HILLS PHOTOCAP: Holly's an Alcoholic!

I’m happy to report that last night’s episode of The Hills was GOOD. It was everything we want from the show — silly scenarios, embarrassing moments, and some cutting humor. The latter was provided by Kristin’s dad, whose cameo consisted of him making fun of Brody and his vanity any chance that he could. I’m not gonna lie — I was laughing at all his jokes. Now I see where Kristin gets it.
Kristin, as it turns out, had gone back down to Laguna to recharge with dad and the stepmom, who had little to offer beyond some cooing noises and pleasant smiles. Our heroine needed to recharge after the non-events in her fake life became too fake taxing for her fake existence. When Kristin returned to her Malibu home, who was there but Justin Bobby, cooking dinner. How he could just march into this house was beyond me, but I suppose like any good hobo, he can sneak into unwatched areas quite easily. Anyway, Justin Bobby served Kristin up some food, and it appeared as though she had forgiven him for his previous transgressions (booo). This was evidenced by the fact that after the meal, they were so eager to DO IT that Kristin didn’t even bother taking in the dishes from outside. Let’s just hope she moves through this dirtbag phase quickly…
Later, Kristin wound up at Brody’s apartment for a benign yet unnecessary conversation about Jayde and her tempestuous ways. This was the producers’ way of suggesting that these former lovahs might be rekindling their romance, but let’s face it — that ship has sailed.

Speaking of romance, the ongoing saga of Justin Bobby and Audrina continued as Audy spent the entire episode proclaiming her newfound independence and emancipation from Justin… only to end the show by meeting with him at the Thompson Hotel in an effort to “break the ice.” He once again fucked with her purdy little brain, telling her both that he had moved on and that she was still the most amazing person ever. He then chided her for dating his best friend, and in a monumental display of her bold new outlook, Audrina… agreed to not see the dude anymore. Huh? She let Justin call the shots again? Well, so much for independence.
Elsewhere in The Hills universe, Heidi and Spencer finally got an amusing storyline: alcoholism. Yay! Holly, as it turns out, had been hitting the bottle hard of late, and this was best evidenced by her robot-vogue dancing at a Bolthouse party. The poor girl got absolutely savaged by the editing, which made her look like the biggest drunkard moron in pop culture. It’ll be hard to live that one down, especially when the clip resurfaces on The Soup later this week.
Enter Heidi and Stephanie — two model citizens when it comes to alcohol abuse (I believe one got fired for drinking on the job and the other just received a DUI about 72 hours ago). The two girls decided they needed to stage an intervention, and somehow or another, Steph fell out of the plan and Spencer stepped in. The Pratts proceeded to corner Holly — mid margarita — and told her to sober up. It was well-intentioned, but clearly this situation is gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. Can’t wait!
In the meantime, here are photos.

“Seriously, Lo. I hate you. You hate me. Why are we even having these phony lunches?”

“I was just thinking that some apples are red and some are green, and that’s like messed up. How can they still be apples if they’re different colors? I just can’t believe this is all happening while Lauren’s gone.”

Kristin’s dad: “So, still dating douches?”
“Yup!”

Holly: “OMG. We all look the same!”
Heidi: “They’re clones! What a cheap trick.”
Holly: “It’s pod people! I saw that movie!”
Heidi: “I was at the premiere!”
Holly: “Get back! GET BACK!”
Stephanie: “There’s no such thing as pod people? IS THERE?”
Heidi: “You’re not my sister.”
Holly: “And you’re not MY sister!”
Heidi: “Thank GOD!”
Stephanie: “Is she real?”
Holly: “She’s a robot. She wants to kill us and take our places!”
Heidi: “Oh you’ve seen too many movies.”
Stephanie: “Get back. You just get back!”
Holly: “You are such a hick. There’s UFO written all over this thing!”
Stephanie: “You’re probably relatives.”
Heidi: “RELATIVES? How can she be? Listen to her: she’s an imbecile.”
Stephanie: “I really think—“
Heidi: “Quiet. We’re going to go clockwise, starting with me.”
Holly: “Well how come you?”
Heidi: “My God. It’s me with a bad haircut.”
Holly: “[Gasp!] Bad?? I paid twelve bucks for this!”
Stephanie: “I like it. I think if we could all get along–“
Heidi: “STOP IT! Alright. Who are you, and where the HELL do you come from?”
Spencer: “Why are you guys reenacting ‘Big Business?'”
Heidi: “No reason.”

“I’m concerned that Holly drinks too much. Even worse, I’m concerned that she’s not a very good dancer.”

“Listen, you have to talk to your sister. She doesn’t handle her alcohol responsibly at all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go get a DUI.”

“And then there was this one time when Justin Bobby raised his hand in the DMV, and three people passed out. It was SO funny. Hey, let’s call him up and say we want to do a threesome with him, but it’ll really just be me and him, and you’ll be somewhere else.”

“Wow. You’re really pathetic, aren’t you?”

“Hey, there’s a guy with a chainsaw running at me. Could you stop him?”

“That’s ridiculous. Why would there be a guy with a chain– OH MY GOD!!!!”

“GAAHH!!!!”

Justin Bobby: “I hope you like dinner. It’s filet of rat with a side of roasted gravel.”

“Justin Bobby, you smell like cat urine today.”
“Thank you.”

“Holly, we want to talk to you about your drinking.”
“Yeah, isn’t it great???”

“Simply put, you’re just not hot enough to be able to pull the drunk thing off.”

“Okay, I promise to never get drunk again. But don’t hold me to it. I say crazy things when I’m drunk, which I am.”

“So Brody, tell me about your AWFUL girlfriend.”

“I really laahhhhke her. But she is a moody bitch.”

“I just want to tell you that we’re through. But I really like you. But we’re over. And you shouldn’t keep dating whoever you’re dating because I would never do that to you. I mean, I would. But that’s only because I really like you. But we’re through. I’ll never meet someone as good as you though. But I’ve moved on. But I haven’t. So… yeah.”

“He likes me!”

What did you think about the episode?