Well, the cheftestants are still toiling out in the middle of Sin City, and in since I haven’t done a Top Chef photocap in a few weeks, let’s recap briefly what’s happened in the season so far. Basically, all the women have sucked except Jen; Ashley gets angry at anything and everything; the Voltaggio Brothers are destined for the finals; Michael likes to THINK he’s as good as the Voltaggios, but really all he does is piggyback on them; and that girl Jesse turns red really easily and cries. Of course, we won’t have to worry too much about Jesse’s tomato face because SPOILER ALERT she got cut in last night’s high-stakes Quickfire challenge. Sort of sucks for her, but let’s face it –Â she was really screwing up every week anyway. Her time had come. And honestly, did anyone really think she’d be able to pull off an escargot dish? No, not really. Speaking of escargot, I love eating those little snails, and that Quickfire challenge had me salivating at the mouth. As fun as it was though, it was nothing compared to the Elimination challenge, which had the chefs pairing up classic French proteins with classic French sauces using, as I’m sure Ina Garten would be happy to announce, classic French techniques. If ever there was a challenge to get my stomach growling, it was this one.
And if there was ever a challenge to get the cheftestants nervous, it would be this one too. Not only did they have to exhibit a mastery of French cooking, but they had to serve their dishes to some of the most renowned French chefs in the world: Daniel Boulud, Hubert Keller, Laurent Tourondel, another guy, and — drumroll please — JOËL ROBUCHON. Noticeably absent? Eric Ripert. Maybe that’s because Jen works for him. Or perhaps maybe he’ll pop up later in the season as he often does. IRREGAHDLESS, these chefs had some major palates to please, and I didn’t envy the pressure they felt.
Well, things pretty much wound up the way they always do. The Super Voltaggio Bros. wound up in the top along with Jen, and Michael tagged along for the ride. Their dishes were very well received by the crowd, especially by M. Robuchon, who every time after he spoke something in French, the cameras would inexplicably cut to dearest Gail, who would smile, giggle, and then look away.
The middle of the pack was unsurprisingly made up of Eli, Laurine, Robin, and Ron – who currently is the favorite for Top Marble-Mouthed Chef. The bottom, meanwhile, featured the gay guy (whose name I learned this week was Ash) and Hector as well as Mattin and elimination table staple Ashley. To be fair, Ashley got pretty screwed over by Mattin, who not only screwed up his home country’s velouté, but also LIED when the judges asked why he didn’t do an asparagus variation on the sauce (a suggestion made by Ashley in one of her rare non-surly moments). Luckily, the Frenchman skated by thanks to Hector’s inability to properly cook what was apparently the simplest item of the night: a chateaubriand cut of meat. Not only did he not budget the right amount of time for it, but he apparently hacked up the beef when he sliced it for the plates. Party foul. The hairy chef was summarily ejected from the competition, allowing Ash, Ashley, and Mattin live another day. Barely.
And now some photos. Unfortunately, Bravo puts up these awful behind-the-scenes photos instead of posting screen grabs; so my options here are limited. But I’ll do my best…
“I making gluagh bluagh grooog blooog.”
“You know, I think us ladies are pretty cool! I’m gonna mix together these microgreens. FOR THE LADIES!!”
“Oh hello. I’m here for the French dinner. My dear friend Gail Simmons should be joining us soon. She’s just making a quick stop at Diablo’s so she can get a margarita by the yard, bless her heart.”
“Do you have a butter knife? I think it’s time to start slicing the beef.”
“Oh, if ONLY I’d gotten a horrendous tattoo.”
“Did you see Gail riding the rollercoaster on top of the Stratosphere? She’s petrified of heights, but Tom told her they sometimes give out free donuts at the end of the ride. Poor thing has been riding for hours, bless her heart.”
What are your thoughts on the season so far? And what did you think of last night’s show?
Loved the show. You must be feeling better, no?
God I hope that’s cellulite on Padma’s leg.
It feels like Padma’s right boob is staring at me.
Padma’s leg does look a little bumpy. LOVE IT!
Why was Gail going ga ga over JOËL ROBUCHON? Padma looked like she was going to throw herself at him too.
I thought it was funny that they sat Kevin with the translator at dinner. He’s my favorite, but the dis made me laugh. Plus, it looked to me like the translator wasn’t getting to eat with everyone else, which also made me laugh. Why couldn’t Keller, Bouloud, etc. translate for Roubouchon? And WTF doesn’t Roubouchon learn English like everyone else in Europe?
Oh, and to answer your question, look under the pickle.
Robechon sure had an Emperor Palpatine style about him, oui?
Oui Monsieur Dub. And I definitely get a “Bob from Twin Peaks” vibe from Hubert Keller.
hb
I love Ron and think he is hilarious. I was eating an apple when I scrolled down to your photocap of him and almost spit it all over the screen I was laughing so hard. Nail. Head. You. I love that he had to cook frog legs and that he looks like a bull frog. I love him! I just want to squeeze his face. He won’t get far, that we know, but his story is amazing and I wish him much luck.
As a certified fatty fucker, I LOVE the first screen shot. It’s my new screensaver and I have drained several times to it already.
Thanks!
Who knew? Apparently, there is certification for “fatty fuckers”.
Dude I’ve been using acai berry in addition to like 3 or more other dietary supplements concurrently who knows things that are doing things to myself. rofl.
An fascinating dialogue is value comment. I feel that it is best to write extra on this subject, it may not be a taboo subject however usually persons are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers