I realize that a lot of people who read this blog don’t necessarily live in Los Angeles, but that’s no reason why we all can’t simply adore this restaurant review which absolutely eviscerates one of the city’s oldest establishments, Gladstone’s of Malibu. The famed seafood joint gets the royal treatment from Leslie Brenner (subbing in for critic S. Irene Virbila), who viciously tears apart nearly every plate that descends on her unlucky table. I have to admit that I was damn glad she did it too. I ate at Gladstone’s a year ago, and I was shocked at both the pricing and the mediocrity (at best) of the food. How could a place like this be so popular? I guess one can never underestimate the power of an oceanfront view.
Nevertheless, Brenner’s review is laugh-out-loud funny at times; so much so that I just had to compile some of my favorite quotes:
- “The most important reason there are so many leftovers at Gladstone’s is that the food, for the most part, is abominable.”
- “It’s not easy to find great chowder, nor is Gladstone’s the place to seek it. Is it clam chowder? Fish chowder? Who knows.”
- “The corn is desiccated.”
- “The crab leg, with the same shape and texture as a dog chew toy, seems to suffer from freezer burn.”
- “The overriding impression is of library paste.”
- “It has the texture of undercooked crab, though the fat under the shell looks overcooked, and a bitter, metallic flavor. It’s inedible.”
- “This is among the worst menus I’ve ever seen.”
- “I’ve rarely met a taco I didn’t at least like, but these are awful.”
- “toxic-tasting”
- “It’s terrible to gaze out to the ocean and imagine the volume of precious seafood being pulled out and ruined every day by this restaurant.”
If restaurants had rectums, Gladstone’s would be sore by now.
• Review: Taking the bait at Gladstone’s Malibu [Los Angeles Times via LAist]
The last quote you posted was the best. Hilarious.
I concur.
If what you seek in a dining experience is overpriced mediocre food, anemic cocktails served by indifferent and unavailable waitstaff, in an over-hyped location served with a heaping side order of seagull poop; this is your restaurant.
I think we’ve found the next location for our annual MSR brunch!!!
Who’s with me?
Hello???
The last time I ate at Gladstones I saw Dolphins (which was great) and got food poisoning (which was miserable). The food was just as bad coming back up as it was going down.
AWESOME!!! I HATE Gladstones and had the same exact thought run through my head as I gazed out to sea while endeavoring to masticate and swallow the toxic-tasting, inedible, library-paste-horribleness that was … whatever the hell it was I ordered. They should be closed down – if not by the county health department, then by the L.A. CORONER’s Department – which is undoubtedly where one would wind up anyway if one played enough gastric roulette with GLADSTONES.