SURVIVOR PHOTOCAP: Million Dollar Baby

If you haven’t seen last night’s epic two hour Survivor: Samoa finale (followed by the always too-short reunion), then you best turn away from this post right now. In fact, you should just walk away from your computer because chances are it’s gonna be ruined for you either here or on Facebook or on Twitter or who else knows where. Why? Well, let’s just say it’s gotten people a bit upset. Details after the jump…

The major bombshell was that after a season of dominating the show in every possible way, Russell failed to win over the jury, earning only two votes total as Natalie walked home with the million dollars (and the much coveted title of Sole Survivor). To say Russell was devastated is an understatement. The guys was completely unmoored. With watery eyes and an unsteady voice, we weren’t sure if he was about to cry or punch someone in the face. He clearly expected to win, and the surprise victory for Natalie not just took the wind out of his sails, it all but sunk his once mighty boat. That being said, his unraveling state was truly compelling TV, and watching his inability to accept this fate was at once fascinating and horrifying.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s talk about the show. Things started off with the four Foa Foas and mute wunderkinder Brett jockeying for a spot in the final four. After much talk about how truly inconceivable it would be for Brett to win a third immunity challenge in a row, the gang headed off to a shabby ropes course where — you guessed it — the Silent But Deadly holdover from Galu managed to take home that coveted necklace yet again. I imagine viewers across the country groaned in unison (I know I did) as we were finally faced with the inevitable realization that our beloved Foa Foas would have to take out one of their own. It became an issue of Mick or Jaison. One would be better at snatching immunity from Brett (Mick), and one would be better to triumph over at the jury (Jaison). Of course, this was all according to Natalie and Russell, who for some reason seemed to be enjoying a carte blanche in the target department. I don’t know why the hell Jaison and Mick didn’t just team up with Brett and knock off big Russ or at least Natalie. After all, Jaison and Mick clearly must have known that each of them were on the chopping block (although, in post-show interviews, Jaison has professed to being totally blindsided). Why not flip the tables, take themselves off the block, and put the pressure on Russell? The only thing I can imagine is that each of them thought taking Russell to the end would be beneficial as he would be an easy opponent to defeat in front of the jury. Still, when it’s a situation where you and someone else are vying for the same swing vote, you gotta switch things up and kick off the swing vote. Did we learn nothing from Rob Cesternino (Survivor: Amazon). The person who’s calling the shots has to go!
Well, Jaison and Mick instead left their fate in Russell and Natalie’s hands, and in a mild surprise, the group voted Jaison off the island (devastating news for my mom, who announced to me that Jaison was the most impressive to her. And no, my mom doesn’t watch Survivor, but I forced her to last night). The gang then returned to camp, and the next day, Russell made a surprising move: he allied with Brett. Or so it appeared. The two agreed that they’d each take each other to the final three should they win the final immunity. It was a smart move on Russell’s part, but I would have been shocked had Brett actually believed that Russell would live up to his word. Then again, I was already pretty damn shocked that Brett was even engaging anyone in conversation.
Anyway, the four trotted out to the immunity challenge (via a prolonged yet enjoyable trip down memory lane to celebrate fallen Survivors), and then it was AWN. In one of the most tense endurance challenges ever, Jeff Probst made the players balance a figurine atop a steadily growing series of polls — thus continuing the balancing act tradition that was started with the teacups in Gabon. Every time the wind blew, I tensed up, and after Mick and Natalie fell out of the competition, we were left with just Russell and Brett — a veritable David and Goliath, if you will. The prospect of Brett sneaking into the final three was entirely too painful for me to imagine. He had to lose. He had to!
But then Russell’s hands began to shake. His poll shifted. His figurine teetered. It looked like it would be curtains for our piggy antihero… but no! He recovered! And suddenly both guys were in it again. As for me, I was shaking like a dead leaf in the wind (then again, that could have been thanks to the freezing cold weather here in the Northeast. Can’t. Wait. For. LA WEATHER). Anyway, I was about to lose it. There were only so many shots of the polls bending and the figurines listing that I could take. Much credit goes to the editors who did a phenomenal job wringing excitement from every single image on screen.
Thankfully, it was Brett who lost in the end, which meant at last he’d be going home. Or would he? There was some debate over whether or not Russell might vote Mick out against Natalie’s wishes, thus sending the vote to a tie, which would then lead to a fire-starting competition. Not an ideal scenario for us Foa Foa fans as such a situation would clearly lend itself to a Brett victory. Why? Well, first off, in the beginning of the season, Mick seemed fairly clueless around a piece of flint (remember that douchebag Ben had to teach him how to properly use it?). Second, if there’s anything I’d expect out of Brett, it would be monster Boy Scout skillz, starting with the ability to start a fire using two pebbles and a palm frond. There was no way this could work out in Mick’s favor.
Luckily, disaster was averted. Russell stuck true to Foa Foa and voted off Brett, allowing him to enter the final three with his old buddies Mick and Natalie. We then witnessed the obligatory filler segment as the three of them ate a tasty breakfast the next day, reminisced on the good times, and then burned everything down — a ritual I always find to be highly dangerous to the surrounding wildlife, but that’s just me. (Actually, I sort of zoned out during this portion of the show; so I don’t remember for sure if they burned down their camp, but I’m assuming they did). Before heading off to the final Tribal Council, however, Russell regaled his tribe-mates with his plans to sway the jury and win the big prize. His confidence was boundless, and being the seasoned Survivor viewer that I am, a few red flags popped up. After all, we know the tried and true rule of Survivor: if someone declares victory, it always ends in defeat. Clearly this could not end well for Russell. As Mick said at one point, it’s not like he got to the finals alone.
Well, the threesome eventually trudged their way into Tribal Council for a third time, and at last it was time to face the jury. No matter what, this brilliant segment is always one of my favorite parts of every Survivor season. Who will flop? Who will get emotional? And which bitter jury member will ask a totally bizarre question in a fit of bitterness?
First up were the opening speeches. Dr. Mick Trimming kicked things off, and I gotta say… he kind of bombed. Knowing he had to separate himself from Russell, he attempted to say “Hey, I’m a nice guy, Russell isn’t.” But alas, he mentioned the dreaded “m” word — as in, “moral” — and that’s when things went downhill for him. He didn’t go so far as to say he hadn’t lied or backstabbed, but at that point, it didn’t matter. Everyone on the jury had heard him allude to the fact that he’d taken the moral high ground, and they were ready to pounce (as evidenced by the mini montage of people like Shambo shaking their heads in disgust). We’ve seen it happen time and time again — someone tries to paint themselves as a good person to the jury, and it fails immensely (note Amanda from China and Micronesia who failed TWICE using the strategy).
Natalie, meanwhile, sort of did the same thing in her opening speech. I can’t honestly remember what she had said because it was so generic and foofy, but she did at least highlight the fact that her alignment with Russell was a strategical move and worthy of respect. Not an amazing opener, but decent enough.
Russell, however, came out gangbusters. He made a brilliant case for himself, noting how he found immunity idols without clues, masterminded the dismantling of Galu, and physically beat Brett to advance to the final three. Russell was articulate, passionate, and well-spoken. He had clearly won this first round, and I personally had a hard time thinking he could be beaten.
Soon the questions began, starting with Jaison, who was nearly unrecognizable with the shaved head, eyeglasses, and preppy summer garb. Being that he was a law student, Fullbright scholar, and generally well-educated man, I expected a certain level of intelligence with his question. Instead we got a bitter display that really did nothing to affect anything. He requested that everyone state their current occupations, and when the trio ‘fessed up to their jobs, Jaison announced to the jury that they were all well-off and not in desperate need of this money at all. CASE CLOSED!
With that waste of an interrogation gone, we then went through a series of questions, most of which I can’t really remember now. Shambo was rather bitter, and she accused Mick of being feckless. Unfortunately, he didn’t know the definition of the word (and neither did Shambo, I fear), and so he wasn’t able to really defend himself. In fact, Mick kind of did a weak job of truly articulating why he should get the money. It almost seemed as though the jury was begging him to just SAY IT. But his low-key demeanor suggested a lack of passion, which may or may not have been an accurate connotation, but existed nonetheless.
In terms of bizarre questions, Brett took the cake when he asked Mick what they’d do on a bro date. Mick seemed a bit caught off guard, and so he opened up with a light joke about caressing Brett’s cheek and serving him breakfast in bed (or something like that). Then, perhaps fearing that his remarks were being taken for face value, Mick announced that the two of them would hang out and talk about girls and sports. Literally. He said that. I half expected him to lower his voice and announce, “Don’t you just love having sex with women, on account of our raging heterosexuality??” It was awkward.
Nevertheless, Brett revealed the reasoning behind his question: he wanted to gauge how well the finalists had gotten to know HIM as a person. I just love when the jurors get all sanctimonious and narcissistic. Like it would REALLY matter if Mick had forged a bond with Brett or not. Besides, Brett hadn’t spoken the entire season. Why should Mick have gotten to know him. He probably thought the kid was just some island apparition.
Anyway, I’m trying to remember the other questions, but I can’t. I seem to remember Dave Ball being shockingly mature and polite — same for Monica. Laura was like a whatever. John seemed bitter, but again, I don’t remember what he had said. Kelly — who’s Kelly? Oh yeah. The other silent cast member. She said something or another. Again, unmemorable.
Oh wait wait — someone (I forget who) asked Russell what he was like outside of Survivor. He declared that he was a completely different person. In fact, he went so far to say that he cared most about honor, loyalty, and virtue — or something of that ilk. Needless to say, this didn’t seem to resonate with the jury. That was the moment when he started to lose them. They didn’t believe him, and he could see it. For a brief instance, panic flickered on his eyes.
It didn’t help matters that Natalie’s responses, while not amazing, were certainly starting to gain traction. She reiterated over and over again that she had to ride Russell’s coattails because had she asserted herself, she would have been voted off. Natalie also happily took credit for the Erik power play, and I had to admit, her case was definitely getting stronger (poor Mick seemed somewhat checked out at this point, especially as juror after juror railed on him for having a sense of entitlement — again, a negative reaction to the moral high ground tack he’d taken, perhaps inadvertently).
Finally, it was time for Erik to close things out. He didn’t have so much a question but a rant. With a surprisingly shaky voice, he essentially laid out a compelling argument for the jury to take in, noting that while Russell may have made the big moves, all three people sitting before them had reached that point by being dangerous in some fashion. Their strategies had successfully taken them to the end, he noted, and the truth was, it didn’t make sense as to why Natalie should be penalized for being a perceived “weak” player when Russell, who backstabbed and lied his way to the top, should get a free pass (Erik also derided Mick’s “delusional entitlement”). It was a great argument in my book — one that has been long overdue. While Russell certainly had done a huge amount to get to the top three, his path to the top certainly was no more legitimate than anyone whose strategy was to ride the coattails. Why not let somebody do all the grunt work if they want to? This happens every season — someone allies with a strong player and makes it to the end, only to learn that such a strategy is not worthy of $1 million. Of course it is! Why not? It’s not easy making it to the top three, and quite honestly, it’s not as black and white as one person doing EVERYTHING and the other just benefiting from riding the coattails. (I’d like to note that THIS is the speech that Mick should have made, but that’s neither here nor there).
Anyway, Erik ultimately brought Natalie to tears, saying that perhaps the person who thinks she deserves the prize the least maybe deserves it the most. Had Russell been smart, he would have interjected and said that once again, Natalie has someone else do her dirty work — even when it comes to defending herself — but as far as the editing was concerned, he stayed quiet.
Well, we then headed to the live show, and voila! Everyone was fat again! Yay! (Or at least nourished) Despite Erik’s compelling speech, I still felt that this was Russell’s to lose. And sure enough… it was! The big boy lost it spectacularly, earning only two jury votes (sadly, Dr. Mick Trimming earned none), and Natalie took home the big prize. Major shock indeed. In fact, many people have been calling it massively anticlimactic. I wouldn’t go that far. I personally would have voted for Russell (although, I might have changed my tune had I been stuck with him at camp for two weeks); however, I do not begrudge Natalie’s win. Like I said earlier, her strategy was totally legit, and in the end, she clearly played a better social game. That cannot be overlooked. Russell was a pitbull, and as Jaison noted during the reunion, he’s the sort of guy people deal with everyday at work and hate. He may have been edited to be this amazing character we love and hate, but Survivor is more than being the best schemer or the best athlete. It’s about winning over your peers too, and Russell failed on that critical front.
Of course, that’s not what he wanted to hear. Russell was totally distraught with the outcome of the show. He wanted to win so badly that when presented with the runner-up position, he seemed unable to accept it. In fact, he went so far as to offer Natalie $10,000 for the mere title of “Sole Survivor.” It was, to put it lightly, pathetic. Here was a man so consumed by the game that now when it was over, he was still maneuvering for better position.
Russell also portrayed incredibly bitterness too. When Jaison rebuked Russell’s claims that he should be the winner, Russell rose from his seat, pulled out some fresh, white socks, and pretended to hand them to him before tossing them into the fire instead (a reference to Russell’s sock burning earlier in the season). The outburst was simultaneously funny and sad — a sudden temper tantrum that seemed to confirm all the worst parts of his personality. Clearly, this was a man for whom the game had not ended. Despite his earlier claims, Russell did not appear to be all that different from the guy he was on Survivor, and that’s kind of scary. Plus, he looked ridiculous in his little hat and too-tight shirt. Let’s just put that out there.
In terms of appearance, everyone looked pretty good overall on the reunion show. Natalie had certainly rebounded back from her starvation diet in Samoa — as did Shambo, who managed to butcher the use of “lambast” so massively that my mother proclaimed, “I don’t know WHAT she just said.” We also caught up with Betsy, one of my early favorites, who reminded us of her thick New England accent (especially when she pronounced her kid Marley’s name as “Mahlee”). She also informed us that whenever Jeff speaks her name, she starts to sweat, causing Jeff’s eyes to widen with shock (and perhaps glee). Be careful, Betsy. Probst isn’t afraid to sew his wild oats with the Survivor alums.
Anyway, the reunion was tragically too short for my tastes. I would have liked to have heard Jeff grill Ben a bit more and perhaps get into a few of the feuds, but alas, there wasn’t enough time. We did, however, get to see who had won the fan favorite, and that honor went to… Russell! So at least the sulking second placer got some vindication. Meanwhile, the other two runners up for the prize were Shambo (makes sense) and… Brett? How the hell did he get into the top three? No one even knew he was on the show until about midway through Sunday’s telecast. Oh well.
And now on to the photocap…

Russell: “I wonder if maybe I shouldn’t have bought this shirt at Baby Gap.”

Natalie: “OMG, y’all! There’s a hobo right next to me! Please let me stab him in the abdomen. I can’t deal, y’all!”

“MICK, I just won, y’all!”
“I’m aware. After all, I’m Dr. Mick Trimming. I know these things.”

Russell: “I think my belly button is swallowing my shirt.”

“Don’t mind me. I’m just gonna stand here and SMOLDER.”

Jaison: “Hey, who’s this cute lesbian sitting next to me?”

Russell: “Sometimes, when I’m ridin’ the rails, I see rats this big. I seen ’em, I do. Spare a dollar?”

Russell: “I am the greatest survivor ever! I’m so into the game, I still don’t shower. OR use deodorant!”
Natalie: “Yeah, we can see that.”

“In case anyone is wondering, the answer is no — I will never tire of wearing thin sweaters on the reunion shows.”

Russell: “Man, Jeff, that was a scary situation out there. I was so livid at you. I was like ‘Heeee wakes up in the morrrning. Does his teeth bite to eat and he’s rollllling.'”
Jeff: “Okay, Russell, we get it.”
“‘Never changes aaaaa thing.'”
“Yes, yes.”
“‘The week ends, the week begins.’ Shambo on sax!!!!”

Russell: “Wait, wait, Jeff. I wanna tell you about my out-of-body experience.”
Jeff: “Okay.”
“Well, it was like… Take these chaaaaaaaaaaaancccces. Place them in a box until a quieter time. Lights down, you up and die. Shambo on bass!!”

“Why yes, I am standing next to this sign. That’s what I do. After all, I am Dr. MICK TRIMMING.”

“Hey guys. Do you like my t-shirt? I made it from my skin! Can’t tell where one ends and the other begins!”

Russell: “This sure is better than another night in the homeless shelter!”

“I got a big pastel sweater, and you don’t! Suck it, bitches!”

What did you think about the finale? Thoughts on Natalie’s win? Did she deserve to win? And did your impression of Russell change with the live show?