Well, Top Chef headed down to Puerto Rico last night for part one of its finale, and I have to say, I was none to happy with the results. The outcome was a veritable “FUCK YOU!” to the audience; although, I suppose I can understand the judges’ rationale. Truth is that since we can’t eat the food, we can’t really say with authority who should truly stay or go. All I will say is that certain chefs with bad attitudes and even worse hairstyles have been on the bottom of nearly every competition this season while others with marvelous palettes and affable personalities have won multiple competitions. Is the fix in? Perhaps.
Photocap after the jump.
And by the way, I know you’re busy doing whatever you do all day, but a congratulations for posting this would have been a little bit nice…
“Hey guys, who’s the pudgy little boy at our table?”
“I don’t know, but he keeps saying ‘FUCK YOU!'”
“Excuse me, but I’m going to need to see some ID from the pudgy boy on the left.”
“Hey guys, I think the pudgy boy is named Ralphie. Or Pudge.”
“It’s too bad Gail isn’t here. I’m sure she’d love to dance in this non-judgmental environment.”
“You want these? WELL YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM.”
“Chefs, I’d like to introduce you to Fake Tom Colicchio.”
“Hey guys, I know you’d rather see Spike here than me, but a congratulations for participating in this foot race would have been a little bit nice!”
“You know what, mortar and pestle? FUCK YOU!”
“Stephanie, your skirt is adorable. It’s so great that designers are making fashionable offerings for all figures. Gail would love it.”
“So, Fake Tom, what did you do with the real Tom? Because I need some opinions to follow.”
“I know you guys are all bummed about the challenge, but a congratulations for me opening my Diet Coke can would have been a little bit nice.”
“Okay, so here’s my plan: pork belly that’s NOT left out over night. So that means putting it in the fridge at the end of the day. Will you be able to do that?”
“Wait, run that by me again.”
“I really like puns; so I’m gonna use some port in this dish and call it ‘PORT-o-Rico Surprise.’ Get it? Because I used Port; so I just subbed out Puerto and said Port-O, and that made it a pun. Why aren’t you laughing?”
“Hey Dale, where are your knives?”
“They’re right he DAMMIT! I brought my flute again.”
“Still a bitch, Dale.”
“You know what, group photo? FUCK YOU!”
“Chefs, before we start our pork extravaganza, I’d like to ask if anyone has a bib for Gail.”
