Liveblogging Obama's Speech – Updated!

“I’m OUT OF THIS WORLD!”

Tonight, I tried to do my civic duty by tuning into Barack Obama’s speech at the Democratic National Convention. Unfortunately, about five minutes into it, he referenced the seminal ’70s television show, Eight is Enough, and that just totally distracted me. The rest of the time I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened had ALL of Obama’s speech contained references to classic television shows. And thus formed the basis of a semi-liveblog between my friend Jash and me.
Our correspondence after the jump…

B-Side at 10:03pm August 28
I think he just wants to take it STEP BY STEP and ONE DAY AT A TIME. He knows WHAT’S HAPPENIN’. Too many years of SQUARE PEGS. It’s no SMALL WONDER that it’s a FACT OF LIFE that he needs to be at the HEAD OF THE CLASS so he can tell people WHO’S THE BOSS!!!
Jash at 10:06pm August 28
i’m sure he wishes he has those SILVER SPOONS that hillary stole, but he can take it to NIGHT COURT. and i think he is his sister’s keeper because its all about FAMILY MATTERS.
B-Side at 10:17pm August 28
He just wants to keep those FAMILY TIES strong because this country is going through GROWING PAINS, but hey, IT’S A LIVIN’! I’m sure you can hear more of his thoughts when they’re broadcast on WKRP IN CINCINATTI. Point is, we can be a stronger country, full of PERFECT STRANGERS and FRIENDS. So, you know, CHEERS!
Jash at 10:18pm August 28
if you have healthcare you dont need to worry about going to the ER, because it might be a FULL HOUSE, but if you elect barack, you could be SAVED BY THE BELL. and if mccain says he will follow osama bin laden to hell, but wont even follow him to DALLAS, what sort of DYNASTY is that? AMEN!
B-Side at 10:23pm August 28
Obama’s ready to take a QUANTUM LEAP with this country , even if it means recruiting an A-TEAM of advisors. And if you don’t know what that means, well, then just look it up in WEBSTER’S. Truth is that Obama is the GREATEST AMERICAN HERO, and he’ll give it 227 percent. Will McCain do that? GIMME A BREAK!
Jash at 10:26pm August 28
well he certainly seems like a FRESH PRINCE, notwithstanding the crowd of admirers who certainly seem MAD ABOUT YOU. as for gay rights, i dont know if the majority is ready for MY TWO DADS, but you can bet cindy mccain is no ALF.
B-Side at 10:36pm August 28
Look, we need change, even if we need to MASH it into the White House! I’m sure everyone would be happy to have Obama, Clinton, and McCain in the White House together, but let’s face it: THREE’S COMPANY. Then again, I wouldn’t want the Oval Office to become an EMPTY NEST. Ultimately, it takes DIFF’RENT STROKES to rule the world, or as I like to call it, the THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN. HAPPY DAYS and GOOD TIMES!! um… MURPHY BROWN!!!
Oh. It’s over. Oh well. Good speech, I guess?
And then later, because I couldn’t resist:
B-Side at 11:32pm August 28
DEAR JOHN McCain: I know you and Washington are BOSOM BUDDIES, but you’re no young BLOSSOM. it’s time to get in a TAXI and hit the HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN. It’s a DIFFERENT WORLD now, and you fit in like a bunch of HOMEBOYS IN OUTER SPACE!
UPDATED:
Jash at 6:04am August 29
true dat. after thinking more about it, its almost like mccain is entrenched in the past yet obama is definitely in LIVING COLOR. i would think the president should be fully committed and not MOONLIGHTING for corporate interests. he really came off as a true CHARLES IN CHARGE in his speech as opposed to one of those ninny DESIGNING WOMEN that mccain took his cues from stemming back to his formative WONDER YEARS. i mean this is the goddamn usa…not some FANTASY ISLAND!
B-Side at 9:23am August 29
Look, everyone should go out, even if it is in the HEAT OF THE NIGHT, and tell all their BROTHERS AND SISTERS, particularly their SISTERS and perhaps any HUNTERs, that Obama is no BEVERLY HILLBILLY. Yes, he certainly has a lot of FAME, but HEY, DUDE, that’s beside the point. It’s not like YOU CAN’T DO THAT ON TELEVISION. I DOUBLE DARE you to find a candidate who’d be so eager to MEET THE PRESS. I wish I was still on my high school newspaper staff — then I could have invited him to meet JUST THE TEN OF US. Or at the very least, my friend MAUDE.