The ongoing saga of Lynne and her daughter Alexa ratcheted up in intensity last night on The Real Housewives of Orange County as the two butted heads more ferociously than ever before. It began in the car with Lynne (who drives like an old lady) insisting that her daughter didn’t respect her enough. Alexa, meanwhile, countered that she felt like no one paid attention to her, a notion that was perhaps reinforced by Lynne promptly cutting her daughter off and insisting that they go shopping.
There wasn’t much purchasing going on in the South Coast Plaza Mall, however, because the two women soon wound up on a bench where further accusations from both parties fell on deaf ears. Alexa again demanded attention, Lynne again demanded respect, and the whole thing culminated with Alexa calling her mom a bitch. This was what I like to call a record scratch moment — one that I thought would push Lynne to a breaking point. However, instead of snapping back with an angry rebuke (take away that trollop’s cell phone, lady!), Lynne just sighed and hung her head in her hands. She explained to us via interview that she was in such a state of shock that she didn’t know what to say. That of course is part of the problem. If I told a friend she was a bitch (and actually meant it), she would probably be similarly shocked. If I told my mom that — even now at 31 — she would NOT have it. And thus based on that non-scientific evidence, I’d say Lynne’s problem is that she sees herself as the friend, not the parent. But we all knew that.
Nevertheless, Lynne and Alexa continued to bicker and fight, with Alexa growing more brash and saying things like “kiss my ass” and whatnot. Ultimately, she made a disparaging remark about Lynne’s cuffs, and that’s when the shit hit the fan (as much as it can with Lynne). Call mom a bitch, that’s okay. Make fun of her beloved cuffs? Now you got a problem. Lynne suddenly became persnickety, seemingly more offended that her own daughter would deride her handiwork than anything else. It was all sort of sad and awful, and thankfully, the scene ended before this viewing experience could grow any more uncomfortable.
Meanwhile, in Gretchen land, our bubbly blonde was up to nothing in particular, save for a joyride or two on her much-discussed pink motorcycle. When she wasn’t cruising around town, she was consulting with her makeup artist friend on their joint cosmetic line, called Gretchen Christine, I believe. Oh wait, it’s Gretchen Christine Beauté. Why? Just because. I mean, who wouldn’t add a gratuitous French word to the end of their product line? Makes it seem all classy and such!
Anyway, I have a high tolerance for the silly things these women do, but watching them try on makeup was not one of them. Hopefully we’ll never see this product again (spoiler alert: we do next week). Speaking of brain-numbing things, our old pneumatic friend Alexis decided she wanted to have a lunch even with a gourmet cook in an effort to get Tamra and Gretchen to bury the hatchet. Why she cared so much is beyond me, and why she thought having these two women getting along would be good TV is also a head-scratcher. Nevertheless, Alexis floated the idea by Jim, who as usual offered up his own pompous input which she just blindly followed. It’s painful watching this woman — not so much because she’s beholden to Jim but more because she seems to lack any sort of substance. Plus, she vaguely reminds me in a very strange way of Cheers-era Kirstie Alley (and we all know how THAT turned out).
Well, the ladies all came over to Alexis’s abode for a cooking seminar, and much fun was had. I should note that Vicki was not present (both at the event and in the episode for the most part — save one accident prone scene involving cocktail sauce, red wine, and bird shirt). Anyway, the ladies all looked like they were having a blast as they prepped and cooked their halibut, and Lynne — still rattled by the whole Alexa exchange — decided to guzzle about four bottles of wine. By the time everyone sat down to lunch, the woman was three sheets to the wind, and let me tell you, it was not a pretty sight. She looked like a confused ventriloquist dummy. Then again, she sort of always looks like that.
With everyone having such a lovely time, Alexis decided she would finally broach the Tamra-Gretchen subject. It was clearly a moment she’d been anticipating for hours, and when she finally did address it with an awkward “So you guys are okay now, right??” things certainly screeched to a halt. Gretchen and Tamra immediately clammed up, with each one pretending to take the high road and say they were simply above the cattiness. For now.
Oddly enough, the tension then moved from Gretchen and Tamra to Gretchen and Lynne as once again, the whole parenting issue came up. Lynne insisted that Gretchen had no right to tell her how to parent, and Gretchen explained that she merely was expressing concern. In her drunken state, however, Lynne really wasn’t capable of hearing what Gretchen was saying (hey, maybe that Alexa girl is on to something…), and the whole thing eventually blew up in their faces as Gretchen announced that just because Lynne had popped a baby out didn’t mean she automatically knew how to parent. This led to Lynne pointing her finger and screaming “FUCK YOU!” (ah, so she CAN get mad!), and in turn this resulted in Lynne totally breaking down in sobs and finally letting out all her emotions and anxiety about being a parent. I’m not gonna lie: it was fairly riveting. Say what you will about reality TV, but as staged as some of these events are, moments like these are undeniably raw and captivating. Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m above snickering, and snicker I did as Lynne’s much-altered face contorted into all sorts of strange folds and creases with each ensuing sob. Grotesque is a word that comes to mind.
Bitch is another word that comes to mind. And I reserve that not for Lynne or Gretchen, but for Tamra, who sat there sympathetically but silent. As Lynne reiterated over and over again that Gretchen and Alexis didn’t know what it was like to raise teenagers yet, I kept waiting for Tamra to pipe up and perhaps offer her perspective. But she didn’t. And maybe that’s a good thing because let’s face it: I wouldn’t call Ryan a product of stellar parenting either. The point is, however, she must have at least some sort of perspective by now, and the fact that she didn’t share it (as far as we could tell) felt a bit obnoxious to me.
Nevertheless, I can only wonder how this predicament will play out, and in the meantime… a photocap!
“I can’t believe Alexa called me a bitch. I could just YELL at her right now. But I won’t.”
“Is there any way to make his hair look like fake boobs? Because that would be wonderful.”
Alexis: “I really like it so far!”
Jim: “It’s not good.”
Alexis: “Yeah, I really don’t like it.”
“You better hope I don’t stab you with this knife because this blade is HOT, on account of it being metal, which is a conductor of things like HEAT, which I have on account of me being so HOT.”
“FUCK YOU, Gretchen! I do discipline my girls. Like the other day, I sighed at Alexa, okay? I SIGHED!!!”
Tamra: “ARE YOU DRIVING TO BASS LAKE????”
“Mom, you don’t understand. Avatar was SUCH a beautiful movie. It’s like you don’t even CARE about the Na’vi!!!!”
“Here, while I wipe the BIRD SHIT off your forehead, could you remind me about the specials?”
“Alexa, I don’t think you even appreciate that this staircase is moving. I mean, what’s that about? A moving staircase? I knew I shouldn’t have come here stoned.”
“Please can we change the subject? If I sob anymore, my face will literally fall off.”
“Here, Alexa. Let me put some whore makeup on you.”
“Great!”
“Don’t mind me, Simon. I’m just gonna enjoy some HOT coffee. Or as I like to call it, ME COFFEE. You know, because I’m so HOT. Like coffee — that’s been brewed on the sun, the HOTTEST place of all!”
“I like rainbows.”
“This isn’t wine, Donn. It’s Jeana’s blood.”
“Aren’t I sexy in my motorcycle BEAUTÉ??”
“Lynne, you’re just a horrible, horrible mother. But I say that only because I care.”
Gretchen: “Isn’t this so much fun??”
Tamra: “Yeah, so much fun that I could just STAB you with this knife. Hahahhahaha!!!”
What did you think about this episode? Thoughts on Lynne and Alexa?
All I can say is that Lynne and Frank better keep a close watch on that girl. She’s going to fall through the cracks if they don’t starting disciplining and setting boundaries. Lynne better stop her drinking/drugging and get a grip on reality. Can’t wait to see the episode when they get served with the eviction notice. Talk about a sad, sad family and yet they put themselves out there for us all to watch. I’d be mortified…………
B—Your stating the obvious of taking her phone away and dealing with Lexa in ANYWAY makes you a better parent than Lynn. My freaking DOG is a better parent than Lynn.
I hate this show.
I only watch it to make myself feel better about me!
Like I commented in the preview post for this ep, I put much, if not all, of the Gretchen/Lynne animosity squarely on Tamra’s shoulders. We SAW Lynne telling Gretchen it was ok to take Alexa out, that she hoped Alexa would open up to Gretchen, etc. Then all of a sudden, after talking with Tamra, Lynne is APPALLED that Gretchen would dare speak to her daughter, that Gretchen was trying to tell her how to parent, and on and on. There is no doubt in my mind that Tamra filled Lynne’s head with all this BS, and since Lynne is Lynne, she adopted these thoughts easily as her own, since she doesnt really have a mind of her own.
And watching what happened at the table, with Tamra sitting there LOVING the fight between Gretchen and Lynne, there is no doubt that she had a hand in this. Lynne and Gretchen are not without blame, but somehow I come away with the impression that much of this (the G vs. L fighting) is Tamra’s doing.
“She looked like a confused ventriloquist dummy. Then again, she sort of always looks like that.” LMAO!
Once in middle school I flipped off my dad and he saw me. I NEVER did that again. Get some balls Lynne. Alexa would be in lock down at my house.
Tamara is A TOTAL BITCH. She made some snotty comments about how Lynne needed to discipline better. After she raised the date raper Ryan she really should just keep her mouth shut.
Even Alexa knows how to parent. She said “ground me; take away my phone; make me stay home.” Good advice.
Tamara’s advice would be “don’t let her get nugget tattooed on her inside lip.” Also good advice.
Gretchen spent more time selecting & putting on her ‘Bike
Ensemble’ than she spent on the bike.
hb
You took the words right out of my mouth about Lynne looking grotesque crying at the table. It was hard to watch. She is always hard to watch.
Tamra is a schemer and I agree it was obnoxious to just sit there and say nothing.
Alexis has no mind of her own. Jim pulls the strings and she moves. Sad.
I think it’s very scary that Vicki is the only somewhat sane one this year.
She said “Nugget”
I also noticed this during the Alexia Lynn fight. When Lynn had given up any desire to parent and Alexia walked away and she ran around the corner of the glass wall and down the mall … she had the stupid cuff on her arm. That was after she took the cuff off and threw it at her mother across the table. This really made me think STAGED!!!! How much of this fight is real and how much is to get Alexai more tv time this year. She watched her sister Drunk act last year but now it is HER turn
I’m thinking I should invest in Kleenex products with all the crying (um, fake crying) they do on this show. Then again, they probably use a designer brand, so that wouldn’t do any good…