Starting tomorrow, the Food Network will be airing brand new episodes of The Barefoot Contessa, and in honor of this GOOD event, I’ve decided to rank my top ten “Ina-isms”  those familiar phrases Ina Garten employs time and time again, much to my continued entertainment. The best part about Ina-isms, however, is guessing when they’ll pop up. Sure, words like “GOOD” are a dime a dozen, but don’t act like you don’t get excited when she cracks open an egg. Will there be perhaps a cautionary tale about BAD EGGS? You never know when you’ll get one!
Anyway, the list of my favorite Ina-isms are after the jump…
10. “The secret is to use coffee. It makes the chocolate taste more like chocolate / gives it a real depth of flavor.”
Every time Ina bakes with chocolate, she reminds us that it would taste better with a bit of coffee. Hey, I’m not gonna disagree, but it’s amusing listening to her wind up for the line each time. She always looks at the camera as if she’s about to reveal something crazy and then says “And now here’s the secret.” And what secret would that be? Oh, that if you add coffee to the chocolate, it’s gonna make the chocolate taste more like chocolate? Yes, we know. That’s okay, Ina. You can tell us again. We like it.
“What can I say? It makes the chocolate taste really chocolaty. How bad can that be?”
9. “Classic French technique.”
Almost every time Ina folds some egg whites or cooks up an omelette, it’s a near guarantee that she’ll reassuringly announce that she’s using “Classic French technique!” Mais oui! I don’t know why it amuses me, but it just does. Sometimes when I’m cooking or doing any sort of dumb task, I’ll say to myself, “classic French technique…” Try it!
“Classic French mugging for the camera technique.”
8. CLANK!
Less a phrase and more a sound, this is the noise made whenever Ina throws something cavalierly into her sink. It happens more often than you’d think. Done with some tongs? CLANK! There they go flying into the sink. Rather violent behavior for such a refined citizen of the Hamptons, yes?
7. “How bad can that be?”
The closest thing she has to a catch phrase, Ina asks this rhetorical question about once per episode, usually after describing a) something she’ll be making for dessert; b) something she’ll be making to drink; or c) something she’ll be making to drink with dessert. The truth is that nearly any event can prompt a “How bad can that be?”  whether it be a trip to the beach or merely a promising jaunt in the herb garden. Also worth mentioning is the alternative phrase: “How fun is THAT?”
“NOT fun.”
6. “Always crack your eggs into a separate bowl. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’LL GET A BAD EGG!”
The mother of all warnings. I’ve never gotten a bad egg before, but clearly Ina has, which is why she cautions us from time to time on this regrettable fate. Of course, Ina uses eggs in nearly every episode; so the fun is guessing when she’ll do the “bad egg” bit. You never know when you’ll get a “You never know when you’ll get a bad egg!”
“Make sure you have GOOD eggs.”
5. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha INHALE.“
Every episode of Barefoot Contessa is certain to end with Ina in a giggle-fest, and no one chuckles more heartily than Ina. Her patented style is to let out about six or seven spirited “Ha’s” before drawing her breath back in loudly and starting all over again. The inhale really is what makes it her signature. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, she’ll do an inhale sans chuckle while she’s cooking (usually after she’s done something that’s required intense concentration  ie. piping, scooping, pouring). Those are special moments.
“Stop! Stop! I’m gonna snarf!”
4. “If you can make your own chicken stock, great. Otherwise, store bought is fine.”
I truly love when Ina says things like this. Her casual way of implying that maybe we have hours to kill making some small portion of the recipe is hilarious. My friends and I like to apply the phrase to all aspects of Ina life. For instance, when she uses a knife, we imagine her saying, “If you can weld a blade from molten steel and then attach it to a wooden handle you previously carved out of an oak tree, great. Otherwise, store bought is fine.”
3. “This way we can have fun.”
If there’s one thing Ina’s obsessed with, it’s fun. She loves having it, and often times, she plans her entire meal around ways she can maximize it. One of her favorite strategies is to divide up responsibilities (often unevenly) in the pursuit of heavenly fun. She tasks one friend to do the table, another to bring flowers, another to bring wine, and then she’ll make dinner (seems a bit lopsided to me). With everyone doing a little bit of something, no one’s doing too much, and you guessed it, this way she can have fun. Other variations on this include references to “the fun police” and simple proclamations such as “Don’t have any fun without me!” and “Let the fun begin!”
2. “GOOD.”
Ina’s insistence on high quality ingredients is commendable (especially next to the questionable taste levels of Sandra Lee and Aaron McCargo Jr.). But sometimes she goes a little overboard when telling us to use “GOOD” products. GOOD wine? Okay. GOOD vanilla? Yeaaah, okay. GOOD ketchup? Alright, that’s just ridiculous. I wouldn’t be surprised if she instructed us to use GOOD salt one day.
“Be sure to use GOOD steam.”
1. “It’s the stamens of crocuses.”
For all intents and purposes, “GOOD” should have been #1 on this list, but I’m sorry, I just can’t deny the top spot to this phrase, which Ina utters almost every time she uses saffron. I don’t know why she feels the need to continually inform us about saffron, but she does, and God love her for it. My mom actually gave me an Ina Garten cookbook, and even there, she reiterates this fact. Let’s face it: she’s completely and utterly obsessed with saffron education. It’s the stamens of bizarre behavior.
In a sense, this sort of idiosyncratic yet helpful behavior perfectly characterizes Ina’s style, which is why “it’s the stamens of crocuses” is #1 on the list.
See?
What are your favorite Ina-isms?
I’m glad you called the egg warning the “mother of all” — that one always reminds me of how my own mother was always obsessively warning me about this. I have never gotten a bad egg, either, but I am completely convinced that the SECOND I stop cracking them into another bowl, I will.
I love the noise she makes when she sucks her spit back in. (ha ha) it is something like * ssphsshhh*
Listen! she does it ALL the time. I like to think she belives her food is THAT mouth watering!!
1) To elaborate, “Store bought is fine” really means, “Store bought isn’t fine, not by a long shot, but I’m on the Food Network, and I know the demographic, and you people wouldn’t put in the effort, and probably wouldn’t know the difference, so suck it.”
2) I vote for “How bad can that be?” to be the #1 Ina line. It says a couple of things… a) since I usually see it when she’s added a pat of butter or a little bacon to finish something, it’s her way of saying that you don’t need a Paula Deen’s ‘cup of may-O-naise’ to make something decadent, and b) our Ina has a tasteful bit of hedonism in her.
Which, of course, makes us love her all over again after being spanked by a ruler with #1.
Can’t wait for the new season!
Finally Ina is back with new material! I thought I was alone in hearing Ina’s drooly inhales when she is cooking, and her standard ha ha ha ha ha (suck breath) ha ha ha…..! I love all of the choices for the top ten list, but if there were a #11, it would have to be her wanton looks at Jeffrey and her moments of seductively feeding him with her fork while laughing- ha ha ha ha(suck breath) ha ha ha ha.
djaq
I was just talking about the laugh/suck breath thing the other day. If I still played drinking games, I’d be drunk by the first commercial break!
The only thing I would add to your top ten list would be not only should the wine you use be “good” but it should always be “something you’d drink”. I also agree about a possible #11 involving Jeffrey. She can’t keep her hands off him! My favorite Jeffrey moment is when she says “I can’t wait to see Jeffrey’s face when he sees this cake…of course I can’t wait to see Jeffrey’s face anytime…hahahahahahah…suck breath!”
Thanks for such a wonderfully cool website that I check more often than my email. Keep up the great work!
Never would I have thought someone would define these Ina-isms. They are spot on. I would maybe add another to the list — how she is always going out of her way to make something seem “casual” and she makes sure to explain why. For example, using white plates in the kitchen instead of china in the dining room is so casual, and it makes people feel at ease.
It cracks me up everytime because really, nothing she does is ever “casual” for those of us in the real world. I think what makes her show so addictive (at least to me) is how she lives in this perfect little bubble where the only things that matter are making sure you have vanilla sugar on hand and whether or not you have time to make 3 different kinds of cocktails for dinner.
On a side note, I think that first picture at the top where Jeffrey is stealing a cookie and Ina is cackling is hilarious. It perfectly defines the “roles” they love playing on the show.
You’ve got them all! Your comments made me laugh out loud. I also love how she gets flour all over herself and the counter whenever she bakes. “Yikes!” Now don’t have any fun ’til I get back!
I was worried you might not mention the desperate way she begs people not to have fun without her every time she has to leave to finish up her cooking. It’s as if she’s afraid someone will start talking shit while she’s not there. Ina dear?? It’s your show!! In your house!! Of course people aren’t going to make fun of the way you cackle every three seconds! They’ll save that shit for when the cameras are off.
Bravo on all of her “isms”, and while I love her explanation of saffron, my all time favorite is “GOOD”. Especially, as you stated, stuff like GOOD ketchup, because seriously, WTF?
This is a fabulous list!! I can’t believe I missed new episodes of Ina over the weekend. I have been very disappointed with the new lineup of shows on saturday and sunday mornings but new Ina episodes are “GOOD”
The part about the knives still have me giggling away at my desk. Best part and so true!!
What about the florist she always uses who wears extremely colorful sweaters!?!? I love that guy. He never seems as interested in Ina as she is in him…..it makes me sad.
My friends and I like to apply the phrase to all aspects of Ina life. For instance, when she uses a knife, we imagine her saying, “If you can weld a blade from molten steel and then attach it to a wooden handle you previously carved out of an oak tree, great. Otherwise, store bought is fine.”
HAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!! ~suck breath~ HAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAA!!
For the record, Ina mentioned “stamens of crocuses” today.
ok, i just watched an episode where Ina was making beef au poivre & matchstick potatoes to celebrate Jeffery’s writing a book (how bad can that be?).
Most importantly, when she finished frying the potatoes she said to sprinkle with some “..GOOD MALDON SEA SALT, or fleur de sel..”. There ya go, good salt 🙂
Also she made some kind of tart. She cracked the eggs into a seperate bowl to avoid the dreaded BAD EGG, folded the eggs using CLASSIC FRENCH TECHNIQUE, flung the spatula into the sink (CLINK), offered Jeffery a whiskey sour, & laughed it up, INHALE!!
HAHAH this is great. I would include. “I make Chicken for Jeffery every Friday Night,” as well as her famous “What the mustard does is immulsify the vinegar.” And “I put regular dijon mustard and course grain mustard cause i like to actually see the mustard too.”