Now that Big Brother is over and done, I can focus on other shows to make fun of, and what better choice than Top Chef, the jewel in the culinary genre’s crown? Last night’s episode eschewed “Restaurant Wars” for “Wedding Wars,” resulting in an enjoyably cranky episode full of several dramatic flare ups. The end result was nothing too surprising, but the bickering at panel was worth it. Ultimately, I would have preferred restaurant wars over a wedding competition, but hey, considering that there are about three seasons of Top Chef a year, I’m sure we’ll have a restaurant throw-down soon enough.
Still, any episode that features Gail is A-OK with me. Not only is she the most incisive and lovable, but watching her and Padma interact is a wellspring of hilarity. You know, on the one hand you’ve got Padma, the tall, beautiful model who runs in all the popular circles. On the other hand you have GAIL: plump, brainy, sidekicky. It makes for the perfect dynamic. I always imagine Padma just oozing condescension towards poor Gail. In a perfect world, there’d be a show featuring just these two, and it could be called Pad & Gail. It would be awesome.
And now, the photocap…

“I wonder if I can arrange this asparagus into a giant, green faux-hawk…”

“You know what I’m going to write on this cake? ‘FUCK YOU!'”

“Chefs, as you can see, today we have TWO fat Gails.”

“Look Gail, a giant donut! Just kidding.”

“This wedding is all I ever dreamed of — except, of course, all the crappy food made at the last second.”

“Wow, look at Gail go. She’s not letting anyone get near those mini pizzas.”
“That’s for damn sure.”

“Gail, this moment is nice and everything, but do you mind switching seats with Padma? Thanks.”

“And so I said to Gail, ‘GAIL! I can’t eat fried chicken. I have a figure to maintain.’ But bless her heart, she ate my portion.”

“I trained at the Dick Tracy Culinary Institute.”

“Lisa, don’t cut yourself.”

“I’m gonna give this monkfish a faux-hawk!”

Katie Lee Joel has really let herself go…