AMERICAN IDOL RECAP: A Little Less Andrew Garcia, A Little More Action

It was Elvis week on American Idol last night, and I couldn’t have been more thrilled.
[crickets]
That was sarcasm. Let’s put it this way: the only theme less interesting to me would have been the great Rascal Flatts songbook. Truth be told, I’m not a huge Elvis fan. I only have one song of his in my iTunes library, and it’s “Blue Christmas.” And yes, I was secretly hoping someone might bust out that tune on last night’s show. Memo to producers: maybe a Christmas-in-April week would be a fun change of pace? I’d love to hear Crystal Bowersox take on “All Alone On Christmas,” but I digress. The point is that the music of Elvis doesn’t do much to excite me, and on a season when the singers have collectively struggled to bring any sort of character to American Idol, I was a smidgen concerned that last night would be a snoozefest.
Good news though! It wasn’t! Maybe it was thanks to the presence of mentor Adam Lambert, last season’s runner-up, who I must now begrudgingly admit has superstar qualities (even though I spent last year attempting to take him down a peg. I still contend that he was too over the top on the show, but his post Idol success has proven that in the hands of producers, he’s certainly got a big career in front of him). Anyway, the good news was that Elvis night didn’t totally suck. In fact, many of the singers brought their A-game for the second week in a row, which was essential since tonight two wannabes will be excised from the competition. That’s right two singers will be axed thanks to last week’s last second reprieve of Big MIke. The hefty crooner was shockingly sent packing by America, but the judges exercised their one save on him, which immediately led to gorilla-style chest thumping on his part, and significant eye-rolling on mine. This was not an endearing moment for me. I’ve been growing weary of Mike’s cocky antics, particularly his penchant for pursing his lips and nodding slowly, as if Kara DioGuardi were perhaps tickling his balls at any given moment. I suppose I could forgive him for the chest thumping as he was most certainly riding a wave of intense emotion, but this week, Mike’s over-the-top antics were back, and while I’m sure he’s intending to simply appear confident, he’s instead sending off cocky vibes — the sort of cocky vibes that come from someone who thinks they can win a “pec contest,” despite having manboobs larger than Pamela Anderson.

Nevertheless, Elvis night started off with a bang by Crystal Bowersox, who continues to absolutely kill it week after week. The guitarist eschewed the didgeridoo last night and stuck with a positively uplifting and gospel-tinged version of “Saved.” I had never heard the song before, but I’m telling you, if all of Elvis’s music sounded like that, I’d be a huge fan. Crystal is just in her own league, and I think she’s actually one of the most talented women the show has ever seen. I know that’s a big statement as Idol has welcomed some truly standout women in its storied run, but Crystal brings a soulfulness that many of the other technically strong females simply do not have. Let’s hope America doesn’t screw her over.
On the other end of the spectrum is Andrew Garcia, who continues to be the worst contestant on this season of American Idol. This guy sucks. He had one inspiring moment with a Paula Abdul cover that managed to bamboozle the judges and America into think he has more talent than he does. But here’s the newsflash: he has no talent. Okay, I’ll revise that: he has talent. Just not the sort of talent that should earn him a nationwide audience week after week. And I suppose if I were being truly catty, I’d say his only talent is sucking the life out of nearly any song he sings. Case in point: his lazy, annoying rendition of “Hound Dog.” Not only does Andrew gravitate towards the cheesiest arrangements this side of Branson, MO, but he has this awful way of phrasing the lyrics, emphasizing “owww” and “aaayyyyeeee” sounds. And unless he’s gonna be singing the jingle to “Meow Mix,” that shit don’t fly with me. I’m telling you, if I had to hear him croon “You ain’t nothing but a hoowwwwwwwwwwwnd dog / crying all the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime” one more time, I was gonna cancel my pass to Idol permanently.
Thankfully, the judges and I were totally on the same wavelength. They panned him unanimously, and I’m hoping that this week, it’ll be enough to send his puffy-haired face off the show. Then again, I always think he’s going home, but someone keeps voting for him. Who the hell has his back? Where is his voting block from? The guy is totally forgettable. Shocked I am. Shocked!
Who would have thought it would be Tim Urban (or “Turban,” as Ryan called him) that would be responsible for rinsing the bitter Andrew aftertaste from America’s mouth. Performing a stripped down, sweet, and emotionally honest version of “Can’t Help Falling In Love,” Tim was actually fairly awesome this week. What the? Where did that come from? His voice wasn’t totally perfect, but his pitchy quivering sort of worked, kind of like The Fray. As Kara later said, this was certainly Tim’s best performance, and if he can actually connect to the material the way he did last night, he might have a shot at going pretty far in this competition. Way to go, Timmy Urbs!
Also nailing it was Lee Dewyze, who gave us a rousing version of “A Little Less Conversation.” Sometimes Lee sounds so uneven, I think my speakers might be busted. But on last night’s show, his growling worked just right, and as an added bonus, no errant wind instruments appeared mid-song! I was certainly a big fan of Lee’s performance, but I gotta admit that his stage presence is totally lacking. Kara was on to something when she said he needs to smile or be more playful. Lee most certainly does not fill the stage with his persona, and from week to week, I often forget that he’s on the show until he actually shows up on screen. Gotta work on your charisma, dawg!
Of course, Lee’s personality shortcomings are nothing compared to Aaron Kelly’s. The lil guy looked positively out of place attempting some Elvis-like swagger on stage. He attempted to play the role — walking robotically from the staircase to the crowd, occasionally pointing at some random person in the audience or stiffly raising his arm upwards in an effort to “testify” — but all of it looked totally inorganic. Even worse, his face was completely stoic the entire time. Blank. Empty. Emotionless. Despite what the judges occasionally say, Aaron does NOT have confidence that’s growing week by week. He looks like he’s gonna throw up every time he opens his mouth. He doesn’t have a bad voice, but he’s just too young for this show. Let’s put him out of his misery (and pretend not to think of his sweet Mom sitting by the edge of the stage cheering him on. Aww, I feel bad for her now).
Next up was Siobahn Magnus, who has been struggling of late. Her big gimmick — the scream — has been assailed for being just that: a gimmick. She’s tried to change it up, and last week, she gave us a perfectly lovely ballad. This time around, however, she performed what the judges deemed to be a schizophrenic version of “Suspicious Minds.” I sort of had to agree. Listen, I love Siobahn. She’s this season’s total wild card. But I had to agree that this was not her best performance. The arrangement was hokey, and the first half had Siobahn singing in her semi-Patsy Cline voice (which would work if she were singing Patsy Cline, or really any country tune). The second half showed Siobahn busting out her chops, and what I liked was that she didn’t have to necessarily rely on The Scream. She could totally get Tina Marie without it. Makes me wonder why she didn’t do that the whole way.
Unfortunately, the split-personality quality of the performance irked the judges, and when Simon told her she seemed to have lost her way, Siobahn responded earnestly that she doesn’t even know who she is, and she thinks that’s a good thing. It was a lovely sentiment, but let’s be honest: totally naive too. This is the music industry, Siobahn. You better get to know yourself. Quickly too.
Not lacking in the self-possessed department is Big Mike, who took to the stage next with a great acoustic version of “In The Ghetto.” The good news for him is that the last American Idol contestant to sing that song won the whole competition. The bad news is that it was Taylor Hicks. Nevertheless, despite his awful cockiness, Mike was pretty damn awesome. So awesome that the tune just sort of sped by, seemingly done after thirty seconds. The judges praise was curt on account of time issues, but high and raving nonetheless. Mike most certainly bugs me, but he definitely deserves to stay over the likes of Aaron and Andrew. Let’s hope he’s not sent home a second week in a row.
Taking the stage next was Katie Stevens who was perfectly fine this week with her rendition of “Baby What You Want Me To Do,” but I’d be lying if I said I remembered any of it. It didn’t help that I was on my iPhone through half the performance, but is that my fault or HERS? Clearly hers as I am perfect and do nothing wrong. Katie sounded fine to me, but I just didn’t think she was anything special — and that could work against her. Forgettable people tend to get cut, and we all know Katie’s fan base isn’t huge.
Casey James also gave us a solid but forgettable ditty with his bluesy performance of “Lawdy, Miss Clawdy.” I’m a big Casey fan, and last week he was exceptional. This time around though, he was good, but I had to wonder if he ever thought that performance could find success on the radio. It seems as though Idol contestants, especially this batch, never think about the endgame here. They don’t put that extra thought into making sure their performances could double as viable singles for radio airplay. Instead they just want to put on a good show, which is admirable, but not always in their best interest. Casey fell into that trap this week. Luckily, the ladies love him; so even with this misstep, he should probably be fine.
But then again, if Big MIke could wind up in the losers circle last week, YOU NEVER KNOW. There’s only one thing I’m certain of: when Ryan Seacrest said that Brian Dunkleman would be co-hosting Idol Gives Back, I got really, really excited. And then I realized it was just a joke. And then I thought Ryan was a dick. Bring back the Dunk!!
Danger Zone:
Andrew Garcia
Aaron Kelly
Katie Stevens
Dark Horse Ejectees:
Siobahn Magnus
Casey James
What did you think about the singers? Who was your favorite? Least favorite? Who should go home? Who WILL go home?