I gotta say, The Real Housewives of Orange County was a bit dullsville last night. I have barely anything to say. Wait, wait… nope, I have nothing to say. It was just… bland. The producers have a great cast and all, but when none of them interact for an entire episode, it can be a bit boring. And what was the deal with that cliffhanger? Bravo actually put up a message that said “To Be Continued…” as Jeana opened the door to meet her date. Were we really supposed to care? Were we supposed to be just chomping at the bit to find out who it could be? This was just silliness; the very definition of manufactured drama. No one cares about Jeana’s love life. We only care about when all the women get together and act like heinous wenches. C’mon now, Bravo. You know better than that. The only things notable about this episode were a) Jeana’s rage in the car (where was that anger when her sons were being supreme douches to her?), and b) the producers’ unwavering commitment to blasting a foghorn every time Vicki made a point on her dumb cruise. Huh. Maybe this wasn’t as bad of an episode after all…
“Am I getting too close, Dad? I don’t want to BURN you with all my HOTNESS!”
“Here, Dad, we can sit in the shade… not that it’ll matter on account of how HOT I am.”
“I love you so much, Dad. And I love how HOT you’ve made me!”
“Changing America, one stripper at a time!”
“If Mom saw us eating all these calories, she’d get so mad.”
“Just tell her they’re our friend’s calories. She falls for it every time.”
“I want one of these! Does it come in hot pink too?”
“I don’t know if I want to go inside this house. Without proper insulation, it’s gonna get pretty damn HOT in there with me in it. You know, because I’m so HOT!”
“Someday, ladies, you too can have a love tank just like me!”
“Mom??? Did you see my Ann Coulter book anywhere?”
“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you: do we have air conditioning?”
“Kara, I am NOT picking that up.”
“Well, what do you want me to do with it, Mom?”
“I don’t know. Give it to one of the bum people?”
“Sometimes I wish I could have been in Cedar Rapids for the floods. Then I could have evaporated all the water with my HOTNESS.”
“This won’t damage my love tank, will it?”
“I wonder which dress will look better for the date that NO ONE CARES ABOUT.”
“I found some cigarettes in Alexa’s pocketbook.”
“Eh. They probably belong to one of her friends.”
“I also found some heroin.”
“Again, probably just hanging onto it for a friend.”
“And a gun and some bloody gloves.”
“Yeah, she probably just found those on the street and is planning to take it to the police.”
“I also found a pound of weed in a bag that said ‘Property of Alexa.'”
“Yeah, probably her other friend Alexa that we haven’t met yet left it in our Alexa’s pocketbook by accident. It could happen to anyone.”
“Yeah.”
“Here’s to L.I.F.E.: Living In Fear of Eskimos!”
