Today I flew from Los Angeles to New York, and I had the supreme displeasure of being seated directly behind the world’s worst toddler. I knew this kid was bad news way back at Burbank airport when he came running up to me and HID behind my luggage. I don’t like when unruly children with snot dripping from their nose enter my personal area, let alone when they touch my baggage. This was highly upsetting to me. After about twenty seconds, this devil child’s dad (who had body odor, I’d like to add) took him by the hand and led him away WITHOUT EVEN APOLOGIZING TO ME. Imagine my dismay when I discovered I’d be sitting directly behind these awful, awful people on the airplane.
The good news was that the first forty-five minutes of the flight were sublimely quiet and peaceful as Baby was asleep. But then he woke up, and it was hell from that point on. This kid cried and cried and cried and cried. And when he wasn’t crying, he was yelling. And when he wasn’t yelling, he was crying again. The two passengers next to me (both gentlemen of a certain age) made silly faces and googly eyes every time the toddler stuck his dirty face above the seat. I, however, leveled the angriest glare I could summon, hoping that it would somehow scare the boy into silence. It worked once — allowing me ten seconds of relief before the caterwauling started up again. Mostly, however, my icy eyes were met with a giggle of all things, which was in turn followed by more crying. It was horrendous.
Now, I’ve gotten some flack from some readers about how cruel and unsympathetic I am to children, and I’d like to add that I do like a few kids — mainly the ones related to me because THEY have been raised by good parents and therefore are well behaved (props to my brother and sis-in-law). But let me add that this rant comes not from being a hater. No, this rant comes because this child was seriously awful. I can say this because there were other toddlers on the plane who were perfectly benign and lovely. One woman walked her boy up and down the aisle about ten times, but it was fine because he made not a peep. The toddler in front of me, however, was all screaming all the time. You’d think the parents would get the bright idea to similarly walk their kid around the plane to mollify his restlessness, but no, they did no such thing. In fact, they didn’t even take him to the bathroom once the ENTIRE TIME. Poor kid — he probably had shat his pants somewhere over western Colorado and was just begging for new diapers. Either way, whether the child was terrible or merely the parents, I can say that I was most miserable. In fact, the noises became so loud and horrific that I simply had to record them with my webcam. Hence the video above. Check it out to sample ninety seconds of my pain. I defy you to make it to the end of the clip…
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Oh dear… I only came half-way thru the video before wanting to gouge my ear drums out, there’s few things more annoying than the sound of awful, awful kids. Never forget the inflight essentials: wax ear plugs, an iPod and a face mask (+ of course lots of Valium for intercontinentals).
I hear you. Took my almost 9 year old to Hanna Montana at the movies last week, and one kid carried on a treat for the whole movie. It did my head in. I didnt pay 30 bucks (Aus dollars!) to listen to other peoples kids sook. People think its ok coz its a child making the noise – well its not! If they cant behave, or you cannot control them – LEAVE THEM HOME.
Voice of Reason: Shit happens. It sucks, but it happens. Though, if I ever take my kid on a flight I would warn/apologize the moment we sat down to all within 10 seats about the potential for annoyance.
Little kids eardrums pop and often don’t “unpop” and that really hurts and sucks for them. People have to fly x-country with toddlers for many reasons – the only reason we’d do it is for a death in the family or a wedding (though, we left him home for a Seattle wedding last year.)
I never want to be “that parent” and do my damndest not to be, but it will happen someday. Sigh.
After listening to that (and I did make it all the way thru) I say let’s not blame to poor child – blame the parents! Like you said, they never took him to the bathroom, that’s crazy to me, and it really sounds like he’s just miserable, like maybe his ear didn’t pop, like sg-dub mentioned. I feel bad for you, cause it’s hard to listen to that, but I also feel bad for that baby because he seems to have awful parents.
i only made it 40 seconds in. how miserable. i’ve had a really bad run recently of long flights with screaming, crying children. i think the only thing worse than them being directly in front of you is when they are right behind you…and also kick. i’m sure it’s hard to be a parent and all, but i’m always surprised by how totally unconcerned so many of these parents are about their children who are ruining a flight for so many people. it’s almost like they’ve just been numbed to it all. sorry, just because you’ve given up to the histrionics of your little snot rag doesn’t mean we have to endure it too. when will the “no children” section (or flights) finally come to air travel??
Your disgust was so authentic. I laughed out loud at your expense.
Sorry, but seriously this was hilarious
Normally I am right there with you on all your exploits, B, but I have to side with the kid on this one. As a parent, I can tell you there is nothing worse than having your kid cry in public, and you can do nothing to make him stop. That poor babe must have been having ear trouble or stomach trouble or a combination of things, and he was obvioulsy miserable. I agree that the parents should have tried more to soothe him, but there is no way to MAKE a child stop crying. They should have apologized, but I am sure they were mortified and just wanted to disapper into oblivion.
Non-parents are sometimes too quick to judge–no offense. Not all kids and parents can be perfect.
while i think kids should be left at home until they can walk and talk…i have sympathy for the kid because obviously the thing is in distress.
what i do NOT understand however is that most times with kids like this the parents are so passive. yes, i get that parents get used to the noise and crying and whatever, but seriously–if the kid is going on and on and on without any active actions by parents, i sit there stewing.
I love that jash refers to the kid as “the thing.”
I’m on Team B-Side with this one. These parents made no effort to stop the crying. They didn’t even apologize. I know children aren’t predictable and aren’t perfect, but I would be doing everything in my effort to make this kid stop crying if I were its parents. Toys, food, whiskey. It is not fair to the others around this family to submit them to this torture. If I ever have kids, I will dose them with Benadryl before we fly.
Is your collar really popped? That makes me sad.
Usually I would side with you on these matters. After hearing the baby though, he seems to be in pain and I felt sorry for him. Many moons ago I too took a baby across the big pond, and yes she was crying for a while. I apologized to the people next to me and was met with dead silence, death glares and just general unsympathetic behaviour. After that, I was too afraid to make eye contact any more and while I still felt bad for others on the plane, I was too unnerved to make any more attempts of being a good neighbour.
Some times it is out of the control of parents and one must attempt a zen like state and deal:)
We took my son home to Texas for Thanksgiving one year. I think he may have just turned one? I knew he had ear problems, so I asked the pharmacist (who was also a dad, we had chatted off and on when I picked up chick jr.’s meds for ears) if there was something I could do to alleviate the ear problem in the airplane. He also suggested Benedryl. So, before the flight, I drugged my child. Was I comfortable with this? Not really. But were others around us disconvenienced by a screaming child with throbbing ears? No. I think that’s the point.
Courtesy has gone by the wayside with the Me Generation. We now live in the It’s All About Me and Who Cares About You Generation.
Good idea to go ahead an add a set of ear plugs to your carry on B!
Be prepared for the next time…there will most likely be another crying baby in your future until you get a private jet :-9
I think had the parents apologized or shown some sort of empathy for us, that would have been really nice and would have alleviated a lot of the tension. I mean obviously the kid is just reacting to whatever he’s reacting to. I’m just shocked the parents did nothing — NOTHING — beyond rocking him back and forth. Why not walk him around? Take him to the bathroom? They didn’t even say “Shhhhh.” It was pretty horrendous. Also, the dad barely helped. He held the kid once or twice, but it was all on the mom. I know toddlers don’t just turn silent at your command, but seriously, at least try a few methods.
also – steph – fear not. my collar was most certainly not popped. I don’t think it’s even possible with that shirt.
3 words – Noise canceling headphones!!!! I am in absolute bliss when I pop in my Sennheisers, children, loud cell phone talkers, obnoxious “play my music at deafening levels” ipod users are non-existent to me.
Oh thank god.
I thought I heard an “Oh, my God” in there after one squeal. Were other people reacting to this kid?
I want to clarify, first, that I’ve been reading your recaps since you were at TVgasm… so I’m not just a newbie that’s come to judge. 🙂
I have two small children myself (ages 3 and 1), and I’m used to three-year-old tantrums that are WAY worse than that! I have to agree with JoJo — sometimes, even the best parents can’t calm a child who is experiencing pain, discomfort, exhaustion (which they will refuse to give into!), boredom, etc. While I agree that a few methods should have been tried besides just rocking the child — we usually take books, toys, pacifiers, etc. on long trips — you can’t blame the poor kid for whatever is bothering him. Besides, there’s no guarantee that any of these would have worked. Sometimes kids just need to run around to be happy.
I would also like to point out that you can’t always blame the parents, either. Sometimes, even the most well-behaved kids go through stages, and become not so well-behaved for a few months — and the best parents can’t do anything about it, no matter what they try. It happens. Keep in mind that we were all at that tender age once, and I’m sure we weren’t always the picture of perfection. 🙂
Give that baby some xanax and make him shut the hell up!! Wait, then of course his parents would have to find addiction treatment for him. Eh, might be worth it.
Let it be known that I always was and continue to be the picture of perfection.
Umm, scientologist spam..? ^^^^
Two words – Private Jet.
hb
Kids cry, they have tantrums, they can act really nasty sometimes.
“THEY have been raised by good parents and therefore are well behaved (props to my brother and sis-in-law)” – this is crap. EVERY parent has been “that” parent at one point- the one whose kid is out of control. I’m a good parent and my kid doesn’t always behave, in fact about 50% of the time he does not behave and yes, it has even happened in public. I AM a good parent. I’m constantly striving to teach my child how to behave, how to control his emotions, how to not have tantrums on airplanes etc. But he is only child and sometimes he doesn’t care what I say and he does what he wants and comes out in the worst possible way.
My guess as to why the parents were so passive, because they could feel judgment seething through the airplane, maybe even feel the thoughts running through your head that their child is “afwul”. Nice choice of words to describe someone’s kid.
And, honestly, a toddler is hiding behind your suitcase- hmmm, here’s a thought maybe say “peek a boo” and embrace an opportunity to be the village instead of getting annoyed. I know a lot of people agree with everything you’re saying, but I think it’s a sad commentary on the state of our world.
oh geez Jane – do I have to raise your kid for you? What about the rest of the villagers who CHOSE NOT TO HAVE KIDS? Do they have to parent your little rock pickers? Blech, I think the sad commentary is the attititude you and your Oprah army spew forth. Your kid is your kid, and I shouldn’t have to be subjected to their whims, moody behavior and have to tolerate their noise and snot nose intrusions into my personal space. and btw – yes I have two great kids of my own. And NO, I never was embarassed by their public behavior because I raised them to respect others, not just think about their selves.
Kat, I hope if you have more children, you are blessed with a child with autism. It’ll open your eyes to a whole new world that you can teach a child something until you’re blue in the face, but if they can’t organize it and communicate it effectively, it often comes out in the form of unruly behavior. I love getting those judgmental stares from other parents. It truly makes me realize how much I’ve grown as a person from this parenting challenge because I used to be the same way and say the same things you’re saying about raising kids to be perfect angels.
Jane, I understand your ire. However, if you are not a kid-person, you wouldn’t want to play peek-a-boo with a child you don’t know. I have three kids, 9, 7, and 5, and they are very well behaved. But I sure as hell don’t want to entertain someone else’s child when I am at an airport. Those tend to be the kids that don’t leave you alone. The parents should be the ones entertaining their child, especially at a busy airport. I have flown with my children, even at that young of an age, and I learned real fast to pack that bag with as much entertainment crap as I could. So give us all a break-not everyone has kids, not everyone has flown with their kids, and not everyone can tolerate a crying child. Cheers to you, B-Side, for keeping your cool. And hopefully if that family needs to head back to LA, they pack accordingly.
Wow…B did you ever expect to get this much judgement on this subject?
I have two kids (16 and 14) and a 4 year old niece. Yes, kids can be pains in the ass sometimes…however, whenever my kids were crying/whining in public, I DID at least ATTEMPT to keep them quiet.
And don’t worry…. I know a lot of “awful” kids, too. 😉
Does Jane sound overly defensive or what?
I am also not a kid person, b-side, so I completely sympathize with you. I have an especially low tolerence for loud noises (not just kids) so I would have been in agony. Especially don’t like the ones with dirty faces and/or hands who seem to want to share their germs with you and your things. And while I understand you can’t always get them to stop crying, if a parent doesn’t even try… SIGH.
I like kids. I am a kid person. I babysat all through my teen and college years and spent several summers working in daycare.
However, kids crying endlessly on an airplane (or in a restaurant, etc.) drives me crazy. I understand that children are not small adults and their behavior can’t always be controlled, even by attentive parents, and sometimes babies have to fly cross country, too. The only thing I object to is people telling me I shouldn’t be annoyed. IT IS ANNOYING!! If your kid is being noisy in public, yes, I am annoyed, and I’m completely unapologetic about it. Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the difficulty of your situation. So, there you go – Jane, your kids are annoying, but I forgive you.
What can I say you caught me at the wrong moment earlier. My germy kids were being awful and annoying. 🙂
I do think it sucks when you have a bad day with your kids and it feels like everyone is watching.
It’s not just this issue, but it’s sad to see people be so intolerant of things going on around them. We all get so annoyed and put out. It’d be nice if more of us would focus on the positive- myself included- and be the person who makes funny faces for four hours to try to help out, instead of judging people. Be selfless. Imagine how those parents felt. Maybe they could have done a better job, but really who are we to say? There is a bigger picture here, than just a person/ people being annoyed at a crying baby. I guess that was my point.
Didn’t mean to come across as a crazy. Not sure if I helped myself on that one or not…
well i get jane, and i hate kids that i’m not related to. i think one other issue that is being ignored here is that when people travel, you have a tendency to carry around SOME type of additional stress. you are running late to the airport, your flight is delayed, you are scared of flying, you havent been upgraded yet, they may not have the cabernet you like in first, WHATEVER.
travels instantly cut an individuals tolerance to half of what it would normally be–and when stuck inside a pressured cabin, i can see how a person will have much less tolerance, than if on the street or in a store. why? because you can leave the store.
i asked my parents once about how the hell they could tolerate that SCREAMING kid sitting behind us on a plane. mother said, you basically get used to it at a cartain point and learn to just block it out.
so until all of us people who dont really care for it have kids–i cant see this perennial debate lessening.
just PLEASE keep them out of biz and first. thanks.
I made it through the whole thing B. You are a much more tolerant person than I thought. At least you can vent about it in your blog afterwards.
I know that it’s easy to judge how parents shouls be when you’re not a parent, b/c I do it as well. However- it is reasonable to expect common courtesy from others in a public setting. That means just TRY to control your unruly child and I will understand.
btw dubby- I would put up with baby-dub’s cries anytime. 🙂
The worst thing that happened to you this week was that while jetting from one end of our immensely rich country to the other you had to listen to a baby cry?
I can understand why people in other parts of the world hate us.
I love all this discussion! Obviously, I don’t think the kid is an AWFUL person. I use a bit of hyperbole when describing the situation, mostly for comic effect. The fact that the parents didn’t really go to all lengths to mollify the situation really annoyed me, and like Melissa said, at the end of the day, while I can appreciate logically what’s going on, I can’t help but be annoyed. I mean, annoying is annoying. I try not to let it get to me, but if I’m trying to do work or read a book or sleep on a plane (as was the case this flight), and I can’t because a child is wailing, I’m gonna be more annoyed than empathetic.
Realistically, I blame the situation, but I think everyone here knows that if you’re on a plane, and you can’t nap because there’s a baby screaming in your ear for four hours straight, you’re gonna tell your friends when you see them “UGH! I couldn’t sleep because there was this baby screaming the WHOLE TIME!” I think that when I write such things and post them on the internet, it takes on a more damning and assholish quality than perhaps it warrants when in fact it’s just an honest portrayal of my emotions at the moment.
I do love the debate though!
For the record, noted baby-hater B-Side has deemed my son “cute” on two occasions.
I can’t believe this nonsense. Could you possibly be any more self important?
You comment “raised by good parents.” I beg of you-ask YOUR own parents about instances they went through with you. They have more than one story, where you raised a ruckus.
And I bet they would be sad to have such a-pretty-little boy who gets fun from acting put out on camera over a child’s misfortune. Really, don’t hold out for that Oscar anytime this life.
And put your collar down. On second thought, keep it up. It does a fairly spot on job of warning everyone exactly what sort of asinine prick you are, without subjecting them to talking to you.
#34: You sound like one of those parents who think their kids are God’s gift to humanity, not even pausing for a mere second to consider if random strangers may find your sticky fingered toddler a pest and nuisance. Face it, some people do not like kids, yet “society” expects us to not only tolerate them, but to smile and laugh when assaulted by those horrid, screeching, snot-faced things… Sure, both parents and kids can have bad days, but if that’s your excuse then don’t criticise us for venting our frustrations!
😉
#34 needs to have the stick removed from it’s arse.
Well, I think it’s safe to say that there’s just going to be an irreconcilable disconnect between the “haves” and the “have nots” in terms of children.
I understand your annoyance, B-Side. I think that parents (myself included) tend to be less annoyed by their own kids, due in no small part to the fact that we’re just used to their behavior. Once again, however, we would never leave for a trip of that magnitude without packing some playthings to keep our toddlers occupied, and we would apologize to anyone who we felt we may have inconvenienced. However, I’m willing to give these people the benefit of the doubt — maybe they had never flown before, and they just didn’t think to bring along anything for their child; and, if they noticed that people were being less than understanding, that may have put on a damper on any need to apologize that they might have felt.
Also, as2o3, I’m not sure if the “Scientologist spam” comment was directed toward me earlier, but rest assured that we are not the types of parents who sit idly by while our children wreak havoc and just go, “Everyone please excuse them… they’re going through a stage, poor dears.” I know those parents, and those parents are annoying, not to mention they’re doing their children a disservice. While children do go through stages (my three-year-old is going through one now, and it’s a nightmare), they are taught what is and what is not appropriate behavior, and they are disciplined accordingly when they do something that they know is wrong.
Me thinks #34 is Ginny under an alias.
Why does everyone think I’ve popped my collar? Who am I? INA GARTEN??
JessiMae: Not at all, the “scientology spam” comment was directed at #19. Narconon is yet another way for The Church of Scientology to pray upon the weakest in society: http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Narconon/index.html
(…and I’m not this intolerant in real life, but what is the internet for if not to air frustrations? 😉
srsly! i must say that b-side was wearing a normal white oxford shirt. there is no collar popped.
and i LOVE LOVE LOVE that #34 is really probably ginny furiously commenting from her macbook with a candycane cover on the outside and a cadycane background!
its always christmas with her…and you just know she would be the one to passively watch her terrible children on the plane run up and down the aisles and open weird compartments rather than say anything.
I can totally sympathize with you, B.
Sounds like this situation was one of three possible scenarios:
1. Spawn of hell: Parents are good people, they just know their child is the anti-Christ and gave up months ago.
2. Parent fail: Child is crying because it doesn’t want to spend the next 18 years with these poor examples of parents.
3. Murphy’s Law: Child is actually quite lovely, as are the parents. This is the first and only time anything has every happened like this to these people & will never happen again.
I think it was prolly the second scenario.
Oddly enough, I actually had an experience with an unruly child a week ago: http://wildlybland.com/2009/07/23/wildly-bland-vs-the-unruly-child/
Not to stray from the subject too much, but those people who bring in the enormous “carry-on” bags onto the airplane and spend about 10-15 minutes trying to shove them into an inadequate overhead bin make me mad too. They hold up the boarding line for everyone else. And what about those kids who seem to enjoy kicking your back the entire flight? Wouldn’t it be cool if we travelled like the Jetsons and each had our own aircar?
I’m a Baby Lover but not a parent.
That being said, I just wanted to mention that I didn’t think B-Side’s rant was all that inappropriate. It’s sort of like with animals – I LOVE animals more than life itself, but I don’t want to listen to someone else’s dog barking for an hour.
He got irritated with someone else’s kid. Who cares? I’m guessing most of the hating is coming from people not familiar with your tongue-in-cheek use of verbiage like “awful”.
I’m much more upset about this whole collar debate. It is clearly popped, and what bothers me most is that I think it looks good. So there.
As long as we are harping on airplane peeves, I must share. On a recent flight to CA, somehow my husband, daughter and I all ended up in separate seats. The clerk managed to get my husband and daughter together, but my seat (a good aisle seat, I might add) was still across the aisle and up a row from them. The clerk said to just ask the person in the third seat in their row to switch with me.
Well, once we got on the plane, we very nicely asked the blond woman with glasses (I hope she is reading this!) to switch seats with me so I could sit by my YOUNG child. She snottily said, “No, I am not interested in switching.” So I had to sit apart from my family, and my poor daughter, who had only flown one other time, was without her sweet mama. Yes, I know my husband and I could have switched seats, but that is not the point. I wish I had thought of some snarky comment to make to her, but my brain does not work that fast.
On top of that, she ate raw peppers throughout the whole flight and stunk up the whole plane. Talk about complete disregard for your fellow passengers! I will take a crying kid over constant food stink from a nasty woman any day.
BTW, I think her name was Ginny.
You KNOW her name was Ginny! B-Side, when are you going to get to a Live Big Brother taping?
So Ginny’s evil spawn was on the plane!
I feel for you Bside, for a few reasons. As a highly clausterphobic person who needs xanax just to go near an airplane, a screamer only adds to the stress. A parent who seems to attentive to their child’s unhappiness helps the situation, but a parent who ignores the situation multiplies every uncomfortable feeling you have.
I’ve been really lucky with my kids, and have felt pity for the parents of unruly children on the plane, until my jack and xanax kicks in, and my husband covers the bulk of the flight 😉
People, are you on crack about the collar? It is clearly not popped. He isn’t wearing a polo shirt. It looks to be a white button down with the top button(s) undone. See here for an example.
this was so not as bad as the kid screeching at breakfast last week. he literally sounded like nails on a chalkboard nonstop.
This is a point for the ProChoice side I must admit.