Happy Birthday Ina Garten!

Call the fun police! Today is Ina Garten’s birthday, which means our favorite kitchen maven has most certainly arranged a splendid party for all her gays (and Jeffrey) in the Hamptons. Surely on the menu: an orange floral arrangement courtesy of Michael, a refined table arrangement (not tablescape) courtesy of Miguel, some good quality mustard slaw courtesy of Anna Pump, some fresh yet flawed meringues courtesy of Frank, a box of day-old Costco cookies from TR (that lazy bastard), and a bottle of prosecco and some attitude courtesy of Barbara Lieberman. On piano will be Susan Stroman (aka Stroh) and the cast of Young Frankenstein, who will be only more than happy to reprise their performance of “Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be With Ina In The Moooorning” — but that’s mostly because they’re all out of work and looking for a gig.
Luckily for them, opportunity might strike when Broadway alumnus and local neighbor Rob Marshall drops by in need of good cheer in the wake of Nine’s poor critical reception. His frown will be turned upside down when Ina serves him a giant slice of pain perdue and then announces that it’s time for Ask Ina. The next ten minutes will then consist of Ina bashing cilantro and raw fennel before suddenly closing her laptop and declaring “Well, I’ve answered every question there can be about THAT” — even though there are still hundreds more questions in the wings, most of them from the Young Frankenstein cast, who know much about singing but little about cooking. Still, they’ll be shamed into silence when Jeffrey chirps, “That was the best Ask Ina segment I’ve ever seen!” to which Ina will reply, “You always say that! How about some sorbet?” Jeffrey will nod his head excitedly (while Barbara Lieberman quietly mutters “I would have volunteered frozen yogurt”), and as Ina rises to fetch the frozen dessert, she’ll deliver a firm warning: “Don’t have fun without me!” Everyone agrees not to have fun, but they most certainly will — except for one poor Young Frankenstein day player who’ll be too busy avoiding TR’s heavy-handed advances to be able to enjoy this party. All par for the course at the Barefoot Contessa’s house!
Hope you have a wonderful day, Ina!