SURVIVOR PHOTOCAP: Falling To Pieces

Things have really not been so hot for the Heroes team on Survivor. Not only are they less interesting as a whole than the Villains, but they’re also significantly lacking in the skills department. To date, they’ve only won one challenge all season, and no matter what they do, they can’t seem to get their heads on straight. Serves them right. They never should have ousted my favorite of the group, Cirie.
Nevertheless, the gang just cannot get their act together, and the more they stumble, the uglier it gets. Of course, that’s what we all love, but there’s also nothing worse than having the image tarnished of a former favorite (ie. James). Yes, the friendly giant has proven to be not so friendly this season, and while I still do rank him as one of my all time favorite Survivor players, even I must confess that he’s turned into quite the asshole this go-around. Karma’s a bitch though. This latest episode saw James suffer not only a debilitating injury but also the embarrassment of having his voice sound like a frantic duck during one shout-heavy challenge. It will be a miracle if he lasts another episode.

Of course, it was a miracle that he even lasted this latest episode. Injured players often get the boot on Survivor, but thanks to a strong alliance, the Heroes kept James around, opting to instead give Tom the boot. It was a pretty tense standoff. On one side of the tribe were James, Amanda, and Rupert. On the other were Tom, Colby, and Candice. In the end, it all came down to JT (actually, no. Candice flip-flopped and voted out Tom). Nevertheless, both sides made impassioned pleas to JT to vote their way, and the entire time, I didn’t understand why no one thought to turn the tables on the entire situation and vote JT’s squirmy ass off. Unlike Tocantins, JT’s country-boy innocent act isn’t working too well; so why not excise the sneakiest dude on the tribe — especially since a) he has all the power, and b) he’s already won the game. Seemed like a logical move to me.
Meanwhile, over at the Villains, Russell continued to dig himself a grave by hunting yet again for the immunity idol. This week, he actually found it — sort of his specialty — but not without incurring further suspicion from the king of the tribe: Boston Rob. Clearly this is going to be a showdown for the ages, and Russell’s an idiot if he thinks he can pull a fast one on this tribe of conniving gamers. Nevertheless, he recruited Parvati further into his circle of trust, revealing the idol to her privately. It was just about the dumbest thing he could have done as everyone knows trusting Parvati is like give a thousand dollars to a bum and asking them to just look after it for two days. I should note that the bum is a meth head who happens to be craving a thousand dollars worth of narcotics. Okay, clunky analogy. Point is, Parvati is trouble. Heck, her name should be Parva-trouble (okay, I’m really not on my game right now). Russell has gotten too cocky, and soon he’s gonna get bit. The question is when. If the previews are any indication, it looks like we’re in store for quite the showdown on the next episode. Boston Rob better get rid of him now because if Russell makes it to the merge, I guarantee he’ll raise trouble. And not just any trouble: Parva-trouble.
To the photos!

Rob: “I feel like a frickin’ fruit loop doing this. Go Sawx.”

Russell: “Check it out. I’ve got the immunity idol.”
Parvati: “FINE. I’ll have sex with you.”

Rob: “Rupert and I got JT. Do your thing, Russell!”
Russell: “One atomic wedgie, coming right up!”

“[sniffle] Why did we have to be so proud? I never said I didn’t want [sniffle sniffle] a piece of chocolate!”

Amanda: “I don’t know what I’m doing! I played Dr. Mario, not Tetris!!!”

“Must… eat… Rob’s… brains…”

“Nothing has prepared me for this level of hardship, and I’ve been living in a cardboard box for six years!”

“Excuse me, why are you laughing at my ode to Samuel L. Jackson hats?”

“Hey Jerri. How about I throw your FACE into a POLE! ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!”

Rupert: “Jerri, oh my GOSH! I did NOT mean to do that! When I threw your head directly into the pole, I didn’t think your head would directly hit the pole!”
Jerri: “Whatever you say, fat man. Don’t think I forgot about that shitty shelter you built for us on All Stars either!”

“I wonder if anyone would mind if I pooped on the chocolate cupcakes.”

With the technique successfully down pat, the tribe prepares for its first ever fisting circle.

“Courtney, could you please stop singing the Tetris theme song?”
“I CAN’T HELP IT! IT’S IN MY HEAD! Do, do-do-doo do-do-doo do-do-DOO…”

“Goddamnit. Coutney got that song in my head.”

“Do do do dooo do do dooo do do dooo. Do do doo do dooo…”
“STOP IT RUPERT!”
“I CAN’T!”

“Wow. I can’t believe that toucan just punched me in the jaw. Who knew they could do that?”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my latest musical composition. I call it ‘Dragon Fire, Tortured Warrior.’ Ahem: do do do doo do do doo do do do. Do do do do dooo. Do do DO do do doo do do–“
“Coach, you’re just singing the Tetris song again.”
“Shut up, SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE! Words hurt!”

“I DON’T CARE IF MY VOICE SUDDENLY SOUNDS LIKE HARVEY FIERSTEIN’S. MOVE THE BLOCKS!”

James: “Okay, on the count of three. One… two… three…”
Group: “Do do do doo do do doooo do do dooooo. Do dooo do do dooo.”
James: “C’mon Rupert. Stay in key!”
“I’m tryin’, brother!”
Candice: “I don’t even like Tetris.”
Everyone: “SHUT THE HELL UP, CANDICE.”

James: “I can beat anyone in a foot race, even your weak ass niece, Jeff.”
Tom: “Okay, let’s settle down heeya.”
JT: “Do we have to vote someone off? Can’t we just sing the Tetris song again?”

What did you think about the episode? Did the Heroes get rid of the right person?