Apparently Miss America 2009 will be crowned tonight, and to promote this wonderful occasion, glamour shots of all the competing women have been posted online. I thought I’d share these images with you and let you see the true personalities of the many beautiful ladies who shall be squaring off at some point tonight on some cable channel. (Oh how the mighty have fallen).
Pictures of every single beauty queen after the jump…
Update: Apparently the pageant started about an hour ago. Ooops.
Miss Alabama: “The dentist will see you now!”
Miss Alaska: “Don’t let my giant forehead distract you from my very plain appearance.”
Miss Arizona: “I work in human resources!”
Miss Arkansas: “They call me the Penelope Cruz of â€â€how you say?  this competition.”
Miss California: “I’m standing on a slope. Isn’t that GRAND?”
Miss Colorado: “My special talent is making necklaces from discarded bars of soap.”
Miss Connecticut: “I’m wearing fourteen layers of foundation!”
Miss Delaware: “Wanna know who fucked your dad last night? It was ME.”
Miss District of Columbia: “I look like a pigeon.”
Miss Florida: “You might not realize this, but I’m wearing Mom Jeans at this very moment.“
Miss Georgia: “This is the Pussycat Dolls audition, yes? ‘I hate this part right here! Ooooh, I hate this part right heee—‘ No? It’s not?”
Miss Hawaii: “Don’t mind the holes in my straps. I have a debilitating moth problem.”
Miss Idaho: “Oh hi! I didn’t see you there. Luckily, I stopped myself by pressing my shoulder-brake.”
Miss Illinois: “I’m frail.”
Miss Indiana: “You’re all fired.”
Miss Iowa: “Hey y’all! Do you like my dress? It was inspired by Strawberry Shortcake. Now are y’all gonna put a nice picture on the green screen? You know, like a waterfall or somethin’? You’re not gonna leave it blank, right? Right?”
Miss Kansas: “I’m going for a Mommy-meets-The Matrix-meets-Dracula look.”
Miss Kentucky: “I’m not too late for the Toothy-Ruffles competition, am I?”
Miss Louisiana: “Could someone help me up? I fell over. Seriously. Anyone? Anyone? Is Lurlene around? I think I broke my leg. I’m not kidding. Anyone?”
Miss Maine: “Don’t mind my hair. I suffer from chronic bouts of static electricity.”
Miss Maryland: “Seriously, how ugly are all these girls?”
Miss Massachusetts: “What? There’s a pageant going on? Right now?? You gotta be kidding me!”
Miss Michigan: “My company employs only the highest quality call girls.”
Miss Minnesota: “I skinned a poodle and placed it on my head! You like?”
Miss Mississippi: “Never ride a motorcycle in a pantsuit. Or without a helmet.”
Miss Missouri: “Duuuuuude, I am soooo high right now!”
Miss Montana: “I just crapped my pants.”
Miss Nebraska: “So… when do I get the crown?”
Miss Nevada: “If you don’t give me the crown, I’ll stab you with my earrings.”
Miss New Hampshire: “Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit!”
Miss New Jersey: “Honestly, I don’t even want to be here.”
Miss New Mexico: “I wear this necklace to stave off evil spirits. Be careful: if you stare at it too long, you’ll turn into a pillar of cumin.”
Miss New York: “What’s that? You’re not giving me the crown? How about I wrap these hoop earrings around your throat until your head pops off?”
“OH REALLY???”
Miss North Carolina: “It’s important for me to lean back slightly so that you can see my bosom. Does that excite you?”
Miss North Dakota: “You know what this photo needs? MORE GOLD.”
Miss Ohio: “They call me the Irish Rapunzel. I live in a tower of soda bread and potatoes.”
Miss Oklahoma: “This is my impression of the movie Firestarter.”
Miss Oregon: “Recognize me? I’m your fourth choice for the prom!”
Miss Pennsylvania: “Huh? I don’t get it. Repeat the joke?”
Miss Rhode Island: “Oh my gawd! Stop asking if I’m Indian! My name is Francesca!”
Miss South Carolina: “Okay, tell me when you’re gonna take the picture. I’m just gonna keep talking in the meantime. Wait, you took it? Just now?”
Miss South Dakota: “The plan is simple: we poison your wife, make it look like suicide, lay low for two weeks, then collect the money and move to Mexico. What do you not understand?”
Miss Tennessee: “I bedazzled my eyeballs!”
Miss Texas: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my corporate job at Macy’s.”
Miss Utah: “It’s like I’m standing in front of a purple sunset. Artistic, right?”
Miss Vermont: “I make candles.”
Miss Virginia: “Did you see Oprah yesterday? She was talking about the sweet potato diet, and I’ll tell you, I’m gonna try that. I’ve never been one for sweet potatoes, but sometimes you just gotta try something new. It’s like my friend Judy always says: ‘Gotta try something new!’ Gosh, I love Judy. I met her in at a pumpkin patch three years ago, and we just talked and talked and talked. Well, mostly I talked, but she listened real good. Anyway…”
Miss Washington: “So how much longer should I sway back and forth?”
Miss Virgin Islands: “Operators are standing by!”
Miss West Virginia: “Did somebody say ‘Key Party?'”
Miss Wisconsin: “So when should I take my top off? These are auditions for softcore porn, right?”
Miss Wyoming: “I honestly have no idea what I’m doing here. I work at an animal hospital.”
