Oh Big Brother. You cruel, cruel mistress. Last night was a classic Big Brother emotional roller coaster. There were highs, there were lows, and there were laughs. Oh so many laughs. Watching Joshuah sob by himself was almost worth the price of admission. Watching Joshuah make Sheilah sob too was even better. However, while there was plenty of wonderful drama and fighting and tears, it simply couldn’t mask the profound sense of frustration I felt throughout the episode — an emotion that only grew stronger in me as we approached the one hour mark. This show isn’t good for my mental health, people. I’m pulling out my hair, aging five years faster than I should be. And for what? Another awful person to win the whole thing? After last year’s Dick Donato fiasco, I don’t think I can take another sucky winner, but if this keeps up, that might just be what I’m in for…
And now, photos.
“Nothing can go wrong with this plan, bro. Nothing at all.”
“Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me thanks for my pep talk, but ya kinda dew.”
“And yew know wut else? If yew don’t turn down the heat, I might die in here. Die, I tell yew. DIE!!!”
“Yew know wut, Josh? I believe in yew.”
“FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING WHORE CUNT SLUT BITCH!!!!”
“The whole house is against me. And I don’t know why. All I’ve tried to do since I’ve gotten here is ceaselessly play the victim, and for some reason they just don’t like that. I’M ON AN ISLAND!!!”
“Sheila, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to zip it. I’ve already said it SEVEN TIMES!!!”
“Wait guys. Matty’s sending me a psychic message he says… NEVER TRUST A GUY WITH A PINK MOHAWK.”
“Bro, do you think Jen’s mad that I still don’t miss her?”
“Hey Sheila. I just want to talk to you about something in a calm and collected way.”
“YOU FUCKING BITCH!!! YOU LIED TO ME!!!!”
“JUST LIKE THE TIME MOM TOOK ME TO THE CANDY STORE AND SAID SHE WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME, BUT THEN SHE DID ANYWAY, AND I HAD TO LIVE WITH MR. PETERSON AND MY INVISIBLE FRIEND ROLANDO!!! YOU LEFT ME AT THE CANDY STORE, SHEILA!!! YOU LEFT ME!!!”
“Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe yourself a therapy session, but ya kinda dew.”
“You don’t understand! I don’t have an alliance! I only have two other people!!!”
“I’M ON AN ISLAND!!!”
“Yew know wut, CBS? Yew don’t owe me an island getaway, but ya kinda dew.”
“I can’t believe Sheila lied to me. It’s almost as if we’re on some strange game show where people lie to each other to win money… ON AN ISLAND.”
“She’s the one who lied to me after I broke my word multiple times!!!”
“Yew know wut? If he comes out here to talk, I would die. I’d die inside. DIE!!!!”
“I… I just don’t understand. Back on week two of the show, I told Julie Chen that I hated everyone in the house, and for some reason, they’re all out to get me now. It’s like they picked up on my disdain. And all I ever did was thinly veil my contempt. Why is this happening to me? Why?? Send me some supplies because I’M ON AN ISLAND!!!”
“I just wanted to play nice — when I wasn’t breaking my word or talking shit about people behind their backs. Is that so much to ask?”
“Hey guys, here’s the game plan. Let’s be IDIOTS.”
“Yew know wut? I’m a big trivia fan. I play trivia. I watch trivia. I rent trivia movies. So yew don’t owe me some trivia right now, but ya kinda dew.”
“I gotta win this for my FURRRIENDDSSS!!!! MY BEEEBIEEES!! BOOPBEEPBEEEPBBOOOP.”
“All these numbers… The possibilities are endless.”
“Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me some shade, but ya kinda dew.”
“And yew know wut else? If I get this wrong, I would die inside. Die. DIE!!!!”
“Suckers.”
“Oh, that’s right. I’m supposed to be crazy. Ummm… what could I do? Ah! I can dance. Here’s my crazy dance! I’m crazy!!!! (and on an island)
“I’m such a FUCKING CUNT WHORE SLUT!”
“Josh? Beepboop beeee?”
“My beeebieees. Beeboop (sniffle) boppppbeeee (sniffle sniffle) beepbeepbeep booop.”
“Yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me to turn around so I can hug you from the front, but ya kinda dew.”
“Yew know wut, Sharon? I just ate a whole bunch of bran, owkay? So yew know wut? Yew don’t owe me the toilet, but ya kinda dew!”
“I’m the only one here with a veto around his neck. I’M ON A VETO ISLAND!!!”
“…fuckin’ cunt whore asshole bitch slut…”
“So as the winner of the Golden Power of Veto, I will now give a patronizing and insincere speech. There may be an island theme.”
