BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Final Stretch

Well, we’re at the end of the Big Brother season. Tonight marks the two hour finale where hopefully Natalie will be deprived of $500,000 (perhaps even the runner-up $50,000 prize) and be confronted with all her lies and awfulness. Sadly though, this is Big Brother, and such lofty dreams rarely come true. Nevertheless, it was wonderful watching her LOSE part two of the Head of Household competition on Thursday — a competition that made my heart race entirely way more than it should have. I’m hoping that Jordan pulls off the surprise victory tonight, but let’s face it — she’s still a long shot. Kevin is the odds-on favorite to win. If he takes Natalie, he’ll surely take the big prize because the jury seems annoyed at the little Maltese’s duplicity. Kevin, at least, has played fairly honestly and has made some big moves. The jury will like that. Still, I want Jordan to win. If she and Kevin head to the final two together, he’s still probably going to emerge victoriously, but who knows — Jordan will have Jeff’s vote, maybe Michele’s, and if Natalie winds up on the jury as a result of Kevin backstabbing her, maybe she’ll give her vote to Jordan too. Probably not though. After all, Natalie is AWFUL and would never do anything good like that. Of course, should Kevin backstab Natalie at the last second, I’d be totally fine with him earning the big prize. It would be worth it to see the look on Natalie’s stupid face (meanwhile, I can guarantee that the look on Kevin’s face would be obscured by his hands firmly placed on his cheeks).
Anyway, there’s no use getting into a tizzy about tonight. The results will be here soon enough. In the meantime, photos from the previous two episodes after the jump…

“I hate this rain. It’s like being in a shower. GROSS!”

“Hey, look at me in this crown! You should call me Shotgun King of the Big Plastic Cups Russell the Love Muscle!”

“Hey Lydia, wanna DO ME?”
“Ewww! What sort of girl do you think I am?”
“The kind that’ll DO ME.”
“Well, when you put it that way… okay!”

“Check out my facial hair. I guess that’s why they call me Shotgun Grew A Lil’ Beard Russell The Love Muscle.”

“Hey look at the way I’m slumped over and have my leg up. It’s what all the rockers do.”

“Check it out. My bowling shirt is open. That’s so hardcore.”

“I also hold my sunglasses in my hands. It’s very Twisted Sister. They were big in the ’80s.”

Danielle: “Um, Dick, when was the last time you washed those Mom Jeans?”

“This reminds me of being in gym class, a staple experience of high school, which I just graduated from on account of being an eighteen year old girl, WHICH I AM!”

Natalie: “I’m gonna miss you, Jessie.”
Jessie: “And I’m gonna miss — ew, you smell like wet dog.”

“When Jessie left the house, it reminded me of saying goodbye to all my college friends… who obviously don’t exist on account of me being just a teenager about to matriculate, WHICH I AM.”

“Do you know what they did to me? They took away my frozen tacos! MY FROZEN TACOS!!!”

Kevin: “FUCK YOU, RONNIE! FUCK YOU!!!! Oh my God, you guys. I just totally got into a fight. You guyyyyyssss. I’m scaaaared!”

“My lats are ridiculously jacked and tan. Too bad my dick is so small.”

Kevin: “You guyyyyyysss, let’s hug!”
Jordan: “This is nice.”
Natalie: “This reminds me of graduation night of high school just three short months ago, WHICH IT WAS.”
Kevin: “Who smells like wet dog?”

Russell: “Hey Ronnie. Don’t mind me. They used to call me Shotgun Walks Just A Little Too Close Russell the Love Muscle.”

“How exciting for me to drink alcohol considering that I am merely eighteen years old and three years under the legal age, WHICH I AM.”

“Hey Jeff, I got a secret. Sometimes they call me Shotgun Kinda Hard Nips Russell the Love Muscle.”

“And then, and then… Chima, they took my Junior Mints. I mean, what sort of ASSHOLE takes a man’s JUNIOR MINTS??”

“The other thing about Jessie was that he was such an inspiration. I hope I can be half the man he is someday.”

Jordan: “Hey Jeff, how many pints are in an hour?”

“Drinking this alcohol reminds me of how we snuck booze into the prom… a very fresh memory for me on account of the prom having just taken place just three scant months ago in my eighteenth year of life, WHICH IT IS.”

“I just feel like no one here likes me, AND I’M SO LIKABLE!”

“And now they want me to take a shower? What sort of a cruel house IS THIS?”

“Hey Lydia, your motherfuckin’ vagina is hanging out.”
Lydia: “UGH, I’m so OVER my vagina.”

Natalie: “Lydia! It fell in the hot tub.”
Lydia: “Yeah, it fell…”
Natalie: “No, it did. I never lie. In all my eighteen years of life, I’ve never lied once. That’s what happens when you’re an honest, impressionable teenager, WHICH I AM!”

Ronnie: “I feel like I’m all alone in this house now!”
Chima: “Here’s the thing, Ronnie. I know you want sympathy right now, buuttt…. I’m a bitch.”

“DJ Banana Giggles in da house!”

“I miss Jessie so much. I mean, I just want to BLOW HIM right now!”

“You guyyyys! I’m about to say a word starting with the letter L. I’m scaaared!”

“You know what? You all are assholes and treat me like shit. It’s like I’m a giant piece of garbage to you jerks! And in related news, I suddenly have the desire to BLOW YOU ALL!”