Bergdorf Goodman about this little meeting, and she was livid. I swear, I thought she was gonna leap across the room and wring Whitney’s neck. The problem, she explained to Whitney, was that NO ONE BRINGS SKETCHES TO BERGDORFS! Whitney shrugged it off and said she thought she had nothing to lose, causing Kelly to nearly pull her hair out as she reminded Whitney there was something to lose: HER REPUTATION. Oh, it was brilliant. Even more brilliant was when Whitney noted that Roxy was on board with the Bergdorf plan. This truly sent Kelly through the roof as she questioned why Whitney would listen to anything a girl who just fell off the turnip truck would have to say. Thank you, Kelly. Thank you for speaking on our behalf. Ultimately, Kelly warned Whitney, saying that perhaps Roxy might not always be thinking of her best interests, and specifically, when it comes to career advice, maybe Whitney shouldn’t listen to that bitch AT ALL. Huh. That’s a novel idea. Let’s hear it for brains on a reality show!
Elsewhere around town, we had another round of Olivia vs. Erin, which is always a wonderful sight to behold. This time around, Joe Zee was planning an A to Z spread, with each letter representing a trend or some silliness like that. After Erin complained breathlessly about Olivia yet again, Joe insisted that this spread was gonna be the ultimate test. It was his baby, and if Olivia messed it up, there would be hell to pay. I don’t know what sort of wrath Joe Zee could have, but I’m sure it’s nothing more than a few shrugs and a moan. And maybe a smile.
Either way, Olivia was on her own this week. She had to find twenty-six accessories, and as she trekked around the city, Erin happily waited back at the homefront, knowing that her rival would surely flub the assignment yet again. But lo! Olivia brought back a treasure trove of photos, and while Joe wasn’t too impressed at first, he ultimately began gushing (well, let’s face it. He gushes over everything â€”Â sunshine, sporks, errant flotsam in the Hudson). Much to Erin’s dismay, she had to sit there and smile begrudgingly as Olivia received praise from the big man. Advantage: O-town. (that’s what I’m calling Olivia now. I just made it up. Well, I made the reference up. The band O-Town has been around for like ten years. Although, they’re disbanded. What am I talking about again? Oh yeah. Olivia.)
Anyway, onto the photocap:
“Joe, she’s a complete failure. She can’t do anything right. She’s messed up two assignments already, and quite frankly I’m starting to think she has fewer brain cells than anything in this bread basket.”
“Don’t you just love that bread basket though? It’s a total superstar.”
“Yes, but what I’m saying is that I’m having to pick up all the slack for this girl, and it’s honestly not my place to do this.”
“Wait, going back to the bread basket. You realize that bread doesn’t have brain cells, right?”
“I know. That was the point of the joke.”
“Oh I see. I like that joke. That joke was a total superstar.”
“Whitney, I LOVE these designs. Except for this one. It feels like couch.”
“These look great, Whit. Just whatever you do, don’t show these to anyone. No one. Especially any buyers at Bergdorf Goodman, should that unlikely meeting ever occur, which it probably won’t. But just sayin’.”
Olivia: “Listen, Mark Badgley, you may be a renowned designer, but if you can’t do your job, then maybe you should step aside and let someone else do it for you. I’m a very direct woman. If I do not get what I want, I will fire you all on the spot and replace you with a board that does approve.”
“Sorry, Mark. She’s new. And she likes Dynasty.”
“Hey Whitney, why don’t you show your designs to Samantha’s boss? You know, maybe ruin your career a little bit?”
“I just really like hanging out in fabric stores. It makes me feel like cloth. And I like cloth.”
“Whitney, how can I phrase this? Your sketches are… THE WORST THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.”
“If we weren’t on TV, I’d take that orange bag behind me and STRANGLE YOU with it.”
“Hi everyone! I’m here to fail upward!”
“Wow, Olivia. You’re really a superstar! Great job! Can I have my money now, MTV?”
What did you think about the episode? How are you liking the season so far?