Sunday’s episode of Big Brother was entertaining, but truth be told, it was nothing compared to Friday’s Big Brother After Dark. Without giving too much away, the entire house pretty much devolved into an insane fight, replete with yelling, screaming, and a random birthday party in the middle. Hopefully it will all be detailed on tonight’s Big Brother episode. Unfortunately, the clash will most likely be reduced down to a mere ten or twenty minutes when in actuality, it lasted over two hours. This might be a good thing though, as anyone who watched the raw footage had to contend with Libra declaring “My feelings were HURT!” over and over and over again. Seriously, I’m gonna have to make a montage. (For a good take on the Friday night events, click here)
Nevertheless, while we steel ourselves for tonight’s show, let’s take a look back at Sunday’s calm-before-the-storm activity via a photocap!
“MARY! ST. JOSEPH! We’re locked in competition! WE’RE LOCKED!!!”
“Don’t lose your cool, Jessie. Stay rationalized…”
“I ain’t nevah lettin’ go. It’s like my hands are locked to this pole. MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! THEY’RE LOCKED!!!”
“I already told you: the only people who don’t wear v-necks are womanizers and bartenders  and I’m NEITHER!!!”
“MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! My muscles are locking up. THEY’RE LOCKED!!!!”
“Hey Memphis, I’m lookin’ at your undahwears.”
Libra: “All I’m saying is that when I fell off that wall, my feelings were hurt, okay? Gravity hurt my feelings.”
Keesha: “You know what? Fuuuuck you, gravity! I hate that fuckin’ bitch. Let’s vote it out of the house.”
“America, I’m ready to do whatever you want me to do!”
“Except explain evolution.”
“I wonder if I can have sex with this wall…”
“If any of yous outlast me, I’m gonna crap my undahwears.”
“My name’s April, and I know how to handle a kind-of-boring competition!”
“Okay, Ollie. I’m ready.”
“We’re gonna DO IT.”
“This competition is wicked crazy. Or should I say, wicked Portuguese. It’s the same thing, really.”
“My name’s April, and I know how to handle flexibility!”
“My name’s April, and I know how to handle a post-challenge hug-fest!”
“Hey Ollie. Let’s DO IT right here!”
“Now I know how Tawm Brady felt. It’s wicked awful. Somebody get me some watah!”
“My name’s April, and I know how to handle spacing out!”
“When April won that competition instead of me, I’m not gonna lie. My feelings were HURT!”
“I don’t give a fuck about that fuckin’ bitch anymore; so FUCK her, that fuckin’ barbie bitch!!!”
“I swear to God I’m gonna stab five people tonight.”
“Sometimes I wish I had a v-neck that would just go down to my navel. That would be the best.”
“I’m so sick of people telling me who I can hang out with in this house. This pillow is my new friend and THAT’S THAT!”
“I’m not a womanizer or anything, but do you want to have sex?”
“I SEE YOUS!”
“My name’s April, and I know how to handle a nomination process.”
“Ollie and I are totally gonna DO IT on this key box.”
“MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! You’re safe! This ain’t a real key though. It doesn’t open any LOCKS!!!”
“Hooonnnnk…”
“Well, nominated again. Looks like my strategy of being a total jackass worked!”
What was that dominatrix outfit April was wearing during the competition?
This is crtyasl clear. Thanks for taking the time!
I’m going to miss all the Angie sadness jokes. Brilliant.
Your Michelle comments are the best. Now I’m fully aware that she’s watching me from her portrait. Spooky.
“I can do anything except explain evolution.” HAHAHAHAHAHA(snort)HAHAHA!!!
And did Memphis go to the Dustin Store of Nasty V-Necks? I never realized it until you brought it to my attention.
Awesome as always! I was just at the CBS site and saw that they’re recycling the wake-up call idea from a few seasons back and are currently taking submissions. You sooooo need to send in your jerry/renny old people yelling mix! HOOOONK!
Memphis, Josh from BB9 called – he wants his v-neck t-shirts back.
hb
“Except explain evolution.”
Sorry b-side but this wasn’t funny – not because I’m a tightwad about evolution but because the Roman Catholic Church doesn’t have a problem with the science of evolution. I attended catholic schools from 3rd through 9th grade and I learned about evolution there. Now if Dan were a teacher in an evangelical or fundamentalist school than it would have been funny. A better joke would have been “except wear a condom” or “eat meat on Fridays during Lent”. Ok, I mean a more “correct” joke, ’cause those aren’t funny either. Sorry I’m being anal- hey, there you go: “except having anal sex”. See sex is only for procreation so… Nevermind, let’s not go there.
Zevonia,
I went to Catholic school from 1st through 12th grade.
Lighten up.
zevonia — it was more a hyperbolic joke about his ultra-conservatism, not his Catholic beliefs.
I liked Dan’s motivational speeches. And I’m glad Jerry went off first, I worried about that honker.
Renny lasted longer than Jessie, which thrilled me to no end.
I can read how you type Michelle’s speech, all day long.
Thanks.
Are you sure it’s not spelled “WAAH-DUH”? I’m from Louisiana and I’ll bet anything that Renny pronounces it the same way.
Actually, The Power of Christ Compels Me! I don’t need to lighten up ’cause I wasn’t mad. I just get anal-retentive and overly correct sometimes.
Sorry if you thought I was pissed, b-side- sometimes I’m a little dense. Probably would have corrected you if you’d made a history “mistake”, too. I’ll try to remember this blog is about humor next time.
Actually, The Power of Christ Compels Me! I don’t need to lighten up ’cause I wasn’t mad. I just get anal-retentive and overly correct sometimes.
Sorry if you thought I was pissed, b-side- sometimes I’m a little dense. Probably would have corrected you if you’d made a history “mistake”, too. I’ll try to remember this blog is about humor next time.
Oops, sorry about the double posting. Now I’m going to go away and be mortified that I did that (blushing).