IDOL RECAP: Rock Week, Or The Night Danny Gokey Broke Every Glass In My Apartment

So it was rock week on American Idol last night, and I for one was excited. After having suffered through the dreary doldrums of the Rat Pack genre (not to mention Jamie Foxx’s curious ramblings), I was ready for some energetic, ballad-free music. And guess what? Overall, that’s pretty much what we got. Last night’s show was chock full of excitement and pressing cliffhangers: would the American Idol song fall from the rafters and squash Ryan Seacrest? Would Adam Lambert’s skin-tight pants burst open after one too many hip gyrations? And would the glass in Danny Gokey’s spectacles crumble into millions of pieces — perhaps even revert back into sand — after his dreadful and embarrassing caterwaul? These questions and more flittered through our heads as we witnessed one of the strongest final fours in quite some time. By the end of the episode, we really only had one major thing on our mind: who’s gonna go home?

Pretty much the only person I think it’s safe to say will be in the clear tonight will be Adam. This was the week that was tailor made for him — or at least his carefully constructed persona. Adam was of course effortlessly good as he took on “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin, and aside from a few indulgent squeals, he was everything I think we expected and wanted from him on rock week: loud, bombastic, and full of sassy attitude. It really was the one and only time this season where I actually looked forward to his piggy rape noises. My only disappointment was that he didn’t sing Guns ‘N’ Roses as everyone online was hoping he would. I guess this wasn’t too much of a surprise though. While the stated theme was rock, clearly this week was all about classic rock, and while GNR does fall into that category in some circles, I imagine their catalog was still a bit too current for Idol. And let’s not assume Axl Rose even gave Fox the rights to those songs. Given that he and this week’s guest mentor Slash have had a most bitter falling out, I wouldn’t be surprised if Axl denied any and all access to the Gun ‘N’ Roses tunes. It’s too bad. Hearing Adam take on “Sweet Child o’ Mine” or “Paradise Jungle City” [ed. note — oops] would have been excellent.
As it was though, Led Zeppelin was a decent substitute. I didn’t actually think Adam was excellent. I thought he was merely very good — I wasn’t particularly blown away. Still, he handled the stage better than anyone else — and not in a forced way like Danny Gokey (but more on him in a bit). However, whereas his presence was effortless, Adam’s wardrobe was a bit of a stretch. There’s a fine line between glam rocker and old lady from Boca Raton, and I’m afraid that Adam crossed it last night. His outfit was less flamboyant punk, and more like Aunt Bea heading to Publix to pick up some bagels and a pineapple. This might be bizarre to some of you, but honestly, just look at him. It’s very true. Not helping matters was that his leather jacket had strange creases that gave the illusion of a heaving bosom, and that in turn was amplified by his plunging neckline, which only revealed a doughy torso region that seemed to just say “Fat Ready.” Not being cruel, just saying — he looks like he’s on the verge of going Kelly Clarkson on us.
Still, I’d take Adam’s wardrobe any day over the lame sartorial choices of Danny Gokey, who appeared first in a duet with Kris wearing a regular red shirt as if he were ambling down to Blockbuster to pick up the latest Kirk Cameron DVD. When Danny took the stage a second time for his solo act, he had changed into a strange purple shirt, pinstripe-vest, tacky necklace combo that seemed to say a lot of things — used car salesman, Greek diner manager, disco enthusiast — but not rock ‘n’ roll.
Then again, everything about Danny’s miserable performance of “Dream On” by Aerosmith was off, particularly that wretched last note at the end. Danny was clearly trying to outdo Adam, but he failed horrendously. Of course, his failure was our amusement. After having seen the video of him practicing with Slash, IndianJones, Jash, and I spent the entire song waiting for Danny to get to that famous high note, knowing full well that he couldn’t hit it. We were right. Oh man were we right. But let’s not overlook the fact that before Danny careened over the edge of acceptable singing, he was already doing a pretty piss poor job with the song. Sure, he’s got a nice, smoky voice, but that’s not enough, and once again, Danny proved to be incapable of truly bringing something special to the performance. His performance truly lacked soul or emotional heft. Plus, he really sounded off, even before he got to the tricky stuff. Definitely a bad night for Danny. Also a bad night for the girl in the front row who got full on knocked to the floor by a camera man after Danny finished his song. It was embarrassing for her. Wonderful for me.
Thankfully, the judges agreed. They gave him demerits for the crappy final note, but then again, they also let him off the hook, excusing the terrible rendition by saying it wasn’t really his genre. It’s like it would kill them to just say that it was bad. Kara and some others gave Danny credit for bringing swagger to the stage; although, I personally did not see an ounce of it. The only personality Danny exuded was his usual cockiness, which manifested itself in little passive-aggressive fits and starts while he addressed the judges. He would refute what they were saying, suggesting that he would have to listen back to the audio because it sounded damn good to him. But then he’d interrupt himself, and say that it was no big deal, the judges knew best, etc.. My hatred of him once again reached new levels.
That being said, Danny did kind of out-sing Kris on their little duet together — a new and surprisingly likable feature. You know me — I’m a big Kris fan, and while I liked his performance in the duet, he sort of got lost in the fray. Then again, the entire thing was a mess, particularly the song choice. Seriously, bad bad bad.
As for Kris’s solo outing, he was solid with “Come Together” by the Beatles, but it wasn’t the sort of swinging-for-the-fences show stopper I would have liked. I don’t think it was a wise song choice — a bit tame — and truth be told, with people like Adam and Allison on the show, Kris should have known he’d have to go for a tune that would get people out of their seats and thrashing around. Instead, “Come Together” was a bit too mild on the rock spectrum. Still, I liked it; certainly more than Danny’s flameout.
Somehow though, Danny seems destined to head right into the finals, which means that Kris could be in the bottom two with none other than Allison, who I continue to love, but who continues to only receive qualified raves from the judges. I actually agreed that she should have gone for something a bit more melodious than the Janice Joplin tune, and I was quietly bemused that her second choice was Jefferson Airplane because just hours prior, I too was thinking she might be well served by covering some Grace Slick. Personally, I think “White Rabbit” would have been awesome, but the song is probably a bit too laden with hidden drug references to be acceptable on Idol.
Nevertheless, after receiving positive but not glowing reviews, Allison sort of snapped at the judges, letting weeks of frustration come bubbling out. She tried to defend her song choice, saying that others were a bit too predictable and played out, and yada yada yada. It was awkward and weird, but hopefully it won’t hurt her too much. Allison’s saving grace was a great duet with Adam, which as Kara said, had both singers bringing out the best in each other. Adam was Adam, but the real surprise was Allison, who bounced around the stage with the sort of carefree fun that the judges had been trying to elicit from her all season. She revealed a wonderful, playful side to her personality that I wish she had tapped into a few weeks ago. Hopefully Simon is right when he noted that the duet may have just saved her this week. If that’s the case, then it looks like it could be the end of the road for Kris. But then again, the ladies love him. Maybe it’s Danny’s time? No. The judges and producers love HIM (as do the senior citizens and born agains). And what about Adam? Nope. He’s safe. Hmmm… Allison may be screwed after all.
How do you think it’ll all play out? Who will go home? Who should go home? And who the hell were the girls giggling in the audience?