IDOL RECAP: The Crap Pack

American Idol is heading into the final stretch, and more so than ever, the producers are trying to position its contestants as the next biggest star on American radio; so what better way to put your finger on the pulse of today’s youth than by having our wannabees croon to the music of… The Rat Pack? Seriously? I mean, why not have an Eartha Kitt night? Or the Best of Lawrence Welk? Heck, let’s get some Edith Piaf up in this bitch. Point is the night’s theme was anything but youthful, which is disappointing when there are so many great options from the ’80s, ’90s, and today (apologies for sounding like a radio station, but it IS the truth).
Even more bizarre, this week’s mentor was Jamie Foxx. Yes, that Jamie Foxx. God forbid the producers select someone appropriate like, I don’t know, JERRY LEWIS. I suppose picking a member of the Rat Pack (or at least someone adjacent to it) would force the producers to realize just how old fashioned this week’s theme is. Nevertheless, we had Jamie Foxx, who proved to be just as insufferable as you’d imagine him to be. To be fair, he did not do his Ray Charles impersonation, but I’m sure he was absolutely dying when he heard Matt Giraud at the piano singing “Georgia On My Mind.” For that alone Matt should stay (but for his singing, maybe he should go). Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. The point is that Jamie Foxx brought the crazy. Whether he was getting up in Danny Gokey’s “grill” or whether he was nodding his head to music with a healthy dose of self-awareness, he was simply bizarre (not to mention annoying). His crowning moment came, however, when he applauded Adam for being unfazed by his presence. That’s some solid, grade-A narcissism right there!

However, this show isn’t about the mentors. It’s about the singers… and the crazy things Paula wears. My fellow viewers — Sly and Jash — and I agreed that her dress could best be described as an origami version of a poinsettia. Not sure if that’s a good thing. Anyway, as for the singers, they all looked dapper in evening ware. Kris Allen kicked things off with a tune, which I honestly don’t remember — which might not be such a great thing. I liked his performance, and I think he’s always great. However, it wasn’t the best thing ever. It felt slightly boring to me, but I attributed that more to the trappings of the genre than to Kris. He did the best that he could have, and on that front, he was good. Unfortunately, in describing him, I do have to use the dreaded “B” word — a.k.a. Bublé — which is not a particularly loving platitude I festoon on singers. I personally find Michael Bublé boring and bland; so to think that Kris treaded in that same territory is not a good thing in my book. Hmmm… maybe I didn’t like the performance after all. No, no. I did. I just didn’t think it was awesome, and I don’t like the genre as a go-to for pop music; so hence, my concerns. Also, fellow blogger Mark Lisanti compared Kris’s performance to anything one might hear on a prosaic Starbucks holiday CD, and I honestly can’t disagree. Kind of colors my perception of the song.
Okay, so, mixed feelings on Kris this week (trending towards positive), but there was no confusion about Allison Iraheta, who I thought was dynamite with her version of “Someone To Watch Over Me.” Jamie Foxx actually gave her good advice, telling her to think about her parents in the song, and I tell you, she did a fantastic job. She was soft, tender, emotional — totally great. I was stupefied as to how Simon could find any negatives. It always seems as though he’s ready to undermine Allison, and yet when it comes to Adam Lambert, he can rarely do no wrong. Nevertheless, as much as I love Allison and want to see her in the finals with Kris, she seems like the classic third place winner: great voice, no cachet. She’ll surely join a long line of #3’s: Melinda Doolittle, Elliot Yamin, Kimberly Locke, Vonzell Solomon, Nikki McKibbin (er, not so much). Still, if Allison does somehow defy the odds and go to the finals, that would be aw-sum.
Then we have Matt Giraud. He could have the cachet to be a pop R&B type, but lately, I haven’t been feeling him as much, dawg. He sang “My Funny Valentine,” and did a nice job, but it was a bit boring to me. It’s unfair to compare him to Melinda Doolittle, who sang the song on season six, but… well… I’ll do it anyway. Whereas she energized an old standard and made it feel vital and fresh, he was just kind of ordinary. Good, but ordinary. And there were some pitch problems. AND he lost points for the dumb hat. Remarkably, Simon LOVED it. What the? This made no sense to me.
Also making no sense to me is the unmitigated love for Danny Gokey. I’m telling you, the guy is driving me nuts. He has a tremendous voice, but he’s boring as hell. Everyone gushed over last night’s performance, but what no one seems to remember is that the first 90% of it was totally forgettable. It wasn’t until the end when he broke away from his mic stand that the Gokester showed any signs of life. It’s what he always does: ends strong. Hey, and it’s working for him; so more power to him. But honestly, people have to look at the whole performance.
Furthermore, is anyone really going to buy a Danny Gokey CD? (Watch me eat my words six months from now) Seriously, this is like the second coming of Taylor Hicks. Good voice, but totally lame. The only difference is that Taylor Hicks at least seemed like a nice guy throughout the competition. Danny is getting crazy cocky, what with that smug semi-grin plastered on his face. I know these are things that should be irrelevant, but dude is cocky. COCKY! I’ve actually felt unnerved by him ever since the episode when the contestants were all impersonating each other. I wasn’t exactly sure why, but then Michael Slezak at EW.com hit the nail on the head: that day, the singers all poked fun at each other’s trademark sounds and styles. Danny, however, made fun of Matt Giraud’s notorious Coldplay cover in the semis. It was sort of like kicking someone when they were down — as if he were saying, “Hey, remember when you SUCKED?” Point of the story is that Danny’s no great shakes, and he’s got an attitude to boot. (Plus, full disclosure, I’m suddenly starving and am clearly getting cranky).
That leaves us with Adam Lambert, who burst onto the stage like a man dressed like a drag queen dressed like Liberace. He let out his inner fierceness like never before on the stage, squealing out a flamboyant version of Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good,” and let me tell you, had he been there, Miss Jay would have been air snapping and “Giiirrrrrrrrl!”-ing like none other. Adam was out of control this week, and honestly, I wasn’t a fan. It was just TOO MUCH. That super long note at the end of the performance was the very definition of self-indulgent, and yet all the judges just bowed down to him again. I agree with Simon that Adam is definitely out to win the game, but c’mon. Other singers have been massacred by the judges for touches that weren’t half as indulgent as Adam’s.
Then again, I totally respect that at this point, indulgence has pretty much become what Adam’s about; so to fault him for that is redundant for both me and the judges. However, that being said, if you look in my music collection, you’ll find plenty of things but ear-piercing caterwauling is not one of them (early Mariah Carey excluded — but that was more like squeaking than squealing). It’s a given that this top five can sing. The question is: do we LIKE what they’re singing? Adam — not so much.
So let’s hear it people. Who did you like? Who did you hate? What about Kara’s boobs? What about the theme? And what about Jamie Foxx???